


Much to my surprise

by Nachsie



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Carefree Dean, Coffee shop owner Benny, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Funny Dean, Grumpy Castiel, Love/Hate, M/M, Married Gabriel, Married Sam, Minor Character Death, Mourning Balthazar, Side character unwanted sexual touches, Slow Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-04
Updated: 2016-10-17
Packaged: 2018-08-12 21:04:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 37,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7949119
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nachsie/pseuds/Nachsie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everyone is born with their soulmate's name on their body, blurry till they eventually run into each other. If you haven't found your soulmate by twenty five, there is no chance of ever finding them. </p><p>Dean, no matter what anyone says, remains hopeful. Tracing the blurry name on his inner elbow to bring him peace during those rough times. </p><p>However, When finally giving the opportunity to meet the owner of the name...it goes smashing; A real hit!</p><p>....Literally...Someone call an ambulance...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. But he's such a asshole

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, I really wanted to start connecting with you guys more. If you are interested in knowing what stories I'm working on, If you have requests or questions I have updated my Tumblr to be more interactive for the followers of my stories.
> 
> I have up to date Twitter posts, Story links, as well any pretty much any of my social media. Feel free to add me and check me out on them but I will post what story I'm working on, on my twitter link to pretty much all that down below on my tumblr:
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  <http://nachsie.tumblr.com/>
> 
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> 
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> 
> I'm pretty sure no one will, but hey I thought I would offer. Since I feel bad you guys are waiting for chapters and not knowing how long till I post another. :P

 

** **

 

 

 

**Gabriel's POV**

 

 

Sam tensed at his alarm slamming his hand on it silencing it from alerting him to the reality of the day before him, Work. Sam groaned burying his face into the shoulder blade of a half naked man pressed against him. Sam mumbled a string of curse words, as the man in his arms rotated to nuzzle back into him, the man’s hand sliding into Sam’s pajamas but Sam grabbed his wrist forcing him to pull his hand out. He pressed kisses to the name on the man’s knuckles. Samuel.

 

“Don’t tempt me.” Sam pressed a kiss to the man’s shoulder.

 

“Can’t blame a man for trying.” The man turned, eyeing his soulmates face. The man’s eyes slid to the name on his chest, sliding his fingers over it. Gabriel.

 

The word so crystal clear now. Gabriel could remember trying over and over to make out the man’s name on his knuckles. A reality every person shares.

 

Every person is brought into this world with a soulmate...or well...their name. Somewhere on your body, a name of a person you never met.

 

When you are first born, the words are a smudged mess of black, looking more like an ink spill or an artist painting his views of the world.

 

The older you get the closer you get to meeting your soulmate, the words become clearer more readable. They day you meet your soulmate is the only day, you can finally see the word crystal clear for the first time in your life.

 

Of course, the words fade over time of constant interaction with your soulmate and one day you will no longer see the name. Many people over the age of thirty five no longer have the name. Of course there is always exceptions.

 

Gabriel felt Sam pull away from him with one kiss before he went to take a shower. Damn he hated Sam to leave, but he did like to watch him go. Gabriel got up, moving to get dressed. He would get in the shower later.

 

There was only a few exceptions to why someone would have their name still there after age thirty.

 

**The first: They just haven’t met their soulmate.**

However terrible, sometimes...life isn’t kind, and some people don’t meet their soulmate till their deathbed, finding out it the was the new nurse who started that day.

 

**The second: Their soulmate died.**

Sometimes, they are born and they never get to watch it slowly become clearer, because their soulmate already passed. Terrible, but stillborns, accidents….they happened.

 

**The third: They were never going to meet their soulmate.**

It was rare, but sometimes life is too cruel to put your soulmate in the same place on the same day and they go their whole life never meeting them. Or hell, maybe one was in a coma somewhere...unaware of the world around them. You could be helping care for a coma patient who was your soulmate and never know...sad.

 

How do you know if one of these terrible fates was to happen to you, you ask?

 

It is universally felt that if you haven’t found your soulmate by age twenty five…? You’ll never meet them.

 

Gabriel and Sam were both twenty two, and met when they were fourteen. When Gabriel took a tumble down the stairs of a history museum that Sam was also attending with his school. Gabriel sat up seeing stars...and a clear name on his knuckles. Inseparable ever since.

 

Gabriel walked down to get the newspaper and the mail, the dog fast asleep in it’s dog bed didn’t stir. It was fine, Gabriel knew the dog adored Sam more than him anyways.

 

When you find your soulmate, if and or when you are the legal age. You are to move into their residence, and are given a key by the government. If like Sam and Gabriel were concerned and didn’t own property, the government provided the home for you.

 

Which was one of your perks finding your soulmate, as well as the allowed perks. Two years together eventually got you a provided car….and five years later? Well...You were given a child.

 

Everyone in the world was given their first child, Orphaned children that were given up to help give needy children homes. If you wanted more than one later, you just had to apply or have your own.

 

Gabriel glanced at the mail in the mailbox before pulling it out. He went through the mail, tiredly looking over the pieces.

 

Sam and Gabriel were past their five years as legally adults being together. They were excitedly waiting till the note saying they could come pick up their child. It was any day now... Gabriel paused at a postcard, they got these on occasion from Sam’s...brother Dean.

 

Sam couldn’t stand him.

 

Gabriel eyed the back of the postcard. He normally tossed these before Dean ruined Sam’s good mood. Dean was...much different than Sam. He was a free spirit. Not one for the common or the...realistic reality of life.

 

Dean was twenty five. He never graduated high school. Never worked a real day in his life. He never did find his soulmate though he talked of meeting them one day like he had a chance still at twenty five. Dean didn’t own anything but a car, which he traveled a lot with. Dean liked to freeload, live free and carefree without any real responsibilities. If he needed cash, he would sell his photography...or whatever he had on him.

 

Sam loved his brother, he just...hated how he was.

 

Gabriel’s eyes widened as he bolted inside to see Sam pouring himself some coffee as Gabriel slammed the door shut behind him.

 

“Gabriel too early.” Sam mumbled tiredly.

 

“...Don’t be mad.” Gabriel choked out.

 

“Why?” Sam raised an eyebrow as his eyes moved to the door just as rough knocking made him glance up. “Oh no.” They both said nothing, as the doorbell rang repeatedly till the ringing stopped. The couple glanced at each other, before they looked panicked towards the back door before they can make a movement towards it. Dean already had burst through with his bags.

 

“BABY BRO!” Dean laughed setting his stuff down, as Sam sighed irritated as Dean hugged him not noticing his irritation. Sam lightly patted his back during the hug before Gabriel was snatched up in a hug. “Miss me?!”

 

“Every day…?” Gabriel gave an awkward smile to Sam.

 

“Got a real job yet?” Sam crossed his arms.

 

“I have a real job.” Dean hummed picking up his camera around his neck. “I sold TWO of my art this year. Aren’t you proud?” Dean was totally oblivious to his brothers patronizing words.

 

“...And how much have you made on your ‘art’ this year?” Sam asked.

 

“...Um.” Dean pondered that. “...three hundred.”

 

“Thousand?” Sam spoke.

 

“Hundred.” Dean repeated slower as Sam raised an eyebrow.

 

“...This entire year you made...three hundred dollars.” Sam spoke with a sigh as Dean hummed moving to take a seat.

 

“Yeah. I know. I made more than last year.” Dean took a seat on the kitchen bar, taking off his leather jacket, his fingers moving to trace the name on his inner elbow.

 

“You made nothing on your art last year.” Sam stated.

 

“Yeah. I know.” Dean scoffed. “It’s so much better.” Dean hummed like it was obvious, missing Sam’s death glare as Dean looked at the blurry name he couldn’t make out.

 

“So...have you figured out what the name says?” Gabriel offered trying to change the subject.

 

"I think its...custel? Or Eeadel" dean stated eyeing the obviously unflattering name on his inner elbow bend. "Or maybe gabriel? I don't know."  
  
"He's taken." Sam spoke as gabriel eyed his husband.  
  
"Ladies there is enough of me to go around." gabriel winked as Sam playfully elbowed him.  
  
"Whatever it is. It's getting clearer I know it." Dean hummed.  
  
"It looks the same as always dean." Sam spoke washing the dishes from last night. "Same as always."  
  
"What a kill joy." Gabriel commented as Dean's smile fades looking sadly at the words. Sam turned shoving the dish back into the sink roughly, turning to face them.  
  
"I just want him to be realistic. At his age? Twenty five? There might be a chance he will never meet his soulmate." Sam spoke softer at the those words as Dean traced the name softly.

 

“...” Dean said nothing for a long time as he stared sadly at the name.  
  
"I got to go to work." Sam sighed before tossing the rag away before grabbing his keys and going leaving Dean to the silence of his own reality. Gabriel sighed sadly watching Dean look down at the name.

 

“...Don’t listen to him...he’s just sad we haven’t gotten our child yet.” Gabriel touched Dean’s shoulder but he gave a sad smile.

 

“Mind if I hit your shower?” Dean asked as Gabriel nodded.

 

“Help yourself to everything as always...unfortunately with the baby room being...made you will have to sleep on the couch.” Gabriel spoke.

 

“It’s fine.” Dean gave a soft smile. “Thank you.” Dean went up the stairs without another word as Gabriel gave a sad sigh watching him go.

 

_________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
  
  
  
**Castiel's POV**  
  
  


The coffee shop worker snickered once the rather angry looking man had turned away with his coffee. The frown on his always angry looking face, just made it hard for him for normal interactions but the name on his forehead? Big, blotchy and IN THE MIDDLE OF HIS FUCKING FOREHEAD made his life a living hell.

 

The man grumbled a string of curses as he took a seat next to his coworker...acquaintance, Balthazar who held his own coffee his eyes sliding over the name on the man’s face.

 

“Do you have to stare every time?” The man spoke. The man? Castiel Novak, a thirty five year old workaholic with no desire to find his soulmate or make friends. He found himself with late hours and a happily quiet home, not meant for the common life of soulmates and children. Even if he was, he wasn’t exactly... _the friendliest man._ He was cold. Logical. Full of rage. Hard to love...Good because he fucking wanted to be left alone!

 

"I wonder what your soulmate's name is." Balthazar eyed Castiel's forehead as Castiel frowned annoyed.  
  
"I'm pretty sure it says 'dick' because that would be my fucking luck. Being stuck with that on my forehead FOREVER." castiel grumbled into his coffee as Balthazar shrugged.  
  
"Maybe it's not your soulmate's name, but your warning label." Balthazar chuckled, Castiel took a sip of his coffee eyeing him. Balthazar was one of those unlucky events, Balthazar had found his soulmate...but lost him. They weren’t together more than six hours. Balthazar mentioned before the man he barely knew...died. Balthazar said he never cried. He didn’t even attend the funeral...he didn’t know him...but balthazar claimed...he still felt...like he was missing something.

 

Balthazar subconsciously rubbed at the name on his wrist, rubbing at his scarred wrist before a coffee was placed before his empty one. Balthazar glanced up at the owner of the hand, the man smiled softly.

 

“On the house.” The man spoke as Balthazar blinked up at the Cafe owner.  Benny Lafitte, he was thirty and single from what Castiel could tell. The man had a name on his neck, but the name had been tattooed over a long time ago, the ink starting to succumb to the name underneath. Anna. He would get it done soon, fixing the dove and rose on his neck to cover it. With tattoos over the names, it was always a tedious and expensive things so people rarely did it.

 

“Thank you.” Balthazar spoke as Benny walked away, balthazar hesitated before taking a sip. Balthazar slid his lips over the coffee lid, as Castiel glanced at the clock.

 

“He likes you.” Castiel pointed out.

 

“He has a name.” Balthazar commented not looking at him. Anna.

 

“He covered it up for a reason.” Castiel stated grabbing his coat, he slid it on his coat. “I really don’t care what you do, but if you are going to pretend his advances aren’t happening, then let’s go to a different coffee shop. I’m tired of it.” Balthazar glanced up at his squinting his eyes annoyed at Castiel.

 

“You are a dick.” Balthazar scoffed. “No wonder your only friends are dead trees.” Castiel said nothing as he eyed him, before he walked away.

 

____________________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  
  
  
  
  
  
**Dean's POV**  


 

 

 

Dean came down the stairs to the argument on the phone, Dean blinked seeing Gabriel yelling into it.

 

“What do you mean you lost our paperwork? My soulmate and I have been WAITING for our baby! It’s been two weeks since our anniversary! Our neighbors just got their baby, and their anniversary isn’t till next month!” Gabriel sighed in frustration. He was silent as the voice spoke. “...Oh…I understand...Goodbye.” Gabriel hung up sadly, as Dean eyed him. The obvious eavesdropper now knew what was happening, gabriel came clean. “They said they lost our paperwork...and because we missed our anniversary, we will need to wait till next year to get one-”

 

“Bullshit.” Dean spoke, grabbing his coat and grabbing a coke from the counter Gabriel hadn’t opened yet. “Where’s the nearest orphanage?”

 

“On tatum.” Gabriel spoke as Dean started out the door. “Shit- Dean!” Gabriel grabbed his house keys following after him. It wasn’t too far from here, and Dean knew his way around to get their quicker. “Dean!”

 

Dean bursts through the doors as a woman behind the desk glanced up, looking unimpressed.

 

“Can I help you?” The woman asked.

 

“No, but you can help them. They are five years in and want a baby.” Dean leaned against the desk as the woman eyed him.

 

“We will deliver the baby on the date-” The woman started but Dean touched her chin smiling at her, which blush appeared on her face.

 

“...I know it wasn’t you, beautiful...but someone lost their paperwork...and some...terrible person wants them to wait till next year.” Dean cooed. The woman kept glancing at the name on her wrist. Just to check...six times.

 

“T-That’s terrible.” The woman blushed.

 

“I know you…” Dean glanced at her name tag. “Sarah...and you wouldn’t let this injustice happen...in fact. I know you will fix up our paperwork and let my brother in law in the back to pick one out.”

 

Gabriel looked surprised, they never got to pick it up. It was random. Race. Gender. It didn’t matter. The government just picked a baby born that week and gave it out. The woman hesitated.

 

“You...can do that...for me?” Dean winked as Sarah blushed. She quickly nodded grabbing a stack of paperwork on her desk, She eyed gabriel.

 

“Come with me.” Sarah spoke before walking into the back, they followed quickly past the desk. In the back room was a nursery of newborns. “Be quick about choosing. My boss will be back any minute from lunch, if you haven’t gone by the time he does...No matter how cute you are, I’m saying you broke in.”

 

Sarah left them alone, as Gabriel walked the room, taking in the sleeping babies who were well cared for. No older than maybe a couple days.

 

“Well?” Dean spoke as Gabriel eyed the children quickly.

 

“I don’t…” Gabriel choked out. How did you decide?

 

“Go with your heart.” Dean spoke, as he lined the camera up to his face. Watching Gabriel as he walked the nursery. Stopping when his eyes fell over a newborn little girl. He touched the little card on her basket.  
****  
**Name: UNASSIGNED** ****  
**  
** **Birthdate: August 31, 2016**

 

**Race: Indian**

 

 **Status: ABANDONED IN HOSPITAL** ****  
**  
** **Delivered: September 3, 2016**

 

Dean snapped a photo as Gabriel scooped up the young girl, who fidgeted slightly at the touch. Gabriel looked down at her lovingly, as Sarah came back with a car seat they normally gave with the baby.

 

“Find one?” Sarah asked, as Gabriel nodded. She moved to him, taking the baby, she unattached and uncaringly placed the baby into the carrier. Sarah made sure the baby was secure before handing him the normal paperwork. “Once you decided a name, please send us in the paperwork.”

 

“Yes.” Gabriel choked in disbelief, as she placed the baby carrier into his hands.

 

“You need to go now.” Sarah spoke as she ushered them out the door, shoving her phone number into Dean’s hand before she slammed the door leaving them outside. The slam started the baby who whimpered and started to cry.

 

“I-It’s okay baby.” Gabriel spoke trying to calm her as Dean walked down the steps. Gabriel scrambled for his phone, dialing Sam’s number as he tried to keep back all his emotions.

 

“S-Sam?!” Gabriel choked out before Sam could speak.

 

“Gabriel? What’s...wrong?” Sam spoke surprised by the emotion in his voice. “Are you okay?”

 

“We...We got her. We got her today. T-They just dropped her off.” Gabriel shook as he touched her face.

 

“W-What?” Sam held his breath.

 

“She’s beautiful, Sam.” Gabriel choked out. “Beautiful black hair, and the cutest little button nose...She’s so beautiful.”

 

“I-I…” Sam choked out with happiness. “I-I’m on my way home. I’m coming right now.”

 

“I-I’ll send you a pictures-” Gabriel smiled shaking.

 

“N-No I want to see her in person.” Sam breathed taking a happy breath. “I love you so much Gabriel.”

 

“I love you too.” Gabriel smiled.

 

“I’m on my way.” Sam spoke before he happily hung up. Gabriel wiped his tears, looking down at the calmed baby who blinked at him tiredly.

 

“Ready?” Dean hummed as Gabriel nodded.

 

“Thank you Dean.” Gabriel spoke as Dean turned to face him. “I’ll tell Sam how you did this for us...We won’t forget it.”

 

“Nah. It’s okay. I don’t need any credit for doing the right thing.” Dean shrugged shoving his hands into his pocket.

 

“Dean-” Gabriel sighed.

 

“I told you, just go out and get what you want, that’s not something worth praise I just helped you do that.” Dean hummed facing gabriel as he walked backwards into the crosswalk. “You need to learn gabe, Life is full of surprises and you never know when one's going to hit you-”

 

“DEAN, LOOK OUT!” Gabriel choked out when he finally looked up, Dean turned at the sound of scratching tires trying to stop when Dean slammed hard into the car's hood. Sliding up, he hit the window but not enough to break it as he fell off the car. “DEAN!” Gabriel moved to him as the driver got out.

 

“My car!” The man groaned at the damaged hood.

 

“Dean are you okay?” Gabriel asked.

 

“I think I hurt something.” Dean stated rubbing his leg, his head was spinning.

 

“I-I’ll call an ambulance!” Gabriel pulled out his phone, as the man rubbed his car affectionately.

 

“Hey asshole! You hit me with your car! You could at least make sure I’m okay!” Dean snapped as the man moved to him angrily.

 

“You jumped IN FRONT of my car!” The man yelled. “This is an EXPENSIVE old car! You ARE going to pay for the damages, your fat ass did to my car!”

 

“What?! You motherfucker! How dare you?! You hit me! I’m going to sue the shit out of….” Dean blinked staring at the clear name on this assholes forehead. Dean. Dean slowly looked down at his own in his inner elbow, the name clearer than day. Castiel.

 

The man noticed as well, the two blinking at each other.

 

Dean’s soulmate. The person he was waiting for so excitedly...was this guy?  

 

“...but he’s such an asshol-” Dean mumbled as Dean’s eyes rolled into the back of his head, his body fell forward. The man didn’t attempt to catch him as Dean’s head hit the ground with a harsh thump.

  
  


  



	2. Guns for hands

 

** **

**Dean’s POV**

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Dean blinked his eyes opened tiredly, his idea of him dreaming his soulmate hit him in with a car was quickly shattered by a the loud beeping of his heart monitor. Dean glanced around the room slightly before covering his face with his hand rubbing it tiredly despite being asleep moments ago. 

 

“How are you feeling?” A voice spoke as Dean pulled his hand away in surprise to see a doctor standing in the doorway. Dean eyed the blond who moved to come into the room. 

 

“I’m okay…” Dean spoke, laying his hand down. 

 

“I’m Doctor Balthazar Holten.” Balthazar stated moving to check the iv and monitors. “So...you are Castiel’s soulmate?” Dean glanced at him at that eyeing him with a sigh. 

 

“Of course...you’re his friend.” Dean let out a slight scoff. “Awesome…”

 

“...I’m the closest thing he has to a friend, yes.” Balthazar spoke. “But one thing you will have to learn is...Castiel doesn’t have friends.” Dean said nothing as he eyed him before hesitantly glancing around the room. 

 

“...I’m starting to think we have that in common.” Dean scoffed.

 

“...I sent your family home.” Balthazar spoke. “They were worn.” 

 

“...you don’t have to lie.” Dean breathed as Balthazar said nothing. 

 

Sam...didn’t deal with situations like these well, and Dean was surprised if Sam even slowed down in the front of the hospital to collect Gabriel and the baby. Sam never could function the idea of not having the ability to do something about a situation. His first response was to avoid it. Especially when it came to...hospitals. 

 

Though Gabriel wasn’t of the same mindset, he hated conflict. Avoiding it as possible. So if Sam wanted to leave his injured brother in the hospital...Gabriel would…and would just settle with feeling guilty about it.

 

Dean’s eyes moved to his cellphone on the table, which he collected eyeing the string of texts from gabriel to make sure he was okay. Dean set a quick text before tossing his phone back onto the table, playing with his bottom lip in thought for a moment turning to balthazar.

 

“So...What’s the damage?” Dean asked.

 

“Sprained foot. Concusion. Three broken ribs and a big hip bruise.” Balthazar spoke. “You’ll be free to go home the day after today-” 

 

“Where?” Dean asked as Balthazar started at him. Maybe there was a shot that Balthazar didn’t report their soulmate status. Maybe there was shot that Dean could skate by without being legally bound to Castiel. Maybe…Dean was lucky.

 

However Balthazar’s glance down made Dean grow cold. 

 

“...I...can take you tomorrow morning when I get off shift, around eight am.” Balthazar stated. Of course he squealed, he could lose his license on legal subjects like this.

 

“...and where’s my loving soulmate?” Dean scoffed as Balthazar glanced up. 

 

“...work convention.” Balthazar stated. “He was late to it when you decided to walk on a green light.”

 

“How romantic of him.” Dean mumbled looking away. 

 

“He left you in my care.” Balthazar spoke holding  governing paperwork in a orange envelope for soulmates as well as hold a copy of Castiel’s house key. “Honestly that’s more than I expected of him...he must feel a twinge bit guilty.” 

 

“Left you in my care?” Dean scoffed at the words. “What? You owe him a favor or something?” Balthazar clicked his pen closed after writing his number on it. 

 

“No.” Balthazar spoke uncaring. “He’s my boss.” 

 

“Wait…? He’s a doctor?” Dean gasped. How can that guy care for people?!

 

“No, not anymore,  he has horrible bedside manner, got multiple complaints- however he is one of the best doctors I have ever known surprisingly.” Balthazar stated. “But beyond all that, you should be lucky...You gained yourself a lucky catch with a Dean of Medicine.” 

 

“Dean of medicine?” Dean asked. 

 

“He runs the hospital.” Balthazar stated. “He decides where the money goes-”

 

“...what innocent people you stop treating.” Dean’s eyes moved to him, balthazar said nothing. “I’ve seen the show,  House, I remember.” Balthazar handed him the paperwork.

 

“My phone numbers on there if you need anything. Rest, till I get off shift and I’ll take you to your new home.” Balthazar spoke as Dean didn’t respond to it. Balthazar didn’t bother to wait to see if he would before walking out of the room, leaving Dean to his thoughts.

 

______________________________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

Balthazar held the door for him, as Dean used his crutches to come inside the actually beautiful home. The top apartment on the roof with an actual garden, yard and pool up here. Dean blinked at the beautiful dark wooden and black tones that echoed the house. Reminded him of something from a horror movie before it all went wrong. Obviously Castiel was rich enough to afford this.

 

Dean hissed when he put pressure on his foot, almost falling over. He sucked at this crap. Hand eye coordination not his best, as Balthazar caught him from falling forward. 

 

“Careful.” Balthazar spoke, leading Dean to the couch which Dean took the help. Taking a seat, he glanced up at balthazar. “Do you want to rest here or his the bedroom?” Dean blinked at his words. 

 

....Bedroom…

 

...His and his soulmate’s shared bed...

 

“I’d rather stay here and watch TV.” Dean spoke as Balthazar nodded moving to help him put his foot elevated on the table. Balthazar walked to the kitchen grabbing some supplies Dean would eventually need. Water, snacks, some pain relievers and the remote.

 

“Keep off your foot, if you need anything, use the crutches, but keep off your foot. I’m serious. It’s very fragile right now. It  _ barely _ falls in the sprained ankle category.” Balthazar stated as Dean nodded at his very serious voice. “Is there anything else you need before I bounce.” 

 

Dean nodded his eyes looking around the house before it fell onto his luggage, must have been moved here while Dean was in the hospital. He wanted a shower, but he wanted to be realistic on his demands. 

 

“My camera.” Dean pointed to the small case. “Please.” Balthazar moved to collect it, handing the bag to Dean who hummed contently at it being in one piece. 

 

“...Alright, don’t forget to call me if you need anything, but Castiel should be back tonight. He can-...” Balthazar watched Dean’s smile fall. “...It will be okay...you know? He’s your soulmate for a reason…”

 

“That’s what they say…” Dean breathed as he held his good leg close resting his head on it tiredly before he put on the TV. He didn’t say goodbye to Balthazar who watched him for a couple moments longer before Balthazar left without another word. 

 

______________________________________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

Dean jumped awake slightly, as he heard someone slam the door. Dean blinked tired eyes, his eyes focused on the tv that must had turned off after a couple hours of misuse. Dean moved to roll off his side, before laying back on his back rubbing his eyes. A light in the kitchen went off, as Dean pulled his hands away from his eyes, before sitting up seeing Castiel eyeing the food in his fridge before pulling out some chinese leftovers. Castiel grabbed a plastic fork he leaned against his kitchen counter chewing at the food hungrily. 

 

Dean eyed the man who looked at his food like it had just murdered his family, the man hadn’t noticed him at the moment so focused in his own world. This man was his soulmate? Dean took in the man’s messy black hair, and loose tie. 

 

Dean’s eyes moved to the name on his inner elbow, Castiel. His name was Castiel. Dean stared at him taking in his form slowly. What did he know about him? He was a Dean of medicine. He was a asshole. He had a friend ish guy named Balthazar...he was loaded?

 

Castiel must have noticed the eyes on him because Castiel glanced up his eyes catching Dean as Dean tensed under his intense gaze. 

 

“...” Castiel said nothing staring at Dean.

 

_____________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

“Ouch!” Dean recoiled as Castiel hit dean's feet off the coffee table with a rolled up newspaper. “Careful, asshole!”   
  


"What do you mean it's the law?! I asked you to be discreet for this particular reason!" Castiel yelled into the phone at Balthazar. "I don't care if he's my soulmate I'm not letting this hippie live here!"

  
"Hey I’m not a...-hey!" Dean choked out as Castiel grabbed Dean's bag tossing out the door. "Hey careful, asshole! My cameras in there!" Dean limped after the camera as Castiel slammed the door behind him and locked the door.

 

“It’s the law, castiel.” Balthazar spoke. “It’s illegal not to report it. Besides...he might be good for you.”   
  
"No, I don't think you understand that, that man's never see alcohol not in a can before." Castiel rubbed the bridge of his nose.    
  
The door unlocked as Dean smugly showed off the key to the place provided by the government as Dean stubbornly limped back in took a seat on the couch and put his feet on the table once more. Castiel's brow twitching in anger as Dean started to unpack mostly out of spite. 

 

“Castiel, look at him.” Balthazar’s voice was soft as Castiel hesitated looking at Dean who was struggling to angrily unpack his one small duffle bag onto the counter. “...He’s there, Castiel. Your soulmate. The one I know somewhere deep…. _ very very very  _ deep in your very soul, you once hoped to meet....He’s all you got you know, no one visited him when he was unconscious in the hospital...He’s hurt...and just as scared as you.” 

 

“...” Castiel continued to look at Dean. 

 

“Why don’t you try to open your heart I know you have deep... _ deep _ inside you...just a bit?” Balthazar spoke as Castiel let out a soft sigh.

 

“...You’re right.” Castiel breathed.

 

“...Really?” Balthazar blinked in surprise.

 

“No, fuck that guy!” Castiel spoke glaring at Dean who frowned back. “Hey! Don’t unpack you aren’t staying-” The phone went dead.

 

______________________________________________________________

  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Balthazar’s POV**

  
  
  
  
  


The phone went dead as Balthazar blinked at his phone.

 

“...That went the opposite of how I expected…” Balthazar stated as a coffee was placed in front of him.

 

“On the house.” Benny spoke as Balthazar’s eyes slid over his face. 

 

“...You know, if you never make me pay anything, you’re going to lose money.” Balthazar slid his fingers over the rim of the large warm coffee, not too hot or cold.

 

“I’m okay with that.” Benny gave a soft smile, before returning to his counter to help the other barista behind the counter. Balthazar blushed softly bringing the coffee to his lips, his eyes giving one last wander watching Benny helped the next person.

 

_________________________________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Castiel’s POV**

  
  
  
  
  


Dean grunted gripping the bed frame, he managed to get to trying to keep from Castiel from literally removing him from the house again.

 

“GIVE UP!” Castiel yelled as he held onto Dean’s waist, Dean shook his head no gripping the bed frame tighter. 

 

“NO WAY! I REFUSE, GRUMPY CAT!” Dean snapped as he lost grip both falling back roughly onto the floor, Dean grunted in pain from his injuries unable to react from anything but the pain in his ankle and ribs, Castiel picked him up in his arms before carrying him to the front door and tossing him onto the door mat. 

 

Dean whimpered like a animal who got kicked, rolling onto his side gripping his ankle and ribs which hurt the most. Castiel tossed Dean’s bags out the door before slamming and locking the door. Rain poured roughly against the windows as Castiel hummed at his victory.

 

Castiel took a satisfied breath before he moved to his kitchen to finish his food, he rather contently chewed on his food, expecting Dean to come back in. However after five minutes of the spit fire not attempting coming in, he glanced towards the door. 

 

Castiel sighed in annoyance after a couple moments, before he pulled open the door. Dean must not have expected him to, because the now soaked Dean just looked up at him holding his ribs in pain. Castiel eyed him taking in his injuries. Castiel grabbed the bags placing back inside, Dean watched in confusion before Castiel slid his hands under Dean picking him up. Dean didn’t complain or argue as Dean whimpered at his injuries. 

 

Castiel carried Dean into the bedroom, before laying him on the bed. Dean breathed out in pain, as Castiel moved away from him. Dean didn’t say a word watching Castiel pull some clothes from Dean’s bags, placing them on the side table next to Dean.

 

He moved to Dean’s ankle which was swollen from their fighting, Castiel touched it causing Dean to cry out in slight pain. 

 

“You need to elevate this.” Castiel spoke, as he lifted Dean’s ankle and placed some pillows under it. “Keep off it at all possible-” 

 

“Why did you bring me back inside?” Dean asked as Castiel cold eyes didn’t look at him.

 

“Despite our predicament no matter how terrible, you are injured and it is my duty as a doctor to help you. In turn, You’re my patient. I will care for you till your injuries have healed...” Castiel spoke. “Besides.....the faster you heal, the fucking faster you will be out of my house.” 

 

Castiel started to undo the bandage, as Dean didn’t answer and grabbed for the new shirt changing it. Castiel focused on bandaging the wound. He checked Dean over, giving him instructions on his pain and how to care for his injuries. The instructions were spat out coldly like Dean was incompetent. 

 

“If you need anything, and I mean  _ anything _ ...find someone else to give a shit.” Castiel made a annoyed face as Dean pouted at that. Castiel was collecting things he thought he would need. The man had against his better wishes brought him back in and he had cared for him. 

 

“...Thank you.” Dean breathed softly as Castiel paused at the door surprised by the kind thank you.

 

“...” Castiel said nothing slightly glancing over his shoulder before walking away. “Don’t read too much into this Rapunzel, I just want you out of my house and the hell out of my life.”

 

“You know you are SUCH A ASSHOLE! Just so you know, that makes two of us!” Dean yelled back, he eyed the empty doorway, before hesitantly snuggling deep into the bed. “God, I hate that guy.” Dean rubbed his face annoyed before turning burying his face into the bed. 

 

__________________________________________________________________________

  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

**Dean’s POV**

  
  
  
  


Castiel was rarely home, Dean noticed in his week of being here.

 

Dean looked around the house as he stood with the help of his crutches, glancing around. The house was almost unused, the most that singled life in the house was the random discarded jackets that seemed to pile up on the chair in his kitchen. 

 

Dean eyed the place, taking in the emptiness in the house. Was it because castiel had no photos? No keepsakes? The house was empty of all the humanity Castiel didn’t possess. Dean moved to the kitchen placing one crutch to the side to pull open the fridge. Nothing but fast food.   
  


Dean frowned noticeably as he searched through the cabinets for some kind of food, finding nothing but one expired tuna can and a half peanut butter container that looked like it had celery bits in it. 

 

Dean tossed both into the trash without hesitation. For a doctor, he lives on a lot of junk food. Take out chinese in particular. Dean tossed it all, frowning and examining the mold in some of them. Dean eyed the empty fridge now holding only a container of tabasco sauce. 

 

If Dean had more than seven bucks in his account...

 

Wait…

 

They were...married now right?

 

Dean used his crutches to go back to his phone on the couch pulling open his bank statement. 

 

**25,234**

 

Dean blinked in surprise, as he swallowed. 

 

No. Fucking way.

 

______________________________________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

**Castiel’s POV**

  
  
  


Castiel eyed the paperwork in front of him, examining each form that needed his attention more than Castiel needed air. Castiel signed his name, stamped some forms, and even ripped some up tossing them away. 

 

Castiel’s phone buzzed with an alert from his bank, which Castiel glanced at slightly.

 

**Transaction: 209 Dollars to FoodFresh accepted.**

 

Castiel looked confused, his eyes moving over the words again as he brought them closer. 

 

**Transaction: 140 Dollars to Target accepted.**

 

Castiel blinked again at the words.

 

What. The. Ever. Living. Fuck.

 

Castiel quickly pressed his phone to his ears, as he dialed his bank.

 

“Hey, there are some weird transactions on my account.” Castiel spoke as he gave his bank information. “The transactions were legit? Paid with...My...husband’s card?” Castiel crumpled the papers on his desk, in his hand. “...Yes I forgot I asked him to buy a few things...yes. My mistake. Thank you.” 

 

Castiel hung up collecting his coat, before slowly sliding it on. Balthazar moved to enter his office, turning the corner he almost collided with Castiel. 

 

“Whoa, I didn’t expect to see you up.” Balthazar blinked.

 

“I’m going home.” Castiel spoke coldly his face with murder. 

 

“...Um...Okay.” Balthazar watched him tensely walking away. 

 

___________________________________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

**Castiel's POV**

 

 

 

 

Castiel roughly forced the door open, it slammed roughly against the wall indenting a hole into it. Castiel glared the vein on his forehead throbbed as he readied himself to murder his soulmate. When he notice Dean turn to look at him, his eyes blinked in surprise as he glanced over at Castiel. Trying to balance the crutches and the plate he was placing into the oven.

 

“Oh hey.” Dean spoke, his movements like a toddler learning to walk. Dean set the timer for the oven before moving to something else. Castiel hesitantly moved closer. “You’re home early.”

 

Castiel’s eyes slid up the fresh homemade ingredients, watching Dean’s hands moving to roll something.

 

“I hope you don’t mind, I used some of your money to buy groceries and pans.” Dean continued as Castiel slid over to the pie container. Dean was handmaking pie. “How do you not have pans?”

 

“I don’t cook.” Castiel mumbled, as he eyed the oven seeing Dean’s eyes move towards him.

 

“I do.” Dean spoke as Castiel met his eyes. “I mean I’m pretty useless right now, but...I actually like cooking. If you don’t mind...I can cook for you.” Castiel blinked in surprise, taken back by the gesture.

 

“Look. If you think you can bribe me-” Castiel scoffed crossing his arms.

 

“No bribe...I just...miss cooking.” Dean confessed. “I haven’t cooked in a kitchen since my mom…” Dean stopped, before he swallowed changing the subject. “I haven’t had a real kitchen in a while. I promise this is purely selfish.” 

 

“...” Castiel eyed him, as Dean looked away pressing the top layer of the cherry pie on the pie. “Fine, I  _ guess _ since you are so needy. I  _ expect  _ three meals a day.” 

 

“Make it four.” Dean hummed as he eyed the pie. “Dessert.” 

 

“... _ Fine. _ ” Castiel crossed his arms. 

 

“But I expect I am able to use your credit card for ingredients.” Dean raised an eyebrow. 

 

“ _ Fine,  _ but a fifty dollar limit.” Castiel stated.

 

“No way.” Dean put his hands on his hips. “You are practically empty on everything. Limit needs to be at least two hundred.” 

 

“Two hundred?” Castiel scoffed. “Shop thrifty.”

 

“That’s not happening.” Dean scoffed back. “Two hundred.”

 

“Then I want something in return. What can you offer me I don’t already have? I’m fucking rich.” Castiel spoke smugly as Dean blinked thinking for a moment. Dean smiled to himself. 

 

“Close your eyes.” Dean stated as Castiel looked annoyed. “...Trust me.” Castiel raised an eyebrow, as Dean blinked back unamused before Castiel rolled his eyes before closing them. Dean eyed his face before slowly moving closer, his hand slid against Castiel’s arm as Castiel tensed. “Keep them close.” Dean spoke and...Castiel obeyed. 

 

Dean eyed his face, even when his eyes were closed he looked angry, Dean’s hand slid against Castiel’s arm, stopping at the elbow. Castiel sucked in air, swallowing uncomfortable. Dean paused slightly, ready to change his mine but...Was castiel blushing? 

 

Dean smiled softly to himself before he moved against Castiel's, their bodies moved against each other. Castiel tensed, as Dean eyed his face softly before he moved his lips softly against Castiel’s cheek in a kiss in a quick kiss before he pulled back grinning as Castiel blinked his eyes open.

 

“Good enough payment?” Dean hummed as Castiel looked away, clearing his throat before crossing his arms again flustered.

 

“If I wanted herpes.” Castiel scoffed, Dean looked offended. “I would have gotten them from someone prettier.” 

 

“Hey!” Dean crossed his arms. “Screw you dude! I don’t got herpes!”

 

“Could have fooled me, you look like a sideshow Chippendale dancer.” Castiel turned away, as Dean grabbed the kitchen knife. 

 

Could he get away with murdering him?

 

Dean calculated the risks and benefits before Castiel spoke up his back to Dean.

 

“I  _ guess _ that will work.” Castiel spoke as Dean paused. “Since you know, you have nothing else to bargain. Unless...the camera seems expensive.” Dean’s eyes turned to the camera on the table, which Dean grabbed a bit too quickly as Castiel turned to face him. 

 

“No.” Dean spoke simple words as he gripped the camera tightly in his hand, Castiel met his eyes. “Anything but the camera.” Castiel took in his form before he smirked. 

 

“Fine. I expect my house to be clean. Every bit of it. Every day you buy something with my card.” Castiel spoke as Dean nodded quickly. 

 

“Okay…” Dean breathed loosening his grip on the camera, Castiel turned to walk away but paused.

 

“...And a kiss before bed.” Castiel stated as Dean looked up, Dean softly smiled looking at the Camera in his hand...why did castiel’s shy voice make him smile? “Deal?”

 

“....Yeah.” Dean spoke as Castiel cleared his throat as he tossed his coat over his chair along with his other seven of them before he waved his hand away. 

 

“Keep it down, I  _ guess _ I’ll be in my office till dinner, since it’s _ not  _ ready.” Castiel waved him off almost sounding annoyed it wasn’t, but that was just how Castiel was.

 

“I’ll get you when it is!” Dean hummed using the table for support as Castiel continued down the hall without another word, Dean gave a soft smile before returning to the pie, couldn’t shake off how cute the annoying idiot was when he blushed. 


	3. Simon says

 

** **

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Dean’s POV**

  
  
  
  


Dean used his crutches from the bedroom to get to the kitchen, as he paused seeing Castiel fast asleep on the couch. It looked uncomfortable, and the fact that Castiel was still asleep in his work clothes. Dean sighed, Castiel the workaholic, Dean eyed his shoes which were still on him. 

 

Castiel has been making an effort to be here for each one of his meals. He had yet to miss a meal, even if it meant he had to bolt back to work right after which Dean...really appreciated. Dean felt...lonely he realized. Dean took in Castiel’s form. 

 

Dean had a hard time moving around since his injuries, and he wasn’t use to not really having the freedom to get around. Dean normally would be driving around the state, exploring new towns, new places. He never stayed in one place too long. Always surrounded by the company of strangers and the open road. 

 

However, it wasn’t...too bad being stuck here.

 

Dean grabbed his Camera from the table lining up a shot and taking it of Castiel’s sleeping form.

 

Dean glanced down at the camera taking in the image before he set the camera down, he limped over to him placing the crutches down against the coffee table before he pulled off Castiel’s shoes with care. Placing them on the floor, before he slid a blanket over Castiel’s form, who was so dead tired he didn’t notice. 

 

Dean wondered when he came stumbling in this morning, last time he noticed Castiel come home Castiel had accidentally slammed the door, waking Dean up a minute before Dean set his alarm to wake him up. Dean wondered when Castiel had time for sleep, since after breakfast he normally was already heading back out to work. 

 

Dean eyed his angry face, even in sleep he seemed stressed out. Dean only pausing when he noticed a chain poking out from around his neck, Dean slowly reached out for the chain, sliding it out from the sleeping man’s neck. Before the charm could slip out from the shirt, Castiel’s hand snagged his wrist. Dean jumped at the sudden touch as Castiel stared at him.

 

“Noisy fucker aren’t you?” Castiel raised an eyebrow unamused as Dean snatched his wrist back.

 

“Aren’t you a bucket of sunshine in the morning?” Dean scoffed back. “How do you know I’m noisy, Maybe I just suck at being a thief.” Dean grabbed for his crutches moving back towards the kitchen missing Castiel give a soft almost affectionate sigh watching him go. He slid the necklace back under his shirt before sitting up. 

 

Rubbing his face, he watched Dean start to awkwardly move around the kitchen for a few minutes before sucking in a deep breath.

 

“I’m going to get into a shower.” Castiel mumbled stumbling as he got out. “Food better be ready when I get out.”

 

“Maybe you should stay home.” Dean blinked at him watching him. “You look worse than usual.”

 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were a doctor.” Castiel mumbled sarcastically as Dean made a face watching him sink into the bedroom. Dean shook his head at his sarcasm before a knock on the door made Dean pause. Should he get it? 

 

Dean heard the shower running, so Dean decided to get it, he used his crutches to go to the door which he wasn’t surprised at the presence at the door. 

 

“Good morning Dean.” Balthazar hummed. 

 

“God, doesn’t he have any other friends?” Dean chuckled to himself before moving to the kitchen.

 

“No.” Balthazar stated as he came and sat down at the kitchen bar table. Watching Dean grab food out of the fridge. 

 

“You weren’t kidding. I have heard the door knock five times since the month I have lived here and all of them were you.” Dean stated. “Correction. One was UPS.”

 

“Yeah, and you are surprised?” Balthazar shrugged. 

 

“...No.” Dean stated as he cracked some eggs into a bowl, balthazar eyed him as Dean focused on the food. “...Has he always been like this?”

 

“...From what I could tell.” Balthazar stated. “...and how have you adjusted to it.”

 

“I’ve been here a month and only know he prefers his eggs over easy.” Dean stated before he put cinnamon into the mix.

 

“He’s not a very open person.” Balthazar spoke. 

 

“I just...when I was a kid and imagined...having a soulmate would be...amazing and being near him would be magical...Castiel knows nothing about me, and he doesn’t want to.” Dean stated putting toast into the mix before throwing it on the stove.

 

“It’s hard to love someone unlovable.” Balthazar spoke.

 

“No kidding.” Dean spoke as he made french toast for him. “I mean...are you sure there wasn’t a mistake? I mean, when my brother found his soulmate they hit it off from day one. We haven’t even gotten past the stranger stage.” 

 

“...Everyone is different. Some soulmates take a bit longer.” Balthazar hesitated. 

 

“Yeah? Really? Do you know of a case?” Dean scoffed as Balthazar said nothing. “Thought not.” Dean took the french toast from the stove. “I feel…nothing for him….He definitely feels nothing for me...and i’m trying to make this work...because...I’ve wanted nothing more than him since the first time I ever saw his ink splashed name on my skin...but it’s hard...”

 

“Has he offered...any sort of kindness? Something...you don’t think he would have offered anyone?” Balthazar asked.

 

“...He comes home to eat every meal.” Dean shrugged.

 

“He’s just hungry.” Balthazar waved it off. “Anything he wouldn’t let anyone else do.” 

 

“N-....” Dean paused softly. “...In order to buy things with his credit card...he said I have to give him something he doesn’t have...so I offered him a kiss.” 

 

“Did he agree?” Balthazar asked, Dean nodded shyly. “...Well...if you asked me, being cooped up makes me a little buying happy, doesn’t it to you?” Dean was about to speak when Castiel walked out from the bedroom. 

 

“What the hell are you doing here?” Castiel scoffed as he took a seat next to Balthazar, dean put some food in front of Castiel. 

 

“Thought you might want coffee but I believe your soulmate has got that covered.” Balthazar ushered to the fact Dean was already pouring Castiel a cup of coffee. 

 

“Would you like some too, Balthazar?” Dean offered. 

 

“No thank you, Love.” Balthazar spoke with kindness. “Wow, what kind soulmate. I wish I was lucky enough to have one as good as him.”

 

“Then take him.” Castiel said coldly taking a sip of his coffee. “I don’t want him.”

 

“...you know what? I hope you fucking choke.” Dean stared at him disgusted, before he grabbed his crutches and moved to the bedroom slamming the door behind him. Balthazar flinches at the door as he sighed looking at Castiel who focused at his food. 

 

“You know he’s really trying to get to know you.” Balthazar spoke watching Castiel consume the french toast.

 

“I don’t want him to.” Castiel chewed. “I didn’t ask for a soulmate and I don’t want one.”

 

“Well, that is the thing about the relationships. It’s not what one person wants.” Balthazar spoke, grabbing Castiel’s food. “God, that kid must be a saint, The idea of being stuck with you for the rest of my life with a monster like you sounds terrible.” 

 

Balthazar took the plate away, walking away with the food.

 

“Hey that was mine.” Castiel called annoyed.

 

“Assholes don’t get home cooked meals...” Balthazar scoffed. “Coming?” Castiel groaned following after him.

 

___________________________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

Dean angrily pulled Castiel’s laptop from his side table, Castiel had a guest account and didn’t seem to mind that Dean was on it. Dean had made the guest account his own, uploaded his photos to the computer to store on his google account. The background was of Sam, Dean and his mother, old photo from when they were kids. 

 

Dean stared at it for a moment his fingers slid over the woman in the photo, he sighed before rubbing his hands over his eyes. 

 

“I’m trying mom.” Dean breathed. “I’m really trying my hardest to see the good in him but...all I see that he is cruel and mean...He’s nothing like Gabriel, or dad...He’s nothing like any soulmate I met before.” Dean wiped his nose that has started to run. “I don’t know what I’m doing. I wish you were here to tell me what to do...He’s just so...damaged...and I don’t know how to fix that.”

 

Dean sniffed as though he expected to hear her, but the reality of her being gone was crueler and the only sound that followed was the sound of the fan rotating cool air into the bedroom. Dean sucked in air and let out a sigh before letting his face fall to the mattress before he sat up. 

 

“He doesn’t want me? Fine. I’ll just show him what it means to cross me.” Dean simply went to his amazon account hooking up the card to it, filling his cart with things he never could have gotten but always wanted. Castiel was going to learn a thing or two about messing with Dean winchester.

 

______________________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

**Balthazar’s POV**

  
  
  


Balthazar stared at Benny as they enjoyed a cup of coffee, drinking the whipped cream off of his large cup of mocha latte. Balthazar’s eyes slid up his form as Benny focused on making a latte for another customer.

 

“I’m glad you enjoyed my french toast.” Castiel frowned his arms crossed, as Balthazar shoved the empty plate to Castiel. 

 

“Give that back to the chef.” Balthazar waved him away, as Castiel looked unamused. “What you didn’t deserve them anyways.” Balthazar mumbled eyeing benny.

 

“Why are you purposely trying to get on my nerves?” Castiel asked.

 

“Why are you purposely being an ass to the guy who literally has been going out of his way to be nice to you?” Balthazar scoffed back as Castiel looked away. “Yeah, keep pouting.” Balthazar’s eyes moved back to benny.

 

“God you are desperate as fuck.” Castiel commented into his coffee cup. “What happened to him having a name?” 

 

“I can look can’t i?” Balthazar commented, as he noticed Benny look towards him, he turned away quickly. “Look, I get you don’t like people but be a little fucking nice to Dean will you?”

 

“I am being nice.” Castiel commented, the comment surprised him. “...I’m not nice, I’m not prince charming…I’m not loving. I’m hard to love. I’m...just being realistic.”

 

“Then show Dean you can be a bit nicer.” Balthazar spoke. “...Maybe you can just be friends, but you can’t hurt him to believe his soulmate wants nothing to do with him. Show him you guys can be friends at the very least.” 

 

“...” Castiel said nothing as he let out a sigh. 

 

“Just be friends.” Balthazar stated. 

 

“I hate friends.” Castiel mumbled childishly.

 

“You hate everything, so you’ll be use to it.” Balthazar mumbled back mockingly. Castiel’s phone went off as he sighed, before pulling up his phone. Castiel’s eyes widened as he looked pissed off. Quickly grabbing his coat, as he bolted from the coffee shop. “Love you too bye!” 

 

Balthazar scoffed as he left, waving him off as Benny’s voice startled him.

 

“Is that your boyfriend?” Benny asked holding a new cup for balthazar.

 

“God no. I’m single.” Balthazar gave a nervous laugh. “But you really need to bless the man with him.”

 

“I can imagine.” Benny stated. “He likes to take out of my tip drawer to tip me...I don’t know how you are friends with him.” 

 

“I do.” Balthazar hummed. “...He thinks he hates people and wants nothing to do with them...but I see how he likes my company...and I can see how he likes Dean’s.” 

 

“...You’re both saints.” Benny laughed. “You win.” Balthazar laughed as well. “...so...you wouldn’t happen to be busy tonight would you?”

 

“...I’m off today.” Balthazar confessed, his eyes moved to his name on his neck. Benny noticed the glance before covering it with his hand. 

 

“...They are no longer in the picture.” Benny spoke.

 

“I-I’m sorry I-I didn’t mean-” Balthazar choked out before holding out his wrist. “S-Same!” He was trying to make it better, but the situation only made him laugh. 

 

“Well, that saves me from having to ask.” Benny chuckled. “...So I take it, it means you are free to have a date with me tonight?” Balthazar blushed as he nodded smiling. 

 

“Y-Yeah. Of course...I-I’d love to.” Balthazar confessed as benny gave him the next cup of free coffee. 

 

“I’ll pick you up tonight.” Benny hummed, as he walked away.

 

“B-But how-” Balthazar stopped noticing benny’s number on a napkin and he smiled to himself, before happily taking a sip of the warm coffee.

 

__________________________________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

**Dean’s POV**

  
  
  


Castiel threw the door opened pissed off as Dean glanced up from the couch petting a old tibetan mastiff who panted and drooled over the couch. Dean was practically being covered by the large dog who contently loved being pet.

 

“Hey assho-...” Castiel paused taken back by the extremely large fluffy dog in his house. “What the FUCK?!” 

 

“This is Simon.” Dean hummed as he let the dog happily lick his face. “ _ Our _ new dog.” 

 

“ _ We  _ don’t have anything.” Castiel snapped. “How the hell did you get a dog?!”

 

“I had one delivered.” Dean pressed kisses to the black and orange fur. “I looked online and saw him, and just had to have him. They understood my gimpiness and someone from the shelter had one delivered.” 

 

“Why the hell did you spend a  **_thousand_ ** dollars on my card?!” Castiel snapped.

 

“This guy was five hundred, and the supplies were about five hundred.” Dean shrugged. “I would have spent more, but I’m not that much of an asshole to prove my point.” 

 

“What point?!” Castiel growled. 

 

“The point is you may not like me but you  _ have  _ to respect me. This is what happens when you treat me like I’m worthless.” Dean stated coldly, moving away from the dog, he grabbed for his crutches moving away, he didn’t expect Castiel to grab his wrist, making him fall back into the wall as Castiel pinned him. The dog barked protectively over Dean as Castiel glared into his eyes. 

 

Dean stared into his eyes with surprise and slight fear, as Castiel took in his form. Dean couldn’t read him, was he so pissed he’d hurt him? Dean didn’t...know him very well...He’d never seen him this angry before. However his fears went away as Castiel sighed looking down, he still held Dean’s wrist in his hand.

 

“...I…” Castiel seemed conflicted as he took a long time to continue. “...You aren’t..worthless...to me.” Dean opened his eyes wide in surprise, as Castiel backtracked slightly. “I...guess.” Dean stared at him in surprise saying nothing. “I-I got to go to work.” 

 

Dean opened his mouth to speak, but Castiel already bolted out the door, Dean closed his mouth as Simon barked happily moving to Dean’s side holding one of his crutches in his hand. Dean took it as Simon moved for the other one. Dean tried to steady his heartbeat as he looked down at Simon. 

 

“Thanks buddy.” Dean took a second to pet his fur before he picked up the next crutch. Dean started moving towards the bedroom door, when he paused looking towards the door castiel left out of. Dean gave a soft smile before he followed the dog into the bedroom.

 

________________________________________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

**Balthazar’s POV**

  
  
  
  
  
  


Balthazar laughed as Benny let him into the coffee shop, it was after hours and everyone was long gone since it almost being midnight. They had gone to dinner and a movie, and balthazar was actually surprised how well it went. They were both shy and awkward, and it was their first date since their soulmates left for one reason or another. 

 

Benny had offered him a cup of coffee and headed back to the shop which was directly under benny’s apartment which benny was tell him about as the reason he could no longer smell coffee. 

 

“So what are you thinking? Same old same old?” Benny asked as he moved to close the door to the shop locking it. Benny turned surprised when Balthazar’s lips pressed against his. Balthazar wasn’t sure why he did it, but the instant almost relaxing feel of Benny’s large hands grip his hips made him remember why he did.

 

Benny’s lips were soft as the kiss became more and more heated, Benny reaching over to turn off the lights, as balthazar forced off the top benny. Letting their clothes fall as Benny picked balthazar up onto the table, letting each other hold each other as their lips hungrily moved against each other. The sex was lamely almost like a breath of fresh air. Needy and lustful and all the things balthazar couldn’t even begin to word. 

 

He wasn’t sure why he started it. Maybe because benny understood him in a sense. Balthazar always felt...he could tell benny anything. There were times before this they would sit and talk, or well...Balthazar would talk and benny would just listen…

 

Balthazar never talked about Eric. The name on his wrist that will nevermore be a name. He never talked about the six hours together till he succumbed to the cancer. The fact that balthazar only was sixteen when he met him, all an accident with them bringing him to the wrong room. 

 

The man was older, about fifty and in the short time together, balthazar understood the meaning of love with him. So young, but he understood it the second they spoke. Balthazar could never forget those six hours alone with him, the hours he gave to talking, to understanding him, to...even losing his virginity to him. Balthazar’s own version of an goodbye. A moment he couldn’t have again with anyone else. 

 

When he died balthazar didn’t cry, he didn’t. He felt hollow and numb and that was all he had felt ever since, but...right now...with benny...he didn’t...and he didn’t know why.

 

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Balthazar awoke the next morning to warm arms wrapped around his body, he grunted softly. Sore and tired even though they did get some sleep last night. Balthazar tiredly blinked his eyes as he took in benny’s bedroom. The room looked like he was remodeling it, the walls were being repainted from a green to a dark blue. Too dark for the bedroom in his opinion since the room really didn’t capture any natural light. 

 

Balthazar started to get up as Benny whined slightly.

 

“Don’t go.” Benny whined as Balthazar chuckled to him. 

 

“I just need to pee, i’ll stay till you kick me out.” Balthazar hummed as benny relaxed letting him go.

 

“Might as well go pack your bags, if you are waiting for me to kick you out, you’ll be here a while.” Benny joked as Balthazar blush before grabbing benny’s shirt from the floor and heading to the bathroom. Coming back he paused seeing a picture of Benny holding a two year old girl in his arms, cradling her happily. Balthazar picked it up, examining the little girl in the photo.

 

“That’s my daughter.” The voice started Balthazar as Balthazar turned to see Benny watching him.

 

“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t-” Balthazar set it down, embarrassed for being cause being curious, Benny didn’t seem to mind, ushering him closer. Balthazar moved back into his warmth as benny pressed kisses against his neck holding him. “She’s beautiful.” 

 

“She was.” Benny whispered as Balthazar blinked at those words.

 

“Was?” Balthazar whispered back as benny slid his fingers to trace over the blotched ink on Balthazar’s wrist. Balthazar didn’t need any more of a hint, to turn to look at benny searching his eyes before softly starting to press kisses to his lips comfortingly. Benny kissed back holding him as Benny moved on top of him once more as the kiss grew more intense. They could forget their pain together...even for just a moment. 

 

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**Dean’s POV**

  
  
  
  
  


Dean jumped at the sound of the front door slamming, and he groaned almost angry at the world for being up, he sat up hearing hushed whispers of distress as Dean climbed out of the bed and limped to the doorway. He watched Castiel trying to command the large beast off the couch which the dog seems to not even notice his presence still completely sleep. 

 

“Come on you stupid dog, where am I supposed to sleep?” Castiel hissed crossing his arms.

 

“With me.” Dean’s voice made Castiel jump slightly, as he fell onto Dean who was wearing a tank top and boxers. Dean realized what he sounded like he was hinting and corrected himself. “You can sleep in the bed with me….if you don’t want to sleep with simon.” Castiel stared at him, and after a few moments of Dean blushing he retreated into the bedroom without another word, elevating his foot on the pillows once again. 

 

It was only when Dean started to doze that he heard Castiel come in, Dean listened to the darkness as Castiel for once since he lived there stripped down to his boxers like a sane normal person who wants to sleep. Dean felt the shift in the bed, as Castiel settled into the bed, letting out a tired moan. Dean smiled into his hand remembering the words Castiel spoke to him earlier. 

 

_ “...I…” Castiel seemed conflicted as he took a long time to continue. “...You aren’t..worthless...to me.” Dean opened his eyes wide in surprise, as Castiel backtracked slightly. “I...guess.”  _

 

It might be dumb, but...those words actually meant the world to Dean. As Dean rotated to snuggle into Castiel’s chest holding him tightly.

 

“H-Hey!” Castiel blushed sounding annoyed. “I-I didn’t come here to be molested!” 

 

“But you came.” Dean hummed as Castiel hesitated at those words not having a good comeback for those as he slowly relaxed under Dean’s touch. 

 

“...You better be elevating that foot or the holding stops.” Castiel spoke in the darkness as Dean lifted his sprained foot back onto the pillows. 

 

“Got it.” Dean hummed snuggling into him, as Castiel in the darkness hid his soft smile.


	4. I just kept on running

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I really wanted to start connecting with you guys more. If you are interested in knowing what stories I'm working on, If you have requests or questions I have updated my Tumblr to be more interactive for the followers of my stories.
> 
> I have up to date Twitter posts, Story links, as well any pretty much any of my social media. Feel free to add me and check me out on them but I will post what story I'm working on, on my twitter link to pretty much all that down below on my tumblr:
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  <http://nachsie.tumblr.com/>
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> I'm pretty sure no one will, but hey I thought I would offer. Since I feel bad you guys are waiting for chapters and not knowing how long till I post another. :P

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dean awoke to the sound of a deep breath, his eyes fluttering open tiredly. His head on Castiel’s chest as Castiel held an arm around him. Almost out of natural instinct. Dean smiled softly, as he looked up at Castiel’s face. He...still looked angry as he slept. Dean...giggled softly at that.

 

“If you are going to be annoying, I’ll sleep with the dog.” Castiel spoke as he blinked his eyes open tiredly looking down at Dean.

 

“If you're going to be cranky, then might as well. Go ahead. He drools.” Dean hummed nuzzling into him. “I love my big drool monster.”

 

“Don’t you mean My drooling dog? You spent thousand dollars of my money on?” Castiel scoffed. “Which you need to pay me back for. You went over your limit and you need to pay the piper.” Dean flinched at that letting out a nervous chuckle.

 

“Weren’t going to let that slide just because i was just proving a point?” Dean asked as Castiel blinked annoyed at him. “Wishful thinking…Anything in particular you want me to do?” 

 

“Clean my house.” Castiel spoke unamused as Dean made a face.

 

“You weren’t serious about that...where you?” Dean laughed nervously, as Castiel flipped them pinning him as Dean blushed.

 

“Dead serious.” Castiel glared pinning his arms above his head. Dean looked around as he instantly started to undo his pajama top buttons. 

 

“S-So...When was the last time you got laid?!” Dean tried to change the subject, as Castiel’s eyes glared more. “I am more than willing to trade my body for...No? Not working?” Dean laughed nervously but Castiel didn’t budge. “...ugh...FINE! I’ll clean your stupid house. But You may have seriously destroyed my self esteem.” Dean tried to get up but Castiel didn’t budge, Dean blinked up at him. 

 

“You are already behind.” Castiel spoke a light pink in his cheeks. “...On your payments already.” 

 

“...Wha...oh…” Dean blushed as he looked down with a loving smile before looking into his eyes. “How much do I owe you in backorder?”

 

“Six.” Castiel mumbled looking away embarrassed. “Not including the new bill! OK-” Castiel’s breath tensed when Dean’s lips moved to press against his skin. Castiel’s words faded as Dean moved to press kisses against Castiel’s chin taking the time to enjoy each one. Castiel’s breath hitched as Dean drew closer to his lips. 

 

“Three...Four….five….s-” Dean felt an odd feeling when he went to kiss Castiel’s lips. Dean blinked open his eyes to see Castiel had covered his lips looking away conflicted.

 

“T-...That’s enough.” Castiel shoved his face away, as Dean yelped. Dean moved to yell at him, all pissed off but stopped seeing Castiel looking so cute. Dean went red, as Castiel blushed harder. “S-Stop looking.” 

 

“I’m not looking.” Dean put his hands up blushing as well as he got up moving for his crutches, when Castiel grabbed them stopping him.

 

“Have you tried walking on your foot?” Castiel asked seriously. 

 

“N-...no.” Dean glanced down at the wrapping as Castiel offered him to put his foot on his leg. Dean listened as castiel unwrapped his wound, moving the ankle, dean squirmed at it being unused for so long, but Castiel took it as a good sign. 

 

“You should be healed by now, so I recommend walking on it.” Castiel spoke his focus on the injury. Castiel was different when he was doctoring. He was...so much softer. Maybe because doctoring was almost an exact science where as people’s emotions? Weren’t.

 

“Thanks.” Dean breathed as Castiel slowly let go of his foot, watching Dean slowly and with conflict got up. Putting his foot on the ground, he slightly started to limp. It hurt in a you haven’t used me in a while kind of way, and Dean was glad it didn’t hurt. Castiel watched him go before softly pulling the locket from under his shirt, he eyed it softly before squeezing it into his hand and got up to get ready for work.

 

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Castiel chewed in silence as the giant lovable Simon stared at him, begging without begging. Just watching the food Castiel slowly brought to his mouth. Castiel stared at the dog, with annoyance, as the dog panted happily.

 

Dean watched Castiel move the fork towards his mouth, pausing before the bite then moved it away and then brought it back.

 

“Stop teasing the dog.” Dean limped towards the table as Castiel stared at the dog.

 

“But it’s funny.” Castiel spoke unemotionally. 

 

“Since when do you have a sense of humor?” Dean asked as Castiel raised an eyebrow at him before eating the waffle without another word. Dean blinked at him with a smile, before a knock on the door made him raise his head. “I’ll get it.” Dean moved to stand.

 

“It’s open!” Castiel yelled grumpy already as the front door shot open. 

 

“CASSSSSIE! I HAVE SO MUCH TO TELL YO-” Balthazar hummed when he noticed the rather large dog, just as the dog knocked him over slobbering kisses on his face.  “-Oh you got a dog.” 

 

“Simon!” Dean gasped, as Dean limped over pulling Simon off. “Simon be nice!” Simon panted at Dean before jumping up on Dean trying to lick his face. Dean started to fall back when he collided with Castiel’s chest who caught him from the fall. 

 

“Trying to bust that ankle of yours again?” Castiel raised an eyebrow, as he snapped his fingers ushering Simon away who whimpered and obeyed. 

 

“He’s just excited.” Dean confessed blinking as Castiel put him back up straight, before helping balthazar up. 

 

“Thanks buddy.” Balthazar patted his back as Castiel grunted at the noise going to retrieve himself more coffee.

 

“So...what were you saying?” Dean asked testing putting his foot completely down and standing on it. It was obviously weak, and he was still testing it.

 

“Well….GUESS WHO GOT LAID!” Balthazar cheered as Castiel went wide eyed and spat coffee, Dean smiled not so awkward about the topic. 

 

“Was it with the man from the coffee shop?” Dean asks, remembering their talks every morning before balthazar left with Castiel for the day. 

 

“Why, yes it was.” Balthazar touched his shoulder. “He banged me harder than a kid in a drumline.” Balthazar hummed with a victory fist. “But I bet you two get that.” Castiel whipped his head towards Balthazar with a murderous glare.

 

“Ah...no.” Dean gave a awkward smile. “We...haven’t gotten there.”

 

“We aren’t going to get there!” Castiel snapped. 

 

“Really? I would have thought you love birds would have hit the nail on the coffin.” Balthazar blinked.

 

“Castiel’s not ready.” Dean gave a casual smile.

 

“ _ I’m  _ not ready?!” Castiel snapped mortified.

 

“He’s not a virgin right?” Dean asked as Balthazar shook his head no.

 

“Of course not, he use have a long time r-” Balthazar’s words were cut off when Castiel’s hand slapped over his mouth. Dean blinked in surprise as Castiel didn’t look at him.

 

“...Let’s go.” Castiel pulled his hand away giving a hesitant glance to Dean before walking towards the door. 

 

“Okay.” Balthazar spoke before turning back to Dean. “I’ll see you next time Dean.” Dean opened his mouth to say something but Balthazar was already out the door.

 

“...What...was he going to say?” Dean asked, his eyes moving to Simon who wagged his tail happily.

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**Gabriel’s POV**

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Gabriel rocked the month old who cried noticeably in his arms as Gabriel tried to calm her. Sam was glancing through a baby book trying to figure out how exactly to calm her. Sam flipped through the pages as Gabriel rocked her. How come this baby thing wasn’t coming easy to them? Sam never knew of people having such a hard time with their babies. 

 

“Maybe we are doing something wrong?” Gabriel breathed out with worry.

 

“Maybe she’s sick.” Sam rubbed his eyes.

 

“Neither.” Dean’s voice made them turn to see Dean leaning against the doorway, both people tensed at his presence which Dean took as normal reaction to him. Dean moved to take the girl from Gabriel, holding her almost naturally in his arms. She cried loudly, as he placed her against his chest rocking her as he patted her back. A little burp erupted from the girl who seemed to calm down at the touch, blinking as she relaxed against him. Sam and Gabriel exchanged looks as Dean smiled at the baby.

 

“She...stopped crying. We haven’t had a moment of peace all day.” Gabriel spoke moving to him touching her hand.

 

“She just had a bad burp.” Dean laughed, Sam watched him. Dean was always good with children naturally. Sam eyed him, watching as Dean played with the baby’s little outfit straightening it out. “What did you register her as?” 

 

“Akane.” Gabriel smiled as Dean looked down at her, Gabriel wiped some saliva from her mouth as she yawned. “It means someone you can't stop loving.” Dean hesitantly handed her back to Gabriel who took her lovingly taking a seat at the table.

 

“She’s a real beauty.” Dean gave a soft smile. 

 

“It’s only five years till you get yours.” Gabriel spoke eyeing him, seeing Dean’s eyes lit up at that. Even if he didn’t admit it out loud. Dean wanted nothing more than to settle down and have the normal boring life. 

 

“Speaking of which.” Sam spoke. “How is the married life?” 

 

“...We...didn’t click like you and gabriel.” Dean confessed leaning against the wall. “But...we are adjusting...We got a dog together. His name is Simon.” Dean beamed happily. 

 

“That’s wonderful, dean.” Gabriel spoke, as he laid Akane into her baby bed. She blinked looking around happily. 

 

“Simon? Like...the dog I wanted to have and name when I was ten?” Sam spoke, Gabriel looked away with a sigh, why was sam always causing a fight.

 

“It...was just a name.” Dean spoke as Sam looked at him coldly. 

 

“Sure.” Sam spoke turning to focus on his breakfast, Dean hesitantly looked away. 

 

“S-So when are we going to meet your soulmate? We are dying to meet him.” Gabriel stated as he offered Dean a seat, grabbing some food for him. 

 

“Um...soon.” Dean nodded, as he hesitantly took a seat. “He’s always so busy with work.”

 

“What does he do?” Gabriel asks placing food in front of Dean. 

 

“He’s Dean of Medicine at Rebuta Hospital.” Dean started to help himself to the food as Gabriel took a seat. 

 

“Thanks wonderful, Dean.” Gabriel continued to eat. “Good money. I’m sure he’s extremely smart as well. That’s going to be good when you guys get a child.” 

 

“Yeah.” Dean nodded with a soft smile. 

 

“That’s good since you only got to sophomore year.” Sam said coldly, as Dean’s smile faded. Sam hissed when Gabriel kicked him for being rude, as Sam cast a cold glare at his soulmate. 

 

“...You know you act like I had a choice?” Dean sucked in air, placing his fork down. “Someone had to care for you.” Sam slammed his utensils on the table, making Gabriel jump as Sam glared.

 

“You act like I had a choice to lose my mother!” Sam snapped. “If it wasn’t for you, she’d still be here! To meet my soulmate! To meet my daughter! I  _ wish _ it was-…” Sam stopped realizing his anger was saying something he might end up regretting. Dean got the picture however, cleaning his mouth he stood everyone remained silent as Dean pressed a kiss to gabriel’s cheek before he moved to Akane. He touched her belly saying a soft goodbye, before leaving without another word. 

 

“...Dean Wai-.” Gabriel called but the door closed as Gabriel turned to Sam. Sam seemed to not care, but he did. Gabriel could read him so well. “...It wasn’t his choice either.” 

 

“Yes...It was.” Sam whispered coldly, as Gabriel shook his head angrily getting up he took akane and walked into another room, slamming the door roughly behind him. 

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Dean closed the door to the house, softly letting his car keys hitting the coffee table he took a seat on the couch. Covering his face as he sucked in air. He could feel the tears threatening to fall and he just tried to keep them at bay. 

 

Letting out a choked out painful sob, Dean felt the first couple tears fall. He couldn’t breath after how roughly he was crying, the dog whimpered as it moved to nuzzle against Dean who didn’t react to it. 

 

Dean’s rough sobs echoed in the home, alone it was easier to feel then it was to be this way with others. Dean wasn’t sure why his hand reached for his cellphone, going through the contacts till he got to a familiar name. 

 

He let out a wheeze as he debated the call, but the debate was a second when the phone started to try to connect and call. Dean wiping his tears but they couldn’t stop falling. 

 

“What?” The voice was harsh and cold, as Dean sniffed over the phone. “...” The voice was quiet for what seemed like forever. “...Are you okay?”

 

“...Come home.” Dean sobbed roughly, he didn’t mean to sound this distressed on the phone, but he couldn’t stop his shaking voice. “...Please…”

 

“....” Castiel’s voice was quiet. “...I’ll be there soon.” The line went dead as Dean choked out a more broken sob, burying his face into his hands he just cried loudly in the silence of the home.

 

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**Castiel’s POV**

  
  
  
  
  
  


Castiel tossed his phone onto the desk, sliding back on his pants buckling them. The woman who was almost nearly dressed sprayed perfume to tone down the smell of sweat and sex on her. She eyed Castiel curiously. 

 

“Who was that?” She asked, as Castiel eyed her. He didn’t answer as she eyed his forehead of the name DEAN, moving to him she placed a hand on his chest. He stopped dressing. “Your soulmate?” 

 

Castiel eyed her and didn’t say anything, she pressed a kiss to Castiel lips easily. 

 

“You never usually try to rush off or take phone calls after our moments together.” The woman hummed. “Makes a girl jealous to know she’s not the only one in your life anymore.” She moved to his mirror putting back on her make up. 

 

“You know I only love you.” Castiel spoke, as she paused applying her make up. “...I would only do this...with you.” Castiel touched her waist as she eyed him. “I only ever touch you.”

“...” She hummed at that turning to look at him. “...I wish I could say the same...but you know I can’t.” Castiel let his hand fall as she grabbed her bag. “...My husbands out of town next week for a couple days...He’s taking our son with him...I won’t mind your company when he’s gone...Just let me know.” Castiel nodded watching her leave out the door, his hand moved up to the locket around his neck. His grandmother’s old necklace, he rubbed it soothingly before he got dressed and left without another word. 

 

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Castiel unlocked the door the front door, he was surprised how dark the house was except for the small firelight of the fireplace as Dean sat in front of it. He sniffed into his sweater, Castiel’s sweater that he seemed to be crying into the sleeve he wore. Castiel said nothing as he set his stuff down silently. He kneeled down to Dean his hand hesitantly touching Dean’s leg as Dean slowly registered Castiel’s presence. Dean turned his eyes swollen with tears, as Castiel eyed his face...Dean being hurt like this. 

 

Castiel’s hand slid to cup Dean’s face, holding it firm as tears spilled out of Dean’s face. Castiel’s eyes slid over Dean’s broken soul...his broken everything. Dean’s eyes slid down his face as well. Castiel paused in surprise when Dean’s lips pressed roughly against his, Castiel was taken back. 

 

_ This...was only for her... _

 

Castiel’s other hand moved to grip Dean’s face pressing back into the kiss once he registered. He didn’t know why he was kissing him back. Dean moaned into the kiss, gripping Castiel with desperation, moving off the fireplace ledge Castiel cradled him close as he turned them lowering Dean onto the soft white rug. 

 

_ His lips were only for her to touch… _

 

Castiel’s tongue slid over Dean’s bottom lip, as Dean moaned in almost desperation, which he opened to Castiel. Castiel’s tongue moving to the caverns of Dean’s mouth, as Castiel’s hand moved to grip Dean’s hips that the shirt lifting exposed.

 

_ His body was only ever given to her… _

 

The kiss was heated and needy but neither of them moved to rip each other clothes, lying against each other just making out needingly....lovingly under the fire light.

 

_ Dean’s skin was soft… _

 

“What are you doing to me?” Castiel whispered in a rough voice, as he broke the kiss to leave marks on Dean’s neck. Dean arched his back. 

 

_ Dean’s reactions were beautiful… _

 

Dean closed his eyes, his hands moving to grip Castiel’s shirt tightly, as Castiel nipped at his skin. 

 

_ Castiel had never been this way with her… _

 

_ Just...kissing? No…  _

 

_ Just...leaving his marks on her skin? Never… _

 

_ Why was he so desperate to touch Dean’s skin?  _

 

_ Why was he so desperate to touch him? _

 

“Castiel.” Dean moaned ever so softly Castiel almost didn’t register it. Castiel pulled back cupping his face, as Dean’s eyes slid over his. “...Thank you...for coming...when I called.” 

 

A tear slid down his face, as Castiel quickly wiped it away looking at Dean with a face Dean had never seen on him. 

 

_ Worry… _

 

Castiel softly leaned down pressing the softest kiss on Dean’s lips, as tears filled Dean’s eyes again. Castiel didn’t say anything as he laid next to Dean on the floor, his hand comfortingly sliding up and down the side of Dean’s side as Dean started to sob again. Dean buried his face into Castiel’s chest, as Castiel held him so tightly Dean didn’t think he breathed. Dean a mess of tears as Castiel left loving kisses on Dean’s neck as Dean took in his scent of men's cologne. 

 

Castiel allowing him just to cry himself to sleep in his arms, was the most anyone has ever done for him….and the first time someone...put Dean first...

  
  
  
  



	5. A kiss before dark

 

 

 

 

Balthazar blinked his eyes open as he rubbed his face tiredly, Benny crushing him to his chest. Balthazar smacked his lips tiredly as he turned to bury his face into Benny’s chest. Gripping him tightly back, Benny mumbled while he nuzzled into him not wanting to move, he was so comfy. 

 

The ringing of the phone made them jump, which Balthazar cursed to himself at the loud landline. Turning away from Benny who cursed as well, just wanting to ignore the phone. When the answering machine started up.

 

_ Go. _

 

The beep made balthazar chuckle at the worse answering message he has ever heard, laughing he turned into Benny’s chest. Benny mumbled embarrassed in trying to hold him tighter. 

 

_ B-Benny? I-It’s me. Anna. I-I...I need you to call me. Please...I miss you- _

 

Balthazar had never seen Benny move so fast, angrily picking up the phone. He spoke in a hushed voice, which balthazar sat up, holding the blanket to his chest as he watched Benny’s whole body tensing as he spoke. 

 

He could tell he was uncomfortable, so...it wasn’t like it seemed like there was hidden romantical tension. Benny continued to talk in a cold and hushed voice while Balthazar blinked at him. 

 

“Stop calling.” Benny whispered, the only words Balthazar made out before Benny quietly placed it on the receiver as he stood in the silence. Balthazar climbed out of the bed to hold Benny from behind.

 

The woman on the phone...her name was...Anna… like his soulmate?

 

Benny slowly turned to look at Balthazar, as Balthazar cupped his face softly. Balthazar didn’t ask him the questions he wanted to know, but instead pressed a kiss to his lips. Benny held him, kissing back easily, his hands sliding down Balthazar’s pale body. When Benny pulled back, he slid away the blanket from balthazar’s skin holding him close by the waist. 

 

Balthazar stood in front of him naked, which Benny hummed at, taking it all in before he pressed kisses to Balthazar’s nose.

 

“How would you feel about calling in a sick day? I can...woo you with coffee and freshly cooked breakfast.” Benny spoke as Balthazar blinked at him lovingly. He could tell Benny wanted him to stay. He wanted him there as a comfort, but he would never tell him that. 

 

“Hm.” Balthazar hummed, holding his hands. “Well...I don’t know…” Balthazar hummed, as Benny smiled knowing what Balthazar was going to stay. 

 

“I can definitely make it worth your while.” Benny mumbled as he kissed him. Balthazar smiled into the kiss as he wrapped his arms lovingly around Benny’s neck kissing back. 

 

“Well, if you put it that way.” Balthazar laughed into the kiss, as Benny wiggled his eyebrows playfully causing Balthazar to snort pulling away to laugh. “That’s so unsexy.” 

 

“Whyyy…” Benny teased. “Don’t like it when I-?” He wiggled them dramatically again as Balthazar bolted away from him, laughing so hard as Benny followed him around the house making him laugh. Yeah, there were questions Balthazar wished he could ask...but Benny would tell him when he was ready…

 

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Castiel awoke uncomfortably, as he sat up from the floor. God, had he fallen asleep there? He rubbed his neck awkwardly as he looked around. The house smelled like food, and it smelled  _ good. _ Castiel walked over to see all sorts of cookies and pies that covered the entire table. Dean moved through the kitchen awkwardly like in a frenzy. Dean tensed when he saw him shying away.

 

“U-...Um.” Dean spoke as he choked out some sort of good morning. Castiel frowned noticeably at all the food.

 

“Do you know there are starving kids everywhere?” Castiel stated as Dean made a face taking in all the food he made. “What is wrong with you?” 

 

“I cook when I...feel bad.” Dean bit at his nails with one hand placing the last pie into the oven. 

 

“Feel bad about what?” Castiel blinked at him, Dean spat it out.

 

“I  _ USED _ you yesterday, and I’m sorry okay?!” Dean spat out upset. “Look, I kissed you because I wanted comfort and you were the first person I called.” Castiel blinked at him. “It was wrong of me to play you like that without stating my true intentions. I should have-”

 

“It’s okay.” Castiel spoke. At least they were on the same page about each other. Castiel was worried after Dean had fallen asleep about that. It kept him up most of the night. He was an asshole, but he wasn’t an  _ asshole _ . If you get his drift.

 

“I-I mean, I know strangers on the bus better than you-” Dean stated plainly.

 

“I get it.” Castiel blinked.

 

“-And I’ve never ridden on a bus-” Dean explained.

 

“Oh.” Castiel blinked taken back.

 

“-No offense but it’s because you’re kind of an asshole-” Dean made a face nodding.

 

“ _ Well _ …” Castiel blinked.

 

“-and I’m pretty sure you eat your eggs with ranch...and that’s kinda gross. I’m not about that life.” Dean explained, Castiel blinked slowly nodding his head. 

 

“Fair.” Castiel spoke slowly, with a chuckle. “...Dean, I get it. Really…” They were quiet as they stood in silence before Dean broke into a soft laugh. 

 

“...I was worried you’d hate me.” Dean chuckled, as Castiel found himself laughing along. 

 

“I already hate you.” Castiel commented as they laughed with each other, trying not to but they did. 

 

“...You know.” Dean spoke after a long period of silence as Castiel glanced up at him. “...I do want to learn about you though…”

 

“Dean-” Castiel sighed, tensing as though conflicted.

 

“Just as friends!” Dean spoke, which made Castiel relax. “If we are going to be stuck with each other by law, we might as well like each other...Deal?” Castiel blinked at him before giving a soft smile, looking at Dean’s held open hand.

 

“...Deal.” Castiel shook his hand, as Dean beamed at that. 

 

“Well, now that, that is settled. I made a shit ton of desserts.” Dean ushered. “...You eat a pie and I’ll eat a pie?” 

 

“...Okay.” Castiel took a pie off the table, cherry, as Dean grabbed an apple pie, he offered some forks. Digging into it, Dean leaned against the counter. As he chewed, he glanced at the large amount of pies on the table. 

 

“I have no idea what we are going to do with these.” Dean chewed.

 

“...I’ve got an idea.” Castiel chewed as well, as Dean glanced at him.

 

__________________________________________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Benny stood at the coffee shop in his apron looking at the pies and treats Dean had made. Dean looked shy about it as Balthazar had helped himself to some.

 

“I...never thought about selling homemade food before.” Benny spoke as Balthazar chewed on the brownie. 

 

“You should, these are good.” Balthazar chewed as Dean blushed, looking away he covered his eyes. 

 

“N-No, they aren’t.” Dean choked out as Cas hit him in the back of the head. “Ouch?!” 

 

“What he means is, How much do you want for them?” Castiel spoke crossing his arms as Dean rubbed his head.

 

“ _ Ouch _ .” Dean emphasized glaring at Castiel.

 

“Well...I don’t  _ just _ do business-” Benny spoke but Balthazar held out a brownie in front of benny, offering it to him with innocently blinking eyes as Benny sighed taking a bite. His face lit up at the taste, blinking in surprise. “...I’m willing to negotiate.” Dean blinked in surprise himself, as Castiel smirked at Dean at that before looking at Benny. 

 

“Yes!” Balthazar hummed as he tried to help himself to another brownie but Castiel slapped his hand away. “Ouch! But I helped you!” Balthazar whined holding his hand.

 

“Aren’t you supposed to be at work right now?” Castiel glared his eyes in suspicion. “Didn’t you say you were sick or something?” Balthazar looked like he saw a ghost before he looked away letting out a small fake cough. 

 

“Other stuff aside.” Benny spoke changing the subject he looked at Dean. “Can you make thirty pies a day?” Dean looked conflicted.

 

“He made ten just this morning.” Castiel spoke. 

 

“Then we have a deal.” Benny stated. “I’ll discuss the pay with...your husband.” Benny nodded to Castiel, as Dean nodded quickly. Benny ushered him towards his office, as Dean bit at his nails looking at Balthazar. Balthazar helped himself to another brownies, moving to Dean. 

 

“...So...free coffee?” Balthazar chewed, as Dean looked at him.

 

__________________________________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Dean sipped at his coffee, holding it in his hand as he stared out the window. It had started to rain while they waited for Castiel and Benny to stop talking. Balthazar eyed him as he took a deep breath.

 

“What’s wrong?” Balthazar spoke, as Dean turned to look at him.

 

“What?” Dean blinked as he quickly moved to drink the coffee. 

 

“You...kinda...seem off.” Balthazar spoke.

 

“No, I-” Dean tried to laugh but Balthazar’s face made his smile fade. “...” 

 

“I...have seen that face before.” Balthazar revealed the truth, that he hadn’t bought the lie. “It’s a face I never really let go of.” Balthazar slid his fingers over the name on his hand. “...His name was Richard and he was fifty years old...” Tears welled in his eyes as he quickly wiped them away. Sucking in the air that almost refused to come in. Dean didn’t pressure him, didn’t ask more about it. 

 

Richard was dead. 

Dean looked down into his cup of coffee as Balthazar tried to calm down the floodgate of emotions he only ever got now when he brought him up. Tears he never shed in a proper mourning, when he calmed down he moved to drink again when Dean’s voice gained his attention.

 

“...I was sixteen.” Dean spoke his focus on the rain spilling down the window as he rested his chin on his hand, his fingers sliding against his lip. “...the day I killed my mother.” 

 

Balthazar lowered his coffee, looking at Dean in surprise. The coldness in his voice wasn’t like the Dean he had long conversations. The Dean he knew was kind, dorky, and an overall mess which made him light up a room the second he entered it. This...was a side of Dean he didn’t ever know. A side he didn’t think Dean ever showed anyone before. 

 

It was odd. 

 

Balthazar never saw why Dean and Castiel were suppose to be soulmates, even if they weren’t lovers. Even if they were just best friends kind of soulmates….

 

He saw it now.

 

Dean’s cold darkened green eyes turned his attention towards Balthazar as he looked at him, and Balthazar could only take in the black hole swallowing the stars and moons all around him. Balthazar in a room full of coffee goers taking shelter from the rain… He never felt so alone now under the stare of Dean’s cold eyes. 

 

Castiel reentered the room, which Balthazar noticed the sudden shift from this monster to Dean, and he smiled at Castiel...with what Balthazar wondered...if that bubbly Dean he knew was the real Dean…

 

Dean blinked up at him as Castiel eyed him with his normal angry eyes. 

 

“What is this? Eating on the job?” Castiel scoffed looking at Benny. “Your boyfriend ate all the brownies.” 

 

“What? I did no such thing!” Balthazar gasped looking offended, but he paused before nodding. “Oh no. Yeah that was me.” Dean laughed at his joke, looking to blink up at Castiel. 

 

“Didn’t you even  _ TRY _ to stop him?” Castiel put his hand on his own hip.

 

“No.” Dean hummed as Castiel scoffed. 

 

“You failed me.” Castiel rolled his eyes as he started walking away, Dean started watching him go.  _ “Coming?”  _ Dean turned to look at Benny and Balthazar but realized he was talking to him.

 

“Oh, shit. Me. Yeah.” Dean stood. He didn’t turn back as he walked to catch up with Castiel. “Thanks for negotiating for me.” Dean commented to Castiel.

 

“It just means you can finally pay rent.” Castiel spoke, as Dean whined.

 

“WHAT?!” Dean groaned as Castiel held the door for him. They walked out in the rain as Balthazar watched them go…

 

______________________________________________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


It was official, Dean had a job. Every morning, Dean would get up every morning around two, and cook till five. Benny would come and collect the treats, pay him for the day and Dean would then cook breakfast for Castiel. 

 

Castiel paid for all of his supplies, he even bought him another oven to make it easier for him to cook so many pies for the day. Which cut his baking time at the stove by so much. Of course, Dean owed Castiel rent...and...even kisses. Which...Dean thought were bringing them closer.   
  
Dean sat on the table as Castiel moved to grab more coffee, Dean eyed his back watching him pour coffee into his coffee cup. It was a black one, which he seemed to like more than the others because the small design of a paw on the handle. He also noticed Castiel poured some cinnamon on top of the black coffee, and took it as such. 

 

Dean was slowly learning about Castiel, even if it was how he took his coffee. He wanted to learn about him. Why were they soulmates? Dean grabbed at Castiel’s pajama pants, as Castiel gave him an annoyed glance as Dean leaned up pressing a kiss to his lips. Castiel scrunched his face, which Dean laughed at.

 

“How many do I owe you today?” Dean hummed. 

 

“Six.” Castiel mumbled, setting his coffee cup down, looking away as Dean moved his chin back to kiss him on the lips softly. Castiel took a second to react, as his hands moved to hold Dean’s hips as their lips moved against each other. Heat growing between them, as Dean pressed against him in a hot slow make out session. Castiel’s phone went off in the room, as Dean pulled back humming. 

 

“S-...So…” Dean laughed. “Was that good enough payment?” 

 

“I think...that’s considered one.” Castiel spoke, as Dean chuckled, Castiel moved to check on his phone. 

 

“So. Are you busy the tonight?” Dean called. “There’s this...three day food competition thing at the boardwalk, I was thinking we could go. Yeah? We can try all the spicy foods and-” 

 

Dean’s voice continued as Castiel looked down at his phone, Lisa. 

 

**_Where are you? Did you forget he’s gone? You already missed two days, you only have three days left!!!_ ** **_  
_ ** **_  
_ ** Castiel stared down at his phone, taking in the words that Lisa had wrote. He had...forgotten all about her. 

 

“So what do you think?” Dean asked, now standing in the doorway. Castiel’s eyes moved to Dean who stood there, wearing briefs, a form fitting t-shirt and a plaid rolled up long sleeve. Castiel took him in before looking back at his phone. 

 

His thumb hesitated as he deleted the text, placing his phone back on the nightstand before standing. 

 

“I think, if we do this, you owe me.” Castiel scoffed, crossing his arms. “I can imagine it will be  _ my _ money paying for everything...Unless you are going to chip in with your new income.” 

 

“Hell no.” Dean laughed evilly as he walked towards the kitchen, Castiel smiled in his direction. Ignoring the buzzing on his phone, he followed Dean back into the kitchen. “Oh,  _ no _ . We are definitely using  _ your _ money.”

 

“Oh yeah?” Castiel crossed his arms with a scoff, as Dean hopped back onto the counter.

 

“Yeah.” Dean stated, as Castiel grabbed his cup of coffee again taking a sip.

 

“In your dreams.” Castiel mumbled, as Dean stared at him softly taking him in. Dean lifted his bare foot pressing it against Castiel’s arm which made Castiel frowned, patting him away. “You’re so gross.”

 

“...I think we should play a game.” Dean commented. 

 

“Oh yeah?” Castiel sipped at his coffee.

 

“Truth or dare?” Dean hummed. 

 

“What?” Castiel scoffed. “I’m not playing a child’s game.” Castiel felt Dean grab his shirt, which Castiel paused looking up at him.

 

“...Truth or dare?” Dean spoke as Castiel eyed him, taking the newspaper off the counter. 

 

“...Truth.” Castiel spoke, as Dean eyed him. 

 

“...What’s your favorite color?” Dean asked as Castiel made a amused face at him, before reading the newspaper.

 

“Of all the questions you ask, it’s that one?” Castiel mumbled, taking a sip of coffee. “I’m not answering it. Why do you care anyways?”

 

“I just want to get to know you.” Dean mumbled, as Castiel didn’t react and just continued to read the newspaper.

 

“You don’t need a game to get to know me…” Castiel spoke coldly, as Dean lit up at that. 

 

“Really?” Dean spoke. 

 

“Yes, really.” Castiel scoffed. “I’m an adult and can do adult things when prompted.” 

 

“Really? Could have fooled me.” Dean hummed, looking around as Castiel spun around to look at him all pissed off. 

 

“Listen you son of a-!” Castiel growled when his lips were silenced by a quick kiss. 

 

“You know.” Dean spoke searching his eyes in amusement. “...One day I can see us being friends.” Dean smiled amused by that himself.

 

“Over my dead body.” Castiel squinted his eyes at Dean as Dean hummed at that.

 

“...So...three kisses down?” Dean blinked his eyes innocently as he thought.

 

“Hell no. There is no skimping on kisses. You did only two, asshole!” Castiel snapped as Dean gave him a light quick peck and smirked.

  
  


“Three then?” Dean laughed.

 

“That didn’t count asshole!” Castiel snapped. “You like kissed my teeth and shit!”

 

“Did I?” Dean smiled big with laughter.

 

“YES!” Castiel scoffed in a almost whine, as Dean chuckled pulling him close by his jeans. Dean pressed his lips against Castiel’s softly. Castiel slowly felt Dean pull him closer, his arms moved to hold Castiel against him. The kiss was easy, as Castiel held his waist as the kisses were easy but deep kisses. 

 

Simon came up panting as he licked Castiel’s leg at which Castiel ripped away from Dean, to shoo him away. He ALWAYS licked Castiel’s leg! 

 

“Simon! Bed!” Castiel called, Dean broke into laughter, as the dog moved to lay in its bed happily wagging his tail. “I swear, everytime I yell at him he loves me more!” 

 

“Yeah, he never licks my leg.” Dean laughed. 

 

“Don’t you start.” Castiel spoke as he glared at the dog, which got even more excited to see him.

 

“So...That was five right?” Dean spoke, as Castiel turned glare at Dean. Dean looked amused, as Castiel didn’t respond, only by grabbing him by the back of his neck yanking him back into a hard kiss that made them continue the deep but easy kisses just holding each other in the kitchen while their food got cold.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	6. And I don't know why...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Balthazar's POV**

 

 

 

 

Balthazar eyes shot open as he heard whimpering from benny. Balthazar turned to see Benny facing away, his body tense as tears slid down his face. Balthazar eyed him softly before moving to hold him from behind, snuggling into his body. Feeling the hurt and pain from his lovers, benny turned to hold him.

 

“What’s wrong, my sweet?” Balthazar whispered holding him tightly.

 

“M-....Mia.” Benny choked out a sob. “I miss her...so much.”

 

“I know…” Balthazar held him, cupping Benny’s face as Benny let him wipe his tears away. Balthazar pressed a kiss to Benny’s lips, as he held him close. “...Benny, you can’t keep this in...it’s killing you...this pain...Talk to me.” 

 

Benny didn’t speak for a long time, as he buried his face into balthazar’s neck, but Balthazar never pushed him to speak. Never pushed him to talk. Benny knew he had to explain. Had to eventually tell him but...not today. 

 

Benny cried into balthazar’s neck as Balthazar held him till benny fell asleep. 

 

_________________________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

**Dean’s POV**

  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

Dean ran his fingers through his hair, as he sat on the balcony of their hotel room. He sat in his briefs with a large sweater on, it was late at night and the view from the hotel was beautiful from the honeymoon suite.

 

When did this become a habit? Dean and Castiel had been living with each other for almost four months now. Time...really seemed to be going by fast. It felt like yesterday that Dean and Castiel didn’t speak a word to each other, but now?

They were always disappearing for the weekends. Going to the events in different areas in the surrounding cities, most were of food where Castiel and Dean spent the days bickering and getting fat. 

 

Today was going to be one of the events, a sweets food competitions. Which nearby restaurants would present their desserts and then the people would vote for the best. There was always rides, and games. Though Dean never dared to ride the rides. He couldn’t imagine eating till almost throwing up and then riding a ride that  _ would _ make him throw up. 

 

Dean ripped his eyes away from the view as Castiel opened the door. Dean blinked up at him, as Castiel handed Dean a cup of hot chocolate which Dean took gratefully, before Castiel moved to take a seat at his own chair blowing the steam off his coffee. 

 

“I thought you were sleeping.” Dean hummed looking at him as Castiel tsk’d looking away. Dean blinked at him with care, Castiel...did this when Dean didn’t come to bed on time. Dean was starting to realize how much Castiel needed him to fall asleep, though Castiel would never admit it. Dean set his hot chocolate down on the table to rest his head on his knee just staring at Castiel.

 

“I wasn’t tired.” Castiel scoffed his normal grumpy scowl. Dean had gotten better at reading him. The difference from a grumpy  _ grumpy _ scowl and a happy  _ grumpy _ scowl. Castiel rarely showed anything but a happy  _ grumpy _ scowl now and days. 

 

“I see.” Dean hummed as Castiel focused on the sunrise slowly starting to come up over the mountain top. Dean stared at him for a few moments before collecting his hot chocolate and turning to focus at the sunrise as well. 

 

“...You couldn’t sleep again...” Castiel commented as Dean turned his attention towards him. Castiel continued to focus on the sunset, Dean blinked at him. “...Lately, you are having a hard time sleeping.” It wasn’t a question. It was a statement. Dean smiled softly, not sure to be flattered or impressed Castiel noticed.

 

“I always get like this around this time of year.” Dean confessed. “I can’t help it.”

 

“This about your mother?” Castiel’s comment made Dean pause, taking the hot chocolate from his lips he blinked at Castiel for a few minutes before looking away.

 

“...Are you sure you and balthazar aren’t soulmates? You tell each other when you shit. I swear, you two are already married and I’m just the mistress.” Dean hummed his joke, before taking a sip of the coco.

 

“...It’s important to keep track of your poop.” Castiel commented at that, Dean snorted. “I’m serious, poop is a vital medical test your body does naturally-”

“But you guys send each other pics.” Dean commented as Castiel was going to argue but instead turned away pouting. “Don’t be huffy...It’s nice that you’re close to someone like that...I’ve always wanted that...the closest thing I ever had to that was sam...now...it’s different.”

 

“Sam’s your brother right?” Castiel asked as Dean stared into the coco, he nodded softly as Dean set it down pulling one knee to his chest looking out at the sunrise. “This because you ‘killed’ her.”

 

“...You sound like you don’t believe me.” Dean looked at him, the same cold expression looked back at Castiel who didn’t waver under it like balthazar did.

 

“I don’t.” Castiel stated as Dean eyed him for a second, before he closed his eyes and smirked in amusement before he opened them once more. His eyes looked haunted as he looked away resting his chin on his knee sitting in silence for a long time.

 

____________________________________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Twenty years ago**

  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

Dean sat on his father’s lap as his father blew out a cigarette as he played a game of poker with some of his friends. The room was thick with smoke as the five year old breathed in air that rarely burned his lungs anymore. He was  _ Daddy’s good luck charm _ . John won any hand that Dean was present for, and always believed Dean was the only luck he had. 

 

John took a swig of beer, just as his friend lost, John happily cheered pressing kisses to Dean’s cheek as the five year old giggled happily.

 

“Deano! Your luck strikes again!” John laughed as he tickled his five year old, taking the money from the counter. He gave Dean a cut like normal, which Dean had almost twenty bucks from a dollar each from every game Dean was awake for. 

 

“Awh man.” One of the other men waved him off, as another of the six looked at John. 

 

“...This is all fun, but this isn’t why we are here.” The man stared at john coldly as John slowly let his smile fade. 

 

“Alright, Dean. Bed.” John kissed his forehead. “Mary!” Mary came in from the kitchen, as she smiled at Dean. She took his hand, once John put him down. 

 

“Come on, my little love. It’s past your bedtime.” Mary laughed kissing Dean, as John poked his own lips. 

 

“Where’s mine?” John asked.

 

“You’ll get yours later tonight...plus some.” Mary lightly hit him as the men at the table laughed amused. John smiled at his wife, as Mary pressed a kiss to his lips anyways. Leading Dean towards his shared bedroom, as John slowly turned to look at the still annoyed man who was waiting. 

 

John glanced around before he pulled a small sample bag from his boot, the man eyed john as John offered it to him.

 

“A sample.” John spoke, the man opened the bag, testing the sample. The cocaine in the bag was the good stuff. No question. He could feel it in the texture. He tasted a bit before he nodded to one of the men to show the money. The men showed a suitcase full of money, as john counted the bundles, eyeing them. “This is short.”

 

“I was thinking we could settle this a couple thousand short.” The man stated as John scoffed. 

 

“Come on, man. You know why I do this. The banks going to take the house if I don’t make the payments. I can’t have my boys growing up on the streets.” John explained.

 

“...” The man hesitantly nodded to his men who added a few more bundles in. “Full amount then.” 

 

“Pleasure doing business.” John shook the man’s hand before going to get the suitcase of cocaine he kept in his office desk, he traded the suitcase with the man taking the money. 

 

With this money, he could stop the bank from taking his house. He was so close to paying off the house. Even with the debt. This money was all he needed. Then he could get out of the business. John turned to put the money away as a gun clicking stopped him.

 

“Hands up.” The man spoke as he pulled off his beanie, now holding a badge as John dropped the money. His face paling as he put his hands in the air. John’s buddy tried to fight but the other cop had him pinned against the table in seconds. John stared at the uncovered cop as Dean bolted out into the room.

 

“DADDY! DADDY I FORGOT!” Dean called bolting to his father’s legs. John hesitantly looked down at his innocent son.

 

“I need you to go to bed.” John spoke very seriously, as Mary came back out to collect him but froze in fear once her eyes fell onto the cops who paid her no mind. 

 

“I forgot, daddy.” Dean stated happy oblivious to the tension.

 

“Dean.” Mary tried to wave him over. “Come, now!”

 

“I didn’t get to make sure you win the next time!” Dean spoke giving john a light tug on his pants. “Good luck kiss, daddy!”

 

“Go to your mother!” John spoke but Dean ignored him trying to kiss him.  

 

“Dean!” Mary begged as the cop kept an eye on John, Dean got on his tippy toes trying to give the kiss. John saw this ending badly. His son. He didn’t know better. He had to protect him...No matter what.

 

“I don’t  _ want _ a good luck kiss.” John spat coldly. He watched Dean be taken back. He needed to protect his son. Even if it meant hurting him.

 

“Daddy?” Dean looked up at him hurt.

 

“...Don’t you get it yet boy?” John stated making Dean recoil at his hurtful words. “You aren’t  _ lucky _ ! You are the opposite of that! Look at what you did!” Dean looked at the men, seeing John’s friend pinned in pain on the table. “ _ You’re bad luck, Dean _ .” 

 

John’s face looked pained as his five year old son’s eyes filled with tears as he bolted to his mother sobbing. Mary understood giving john a grateful look, quickly moving Dean into the back room with the toddler Sam. That was the last time John saw his son as he laid onto the floor, a tear sliding down his face. The cop placing the cuffs onto John’s wrists as he stared in the direction his family had gone in before they took him away.

  
  


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**_Thirteen years later_ **

  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

Sixteen year old Dean Winchester moved down the stairs quickly as his fourteen year old brother stared at him from the breakfast table helping himself to the breakfast his mother made him. 

 

Dean needed to be quick before Mary noticed he was leaving, and it was obviously he didn’t want to get stuck here and be forced to go see his father for a jail time visit. Dean avoided that like the black plague. 

 

“Bye Sam.” Dean called as Sam waved, as Dean pulled open the door, pausing when he saw his mother standing outside it. “AH-uh….hi?” 

 

“Where are you going?” Mary spoke crossing her arms.

 

“U-...Uh…” Dean choked out trying to come up with a good reason, as Mary crossed her arms.

 

“...We are visiting your father today.” Mary spoke with a sigh, blinking at her eldest son.

 

“W-...Was that today?” Dean choked out his lie. 

 

“Good one, Dean.” Sam called as Dean glared towards Sam’s direction. 

 

“Dean, it has been thirteen years!” Mary sighed. “Please see your father.”

 

“You never tried to force me before.” Dean crossed his arms giving up his act.

 

“You use to cry whenever I brought up your father.” Mary sighed sadly. “I hope you would mature into seeing him, but you're sixteen years old. Your father misses you.” 

 

“...” Dean said nothing obviously not believing her, as a horn from his friends in the car showed people were waiting for him.

 

“...” Mary looked down. “...I’ll let you go this time...but you have to go next time.” Mary caressed the inside of his face. “Promise me.”

 

“...I promise.” Dean mumbled as she moved aside. 

 

“Be safe.” She called as Dean walked past him. “...I swear, Dean, you’ll be the death of me.” Dean paused at her mumbled words as she turned to close the door. She didn’t think twice of the words that normally were meaningless, Dean flinched when the door softly closed. Dean’s heart dropped at the words as Dean did what he always did when things got too hard...to  _ real. _ He ran.

 

___________________________________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

**Six hours later**

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

Dean bolted into the emergency room, panting and worried. He bolted to the front desk, as he slammed his hand on the desk.

 

“WINCHESTERS’! WHICH ROOM IS THE WINCHESTERS’ ?!” Dean yelled as the nurse choked out the number as Dean bolted down the hall. He ran into the room, as Sam sobbed as they looked over his face. 

 

“MOM!” Sam cried as he reached for her, as the doctors’ were trying to do everything in their power to save her. Dean moved to Sam, as the nurse tried to keep him calm. 

 

“SOMEONE GET THAT KID INTO ANOTHER ROOM!” The doctor spoke, as he tried to get her heart started again. Sam was crying as Dean focused on his mother, Dean wasn’t sure how long it was till her heart beated back to life. 

 

Dean released a breath when the machine registered her life, and the doctors slowly found themselves relaxing. One by one the extra doctors moved away, letting her main doctor, Dean recognized as his mother’s old friend take over. Sam cried softly as Dean took his hand holding him. 

 

“T-The semi came out of nowhere.” Sam whimpered as he looked at their mother, connected to every machine in the hospital it seemed. “S-...She wasn’t wearing a seatbelt, Dean.” Sam buried his face into Dean’s chest as Dean held him tightly not letting him go as Sam bawled his eyes out.

 

_______________________________________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

**Two hours later**

  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

Dean sat next to Sam, holding his hand as he looked at his mother who still laid unresponsive. Sam had finally cried himself to sleep, and was now resting after the accident. Dean watched her when the sound of the door opening made him turn.

 

“...May I talk to you?” The doctor, spoke as Dean nodding standing. Dean walked with the doctor towards Mary as The doctor looked uncomfortable. “...Are you sure there isn’t anyone else we can contact. Another family member?”

 

“No, there is no one else.” Dean crossed his arms. “My mom is an only child and my father’s relatives are all disowned us and live in europe….I’m all you got.” The doctor paused for a long time. “....Is she still unresponsive?” Mark nodded.

 

“...We ran every test we can think of.” Mark spoke. “...She’s brain dead...a vegetable... without those machines...she wouldn’t be here right now.”

 

“There’s gotta be something-” Dean’s face fell when the doctor shook his head. “...What do you recommend?” 

 

“...I’m going to be realistic with you,  I as your mother’s old friend owe her to tell you the truth. ” The doctor spoke. “...But with your mother in this state. You are your brother’s legal guardian, unless you give him up to the state which knowing you, you won’t. You are going to need a job.”

 

“I understand.” Dean spoke.

 

“No, I don’t think you do.” Mark stated. “You’ve never had a job before, haven’t graduated. Keeping a income to keep him will be hard. Your mother finished paying off the house, which means you have a home no matter what.”

 

“...What are you getting at?” Dean spoke as Mark sighed. 

 

“To keep your mother alive, you will need to keep up payments. Payments you can’t afford-” Mark explained in a hushed voice.

 

“So? She’s my mother?” Dean scoffed upset. 

 

“You’ll lose your brother keeping up a corpse alive. Then when the payments get behind they will pull the plug anyways.” Mark stated. 

 

“Why are you telling me this?” Dean choked out trying to keep his voice steady.

 

“Your mother told me she never wanted to be on life support long ago.” Mark stated. “Look...I get this is a lot to swallow. I just think that you need to consider what you will or will not do. Everything you do now...it affects you and your brother for the rest of your lives.” Mark walked away, as Dean looked at his mother taking a seat next to her, he held her fragile hand in his hands quiet room… he sat in silence for a long time before he spoke. 

 

“...Hey mom.” Dean whispered as he felt tears slide down his face. He tried to get more words out, to beg her to tell him what to do but all he choked out was. “...I should have gone...It should have been me…” Dean sobbed as he held her hand crying into her lifeless hand. Crying for his mother’s curse of having such a unlucky son.

 

________________________________________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

**Sam’s POV**

  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

Sam awoke to pain in his broken wrist, and his eyes stung with tears as he quietly rubbed it, when he heard quiet whispering he paused looking over his shoulder towards it.

 

“...You made the right choice, Dean.” Mark spoke, as he patted his shoulder. Dean nodded hesitantly, as he stared at the now empty bed. The nurse turning off the machines, as she collected the rest what she needed and left. “She’s in a better place now.” 

 

Mark slowly turned walking away, as Sam’s eyes fell onto Dean. Sam sucked in air. What did he mean? 

 

“D...Dean.” Sam choked out as Dean tensed, hesitantly turning to look at the fourteen year old. Sam could read him like a book, as Sam looked down tears spilling out of his eyes as he started to have a panic attack. 

 

“S-Sam.” Dean moved to him. 

 

“DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME!” Sam screamed throwing the closest thing at him, which was a hospital bed pan. It hit Dean hard in the side of the head causing blood to slid down Dean’s temple as Mark rushed back in. 

 

“Dean?!” Mark moved to him putting pressure to his wound. 

 

“YOU’RE A MONSTER! HOW COULD YOU?! HOW FUCKING COULD YOU?!” Sam sobbed, as the nurse came in. 

 

“Dean, you are going to need stitches.” Mark spoke as blood slid down Dean’s face, as Mark took Dean from the room.

 

“SHE WAS OUR MOTHER!” Sam’s words echoed down the hall with his sobs of pain. “WHY DID YOU TAKE HER FROM ME TOO?!” 

 

“He doesn’t mean it...he’s just mourning…” Mark spoke words of comfort to Dean was lead away, but Dean knew better than to believe mark.

 

_________________________________________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Now**

  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

Dean said nothing as he chewed on his thumbnail, saying nothing as he held himself. He could feel Castiel’s eyes on him as a single tear slid down Dean’s cheek which Dean wiped away quickly his face cold without emotions. Castiel said nothing just processing, as he looked away. 

 

“...I never told anyone that before.” Dean sniffed, as he let out a chuckle. “I-I… don’t know why I told you that to be honest...I guess it’s because you're my best friend….haven’t had a friend in a while. Not a long time. ” Dean stood as he collected their coffee cups. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to kill the mood….sorry. I’m just...” Dean didn’t finish as he walked into the hotel room, washing the cups in the sink before placing them to dry. 

 

Dean took a deep breath leaning against the sink, as he rubbed his face of tears that started to fall again before he turned to walk away. Crashing into a chest directly behind him, Dean looked up at Castiel’s eyes in surprise as they stared at each other in silence. Dean wasn’t sure why or how it happened but he found himself cradled into Castiel’s arms. Being held against his chest, as Dean’s arms wrapped around Castiel’s neck. 

 

Castiel’s hands slid under his shirt, feeling the skin of his lower stomach. Dean moaned in response, the kiss deepened. Dean knew it was him that started the pulling off clothes, breaking the kiss to pull off his large sweater. Staring into Castiel’s eyes who also realized what was happening, but the second his sweater was off. Castiel pulled him back against him rather roughly, as they stumbled back into the bedroom area of the hotel. 

 

_ Dean was doing it again.  _

 

Dean felt himself fall onto the bed, as Castiel climbed on top of him. Their lips having a hard time leaving each other, as Dean pulled off his large t-shirt before his fingers moved against Castiel’s bare chest. 

 

_ Using Castiel to run from his feelings.  _

 

Dean felt Castiel tug down his briefs with a couple hard tugs, which Dean moaned, instantly moved to connect their lips together. 

 

_ He should stop this. He wasn’t be honest with his feelings, he didn’t  _ **_love_ ** _ Castiel. _

 

Dean’s hand slid under Castiel’s boxers, giving his ass a firm squeeze, which got Castiel to tug free his own boxers. 

 

_ But...why did he want this to continue so badly? _

 

Castiel’s warm body pressed against Dean’s and Dean forgot all about stopping. He forgot all about telling Castiel his true intentions. Dean moved to grip the back of Castiel’s hair, as Castiel broke the kiss to leave hickeys against Dean’s skin. Dean gasped feeling Castiel’s hand slid down his body. 

 

_ Why wasn’t castiel stopping this? _

 

Dean choked out, looking down to see Castiel touching him. Dean’s arm reached out for the honeymoon basket that they sometimes had in the honeymoon suites, Castiel just tossed into a drawer. Grabbing the lube from the drawer, he left it on the bed next to them. His focus on Castiel, as Castiel’s fingers touched him. Dean could only close his eyes, gasping and arching his back as Castiel felt him. 

 

_ Why was Castiel touching him too? _

 

Dean choked out a noise as he covered his eyes when he felt Castiel’s lube first finger slide into him. Dean had been with people before. It wasn’t...all the time. Dean had about three one night stands with a couple different men before. Once in high school where he lost it just to feel better the night after his mother's funeral and the others were once Sam moved out on his own at sixteen, legally separating himself willingly. Of course instead of dealing with his feelings...Dean just...ran...Dean went around the country just traveling, never staying in one place too long. 

 

_ Dean always ran. _

 

Dean glanced down to look at the fingers inside of him, the way Castiel was touching him. Dean brought his eyes to look at Castiel’s. Castiel’s eyes were focused on him, Dean’s eyes searched Castiel’s as Castiel’s searched his back. Pulling his fingers from Dean with ease, he whimpered. Castiel took his time, making sure to read Dean’s expression, as he moved himself into position.

 

_ This expression...he didn’t ever see Castiel have it before.  _

 

Dean felt so vulnerable…Normally he would have ran a long time ago, find a reason he needed to go but Dean moved to press his lips softly to Castiel’s. Castiel pressed back on the kiss allowing the kissing to grow heated once more. Both just enjoying the kiss, Dean choked out a moan when he felt Castiel slowly enter him. 

 

Castiel’s little gasp of pleasure was so cute, as he slid into Dean with his lube cock. Dean panted against Castiel’s lips as he slowly adjusted to Castiel. Staring into each other's eyes, waiting till they had adjusted. They weren’t in a rush. They were….enjoying each other. 

 

When Dean gave a soft slow nod, Castiel slowly started to pull out taking his time to rock back in. Dean let out a breathy moan, as he leaned forward to press kisses against Castiel’s skin. The thrusts building, as their easy start became a rough and hard. Dean moaning loudly as the bed squeaked, Dean’s nails dug into Castiel’s skin. 

 

Their skins covered in hickeys, bites, scratches and sweat, Dean’s nails almost drawing blood as they enjoyed this moment of intimacy. When Dean’s orgasm hit, Dean whimpered, gripping tight on Castiel’s hair. Dean pressing his forehead against Castiel’s as he closed his eyes, gasping a moan again Castiel’s lips. Warm cum spilled onto his stomach, as Castiel continued to thrust deeply into Dean. 

 

Dean held his breath when Castiel’s orgasm to came, he took a second to listen to his moan. To take in Castiel’s reaction to his own orgasm. Castiel’s face scrunched, he tensed tightly, letting out a fairly loud moan.  

 

When Castiel’s orgasm finished, they slowly relaxed, remaining in their same position. Holding each other tightly, as they slowly finished their high. Their closed eyes slowly opened to look at each other, as the realization slowly dawned on them what they have done.

 

_ They...had sex... _

 

Dean blinked slowly staring at each other's eyes.

 

“...I-...” Dean choked out as Castiel spoke.

 

_ I used you again... _

 

“I know…” Castiel whispered petting Dean’s hair softly. 

 

_ No...you can’t understand... _

 

“...and it’s okay…” Castiel whispered with a face of  _ happy  _ grumpiness.

 

_...because...I don’t understand… _

 

Castiel eyed his face, before pulling out. Castiel moved to lay besides Dean in the bed, both of them sitting in the bed staring at the ceiling which was covered in a ugly painting of naked cupid babies. 

 

_ ….This...wasn’t like the other times he had sex with people…. _

 

Dean turned to look at Castiel, who slowly turned to look at him, still lightly catching his breath.

 

_...This was different... _

 

Dean laughed to himself softly, as Castiel softly smiled to himself, both laughing at the awkwardness after sex together for the first time. Dean turned laughing into Castiel’s chest, as Castiel even lightly laughed along. 

 

_...and I don’t know why…. _

 

“You should have seen your face!” Dean teased as he mimicked it, Castiel playfully hit him with a pillow. “Your orgasm face was priceless!” Castiel hit him again as Dean broke into harder laughter. Just enjoying themselves, as Dean grabbed his own pillow roughly hitting him back, Causing a very mature adult thing….A pillow fight.

 

______________________________________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Castiel’s POV**

  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

_ Dean was snoring.  _

  
  


Castiel’s eyes slid over Dean’s sleeping form which was currently sleeping on his stomach, facing Castiel. Castiel took in the hickeys, scratches, and love bites Castiel had plastered over Dean like a warning label. 

 

_ Dean was his. _

 

Castiel recoiled at the thought, quickly mentally recanting at the previous thought. He was just excited. He never...experienced sex like that. So heated. So...intimate. 

 

Castiel has only ever been with one person. Lost his virginity to lisa during medical school, and with their relationship as it’s been. This grey area. That was ever it. He only ever been with her.

 

_...This whole thing...This was completely new to Castiel. _

 

Castiel’s eyes moved to Dean, who slowly breathed in and out. Castiel’s fingers hesitantly reached out sliding some strains out of Dean’s face. 

 

_ ….Sex with Dean...was completely different then with her. _

 

Castiel laid facing Dean, taking him all in.

 

_...It was better…. _

 

Castiel pulled Dean close after a couple minutes just nuzzling into his back as Dean snuggled back in his sleep. Castiel blinked holding him for a couple more minutes before he buried his face into Dean’s neck.

 

_...and I don’t know why…. _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	7. Softer than kisses

 

 

** **

 

 

 

**Castiel’s POV**

  
  
  
  
  


Castiel worked at his desk, his reading glasses on his face as he glanced over each document thoroughly. He was working late tonight, which Dean knew he was doing. He made sure to fill Dean in so Dean didn’t worry-

 

Castiel frowned at his own thoughts taking off his reading glasses, rubbing his eyes. Why the  _ fuck _ did he give any  _ shits  _ if Dean knew where he was.

 

They were... _ friends. _ He guessed. 

 

Castiel slid on his glasses, going to look at the papers again.

 

They were friends who  _...had sex _ two months ago.

 

Castiel frowned noticeably at the paper, trying to focus on it, but his thoughts kept slipping to Dean. Dean and him had sex once. Neither of them talked about it. 

 

It seemed though nothing changed between them from it. 

 

Which Castiel was grateful for…   
  
That morning in the hotel, they stayed most of the day in bed, just laying in the bed enjoying room service and the large bedroom tv. Dean cuddling against his chest. Castiel’s eyes kept drifting to the man laying against him naked, chewed on popcorn. 

 

They stayed almost the whole day that way...and Castiel...didn’t know how he felt about it…

 

He fucking hated people. 

 

He hated affection.

 

But… He didn’t...object to it…

 

_ “Cas.” Dean sucked in air before choking it out pleasure as he looked into Castiel’s eyes as Castiel thrusted roughly into him. _

 

Castiel blushed as he forced on his glasses, before grabbing the papers and... _ happy  _ grumpy stared at them. His focus on the papers when his door opened, Castiel didn’t bother to look up.

 

“Go away, balthazar.” Castiel called but a figure moving to sit on his desk, Castiel looked up pissed when he saw Lisa sitting there. She took off her glasses, looking like some kind of librarian fetish. Castiel was taken back, as she eyed him lustfully taking her hair out of the bun.

 

“Wrong person.” Lisa hummed. 

 

“Lisa-” Castiel spoke in surprise. God...he haven’t give her a passing thought.

 

“You are starting to become a hard person to find.” Lisa eyed him as she opened her legs, wearing no underwear Castiel’s eyes almost out of instinct moved to look away. “I’m starting to take it personally.”

 

“You should.” Castiel mumbled, but she didn’t take the comment to heart. He was always cruel, he couldn’t show affection to anyone. He couldn’t love anyone. Neither could lisa. That’s how they worked. They lacked empathy. 

 

“My husband knows I’ll be home late.” Lisa started to unbutton her top, as Castiel slowly raised his eyes to her hesitantly.

 

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**Dean’s POV**

  
  
  
  


Dean held two bags as he walked into the hospital, he carried fresh homemade meals since Castiel wasn’t going to be home till late. Dean had never just visited before. He had dropped off some stuff Castiel forgot before, but he never just dropped by unexpectedly. He knew he should have called since Castiel hated surprises...but Castiel would forgive him. 

 

“U-Um!” Dean tried to catch the attention of the nurse passing by, he didn’t remember if Castiel’s office was 2344 or 3244. He didn’t exactly want to run around the hospital.

 

“Deano!” Balthazar hummed as Dean looked at him in relief. 

 

“Balthazar. Hey.” Dean smiled as he held the food. 

 

“Something smells good.” Balthazar hummed trying to see what was in the bag. “Did you come to spoil your husband with dinner?” Dean swatted his hand away when Balthazar tried to grab something.

 

“Can you tell me his office number?” Dean asked as Balthazar pouted. “I’ll let you have whatever’s left over when we are done.”

 

“Ooh you brought one for yourself too.” Balthazar winked. “A date?”

 

“I-It’s not a date.” Dean blushed. “W-We are just friends.” ...was this a date? No...It couldn’t have progressed that far without his knowledge...He did sleep with Castiel, but that was months ago...So...shouldn’t something had happen to show they had progressed?

 

“Suuuure.” Balthazar rolled his eyes. “Room 5119.”

 

“I was so wrong.” Dean laughed as balthazar patted his back.

 

“Thank god you’re cute...” Balthazar sighed as Dean playfully shoved him.

 

“Up yours.” Dean laughed as balthazar watched Dean walk towards the elevator. Balthazar smiled to himself at how...grossly adorable those two were progressing. Even if they didn’t notice. Balthazar had to swat the hearts floating in the air when they were near him together. Balthazar eyed him before he disappeared out of view and continued on his way.

 

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**Castiel’s POV**

  
  
  
  


“So? What do you say?” Lisa purred as Castiel grabbed her knees hesitantly, she smirked but it faded instantly when Castiel closed her legs.

 

“Lisa, this is my office and I’m working.” Castiel waved her off, going back to his paperwork.

“...You didn’t mind before?” Lisa scoffed angry.

 

“Well, I fucking mind now.” Castiel snapped back. “Leave my office with this inappropriate behavior and for god sakes...get some underwear on. This is a work place, not a place to have sex.” Castiel focused on writing on the paper as she stared at him angrily. Before she hopped off his desk, she fixed her top all pissed off. 

 

“Whatever the fuck’s wrong with you, You need to fix asap.” Lisa snapped as she threw her hair back into a messy bun. “Growing a conscious or something?”

 

“I have no conscious. Just leave. I am in no mood for any of this. I would just like to fucking work in peace.” Castiel shooed her off with a half usher to the door. She glared at him, before she stormed out of the office. Barely passing Dean who just got out of the way of her storming off.

 

Dean eyed her wincing at her anger. Yeah. His boyfriend had a habit of that- Dean recoiled at the words. 

 

Did he just mentally call castiel his... _ boyfriend? _

 

Dean shook the thought out of his thoughts as he knocked on the open door.

 

“Go away.” Castiel spoke not looking to see who it was expecting balthazar, Dean ignored him closing the door as he entered. He had only knocked out of courtesy. Dean came in taking a seat on the desk corner where lisa sat before plopping the bag of food onto Castiel’s paperwork. “I swear-” 

 

Castiel ripped off his glasses ready to scream his head off when his anger cut short seeing Dean who smiled softly at him.

 

“...What fuck are you doing here?” Castiel slightly blushed with his  _ happy _ grumpy face. His happy grumpy face always looked angrier than his  _ angry _ grumpy face which always cause stares when Dean smiled at him in public. 

 

“Missed you too.” Dean retorted which didn’t gain a response from Castiel who looked away a awkward quietness hit them before Dean cleared his throat. “...That and I thought you might be hungry.” Dean ushered to the bag as Castiel eyed it with a frown. “Every meal remember?”

 

Castiel’s eyes moved to Dean taking him in with the same frown before looking at the food. Castiel pulled out a soup container, Castiel eyed it before opening it. 

 

“Curry?” Castiel questioned, his eyes taking in the delicious smell. “I thought you refused to make curry because it makes the place smell like it for weeks?”

 

“Because for some stupid as fuck reason, you like it.” Dean mumbled as he pulled out his own container. “It’s gross but whatever. As long as you're happy.” 

 

Dean rolled his eyes, he dug into the gross food looking looking anywhere but Castiel. His face showered his misery as Dean cringing as he swallowed. Castiel stared at him with no emotion as he watched Dean try to eat the curry. After three bites Dean forced the lid back on the curry and forced it into Castiel’s hand as Castiel stood.  

 

“I-I tried I can’t.” Dean made a face as Castiel slowly put their food bag on the floor. “I really did-” Dean’s face was cupped, forcing Dean to turn as Castiel met his curry tasting lips in a hard kiss.

 

Dean sucked in air in surprise before he registered the kiss, lightly gripping Castiel he kissed back just as hard. His arms sliding around Castiel’s shoulders, as Castiel’s tongue found the inside of Dean’s mouth. The kiss was a heated mess of lust as Castiel slid Dean to the middle of his desk knocking his paperwork away with a slid of his arm. 

 

Dean’s and Castiel’s lips refused to leave each other as Castiel forced Dean close against his groin, Dean sucked in air at the contact. Castiel now in the space inbetween his legs, as Dean and Castiel kissed, roughly unbuttoning and ripping clothes off in a hurry. Both glad to have worn buttoned shirts, as their clothes were tossed over the office. 

 

There was no real preparation, as Castiel lubed his cock and Dean’s hole with his hand lotion, honestly anything better than dry. Dean opened his legs wide in need, as Castiel moved his cock towards Dean’s hole. Dean cried out in pleasure as Castiel slid in, instantly started to roughly rock on. 

 

Dean could only just  _ hold on _ , his nails digging into Castiel’s flesh as Castiel pounded him roughly. Making sure his thrusts made Dean bite back a scream, using Castiel’s collar bone to silence himself. Castiel grunted at the feeling of Dean’s rough bites, as he gripped Dean’s hair. 

 

Dean was pretty sure he was gaining a fetish.

 

Dean gasped and choked for air as Castiel loud thrusts filled the air, as his balls slapped against Dean’s ass. Dean’s eyes slid over the marks he had put on Castiel’s body out of pleasure, out of emotions...Dean loved every one, as he silently vowed to never allow that paled neck to be without them. 

 

One harsh thrust against his prostate made Dean let out a extremely loud breathy whimper, as Castiel silenced him with his lips. Dean could only grip Castiel tightly as Castiel kissed him with need and….something else…

 

Dean felt his orgasm coming, as Dean broke the kiss to stare at Castiel’s face. Dean’s orgasm exploded while Castiel continued to pound him. Dean glanced down only for a brief moment to watch his body become a mess under Castiel before Dean brought his beautiful innocent green eyes up to look at his harsh blues. 

 

Dean enjoyed Castiel rough pounding, letting Castiel continue even though Dean had came. Dean was still feeling so good, and he let out loud whimpers as he bit his hand to keep it down. Castiel aiming deeper and brushed against his prostate. 

 

Castiel couldn’t get enough of  _ every _ mother fucking sound Dean made. He wanted that sound for his. It was  **_HIS_ ** . Those little whimpers of pleasure. They were  **_ONLY_ ** his.

 

Castiel watched Dean, taking in Dean’s focus on Castiel’s cock pounding him. Dean watched as his cock gave little squirts of the remainder of his cum in his soft shaft. Dean whimpered each time, letting out loud gasps for air. Till six more rough rocks made Dean gasp loudly, Castiel bit Dean’s throat, claiming the gasped moan before Castiel exploded cum inside him. Dean shivered as he shiver feeling Castiel spill each drop into him.

 

Castiel remained inside him as Dean shivered violently from all the pleasure, Castiel eyed him brushing some sweaty hair from Dean’s face, as their cum slid down the desk. Castiel may have had sex before with lisa...but this was extremely uncomparable. 

 

Castiel and lisa just seemed  _ routine.  _ A habit. Lisa wanted sex and Castiel use to give it. It wasn’t a relationship. It was more of a arrangement. They couldn’t love anyone. 

 

Dean’s eyes looked into Castiel as he held him tightly to stop himself from just collapsing, whimpering when Castiel pulled out. Castiel breathed eyeing his face as Dean slowly smiled placing soft kisses to his lips. 

 

“You haven’t barebacked before me.” Dean hummed kissing him.

 

“What makes you say that?” Castiel frowned panting but accepted the kisses.

 

“I can tell this is as new and good to you as it is for me.” Dean breathed eyeing his face. “...I’m glad...I’m your first….and last.” Castiel paused at that as Dean blushed roughly unable to look him in the eyes. 

 

“Dean…” Castiel started hesitantly as Dean’s face looked away. 

 

“I’m just not thinking straight.” Dean panted as he buried his face into Castiel’s neck, embarrassed by the comment he made in the emotional high of sex. Castiel scoffed.

 

“You can’t be my first, dumbass. We both lost our virginities already.” Castiel rolled his eyes pulling back to look at Dean who had covered his face from more embarrassment. 

 

“I said I wasn’t thinking straight.” Dean mumbled, as Castiel smiled softly at that. 

 

“Hey, if you are going to even THINK of date me, you need to think straight all the time, dummy.” Castiel flicked his forehead as Dean whined rubbing it but paused when he heard what Castiel said. Dean slowly moved his hand away from his face, looking at Castiel with surprise.

 

“...Did you say we were dating?” Dean asked as Castiel played nervously with his locket on his neck still pretending he didn’t care but Dean saw right through him.

 

“Since you were practically begging, I had no choice.” Castiel scoffed crossing his arms, Dean went red as a small smile appeared on his face. “Hey hey, don’t do that ugly blush smile you do, this is a business arrangement. To have ME as your boyfriend, I demand curry once a week.” Dean made a face of disgust, looking away.

 

“...I’d rather die single.” Dean mumbled as Castiel forced Dean’s chin to look at him with a  _ happy _ grumpy face, and planted a quick kiss. 

 

“BUT we aren’t  _ exclusive  _ yet.” Castiel smirked as Dean eyed him. “You got to work for this.” He gestured to himself.

 

“Please who else have you been banging lately.” Dean snickered as he pushed Castiel with his foot, Castiel made a face swatting it away. Dean was right. Who had he been fucking lately? Castiel poked his forehead, as Castiel moved to find his underwear. 

 

“Get dressed, eh.” Castiel made a face at him. “I’m suppose to be working.”

 

“If I was your boss, I would have fired you.” Dean hummed as he sat on the desk. Not feeling strong enough to stand, Castiel was already handing him clothes though so Dean just contently sat dressing as Castiel handed him clothes while collecting his. 

 

“Luckily for me, I’m the boss.” Castiel actually smiled at a bit at Dean’s teasing. Dean eyed him softly, getting dressed as Castiel retrieved his clothes. After a bit, Dean gave up waiting for his underwear which they both couldn’t find, Dean just slid up his jeans. Dean moving to sit back on the desk after they had cleaned up their mess. 

 

After all was said and done, Castiel asked his receptionist to bring up a meal from the cafeteria for Dean and helped himself to both helpings of the curry.  They talked about random things while they ate, just enjoying each other’s company. Dean’s cell phone beeped with a text, as he stopped eating his pudding to look at it. 

 

“Crap, I forgot I had a dinner date with Sam and Gabe.” Dean stated. “Gabe just texted me to bring a pie.” Dean showed Castiel who seemed annoyed. 

 

“Why are you even seeing them? They always make you feel like shit.” Castiel stated, as Dean shrugged. 

 

“Their family.” Dean chewed on the other half of his peanut butter and jelly. “What can you do.”

 

“...” Castiel sighed annoyed. “What time you do you have to go?”

 

“In a couple hours.” Dean chewed, as Castiel eyed him. “Around eight.”

 

“...I’ll met you at home then. I’ll go with you.” Castiel sighed. “I hate watching you mope when you get home from their house, so i’ll just try to prevent that from happening.”

 

“You...want to go?...but...we aren’t exclusive?” Dean tilted his head as Castiel went back to working.

 

“We  _ are _ dating, might as well give them a reason to hate me like all in law's.” Castiel spoke as Dean smiled at him at Castiel’s willingness to meet his family. Dean hopped off the counter, as Castiel glanced up at him.

 

“Well then, I better get started on the pie.” Dean hummed, before pressing a quick kiss to Castiel’s lips. “I’ll see you at home, yeah?” Castiel nodded watching Dean grab his car keys from his pocket and walk out the door. Castiel smiled to himself softly as he went back to working when a knock on his door made him speak.

 

“Go away, balthazar.” Castiel stated.

 

“Damn, how do you always know it's me?” Balthazar whined, as Castiel looked at him unamused. He ALWAYS assumed it was him. Balthazar watched Castiel go back to work, as Balthazar paused noticing something. “...So how are you and dean? Anything new?”

 

“...Same old same old.” Castiel comments as he wrote, glancing up after a moment. “Why do you ask-” Castiel paused seeing Dean’s underwear balthazar pulled from his ceiling fan. Castiel sighed taking off his reading glasses. 

 

“You are starting to like him.” Balthazar hummed. 

 

“No, I’m not.” Castiel snatched the underwear away from balthazar shoving it into his desk.

 

“You SO Are.” Balthazar moved to take a seat on his desk, but decided against it eyeing it. “...wait you slept with...him on your desk...huh.”

 

“Yeah.” Castiel rubbed the bridge of his nose, as Balthazar decided to sit in the chair. Like a normal person would in their boss's office.

 

“You so like him and his weird as fuck-ness.” Balthazar smirked as Castiel looked at him annoyed, moving one stack off to the side on his desk.

 

“No.” Castiel spoke, obviously trying to be busy so he didn’t have to think about it. Balthazar stared at him taking in his light blush on his face. 

 

“Oh my god. This is worse than I thought. You don’t just have a little crush...You’re falling for him….hard.” Balthazar smiled as Castiel’s breath hitched at those words. Balthazar expected a retort. Castiel to throw a fit. To do something but...Castiel said nothing. Almost...as though he was just realizing it himself. Balthazar studied him, taking in as Castiel stopped what he was doing and...just hesitantly sit there for a long time. 

 

“...Dean and I are just passing the time.” Castiel touched his chin, looking...haunted. “...It would be such a curse to love someone such as me...It is just...convenient for the time being.” Balthazar looked at him sadly, as Castiel silently went back to working. Balthazar after a while, turned and walked towards the door, he paused before speaking to Castiel.

 

“I wish...for you to try to tell Dean the things you say to yourself. That you’re a monster. That you're a curse. That you're nothing. I wonder what Dean would say to hear those horrible thoughts in your head.” Balthazar spoke as Castiel glanced up. “...I wonder if he would agree for even a second.” Castiel watched him go. 

 

____________________________________________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

Dean took the pie from the oven, taking in the scent of the apple pie. Which was sam’s favorite. When the door opened Dean turned towards it, setting the pie down. 

 

“Just in time.” Dean smiled at Castiel who set his briefcase down at the door. “The pie is just finished cooking.” Dean turned to turn off the oven, as Castiel watched him. Dean took off his apron, hanging it on his little hooks. Castiel noticed how much of Dean was starting to accumulate around the house. Dean’s little hook for his apron, his camera which laid on the table almost always if Dean wasn’t using it.

 

When had Dean started to become such a natural part of his house?

 

Castiel’s eyes slid over Dean’s shoes in his doorway, and the blanket on the couch which meant Dean was enjoying some movies while he waited for the pie to cook. Dean had went to wash his hands.

 

“I’m almost ready, give me a second.” Dean cleaned up the kitchen real quick. Sliding the pie into a covering, before grabbing the pie and walking to the door. 

 

“Ready?” Castiel spoke.

 

“Ready.” Dean hummed, as Castiel noticed the flour on Dean’s face. 

 

“You’re going like that?” Castiel asked. Dean looked confused looking at his outfit.

 

“Yeah?” Dean questioned confused. “What? Don’t like it?” Dean touched his leather jacket. Castiel gave a soft smile, cupping Dean’s face, he wiped the flour from his face softly. 

 

“There.” Castiel spoke eyeing his face. “All Better.”

 

“My hero.” Dean eyed his face as he moved to him lightly kissing his lips. Castiel kissed back easily, feeling Dean’s hand lightly grip his hip. The kisses were easy, different then the lustful ones they were use to. This was...easy...and slow. Castiel never kissed anyone like this. Anyone. Even when they first kissed all months ago, this...was different. “Thank you.” 

 

Dean pulled away giving him a end light peck kiss, before walking out towards the car. Castiel lightly touched his own lips once dean was out of his view. 

 

“Coming?” Dean called from the doorway as Castiel licked his lips before following him out to the car. 


	8. Baby I don't need dollar bills to have fun tonight

 

 

 

 

 

Dean stood by the car, which Castiel leaned again, Castiel’s eyes slid over Dean who was focused on making himself look presentable. People walked by watching such the odd couple. Dean looking like a hired escort in punk attire to Castiel who looked like a rich guy, in a suit obviously too expensive to be in this area, looking like he paid for an hour of his time. People kept staring whispering and laughing as Castiel hesitantly covered the name on his forehead with his hand in...shame.

 

“Okay! I promise, I just need a moment longer.” Dean breathed nervously as he pulled down his low v a little bit, before he pulled up his skinny jeans a bit more. Castiel’s eyes moved to Dean’s body when Dean bent over to fix his boots. Castiel was staring to really really really _really_ like this outfit. “...I should change.” Dean groaned in defeat, Dean moved towards the trunk as Castiel grabbed his wrist, eyeing Dean amused.

 

“Why the fuck are you changing for?” Castiel spoke glaring at him as he wrapped his arms around Dean as Dean looked down. Castiel’s hands sliding into his back pockets keeping him there.

 

“...I’m nervous.” Dean spoke as he started to bite at his fingernails, looking in a different direction.

 

“Why the fuck are you nervous?” Castiel smiled softly, as Dean hesitantly blushed.

 

“...I just...never brought someone home before…” Dean mumbled, as Castiel’s eyes slid over Dean as Dean continued to look away nervously.

 

“Bullshit.” Castiel laughed.

 

“I-It’s true.” Dean spoke, as he looked like he could throw up. “I...never had my dad...or mom…I mean, I have dated don’t get me wrong before my mom died, but nothing as serious as you-” Dean was rambling, panicking and Castiel stared at him with soft loving eyes.

 

Dean...saw this as serious?

 

Saw what they were as serious?

 

Tears prickled in Dean’s eyes as he talked, but Castiel felt like the words were lost to him, watching as dean covered his mouth as he explained his anxieties. Castiel’s eyes glanced away for a moment, though Dean hadn’t noticed.

 

____________________________________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Many years ago**

  
  
  
  
  


Five year old Castiel moved to jump on his mother’s bed. Happily jumping, as his mother groaned in her tiredness.

 

“MUM! MUM!” Castiel giggled as he climbed on the bed, as the redhead turned mumbling to herself, covering her face. “MUM! GET UP! GET UP!” Castiel yelped as he was snatched into her arms, she tried to get him to go back to sleep but he wasn’t having it.

 

“Go back to sleep.” Rowena whispered nuzzling her son.

 

“I can’t silly.” Castiel giggled. “Today's first day!” Rowena opened one eye, as she blinked at her excited five year old.

 

“Your first day of school.” Rowena beamed, as she scooped him up. He nuzzled into her, as she walked him towards his bedroom to help the child dress. Castiel was quite good at it, but still struggled with his socks. Rowena smiled at her handsome young boy as he rotated his ankles beaming up at her so excited.

 

Rowena took in the smudge on Castiel’s forehead. The name. She ran her thumb over it lovingly, as Castiel tilted his head at her.

 

“What are you doing mum?” Castiel giggled as Rowena kissed the name.

 

“Just admiring your future.” Rowena would answer, always when it came to the name on his forehead. “It’s going to be wonderful I know it.”

 

“That’s because I’m like Super Daisy.” Castiel giggled touching the name on his forehead.

 

His favorite superhero, A girl with a name on her forehead just like him. It made Castiel feel special. It was a popular kids show that Castiel felt so close to. Since just like super Daisy, his soulmate's name was proudly displayed because normally the names were more subtle in their placement. She in the show first hid her soulmates name in embarrassment with her bangs but by the end of the movie she was proudly displaying it. Which gave Castiel confidence too.

 

(created by Mary Jue @mary_jue_ on instagram)

 

 

 

“Yes you are!” Rowena kissed his face, as she scooped him up. “Let’s go get some yummy breakfast in your tubby. Before you daddy comes home from his grave shift and we can drop you off for your first day!”

 

“I can’t wait mum!” Castiel beamed, as Rowena paused smiling at him.

 

“Would you like your first day of school present?” Rowena beamed.

 

“Yes mommy yes!” Castiel gasped. He didn’t know he was getting a present. Rowena placed Castiel on the table before walking a bit away. She came back sliding a locket on castiel’s neck which Castiel’s fingers moved to touch.

 

“Open your eyes.” Rowena smiled as Castiel opened his eyes, examining a butterfly locket. “It was your great great great grandma's secret magical locket.” Castiel blinked at her before going back to look at the beautiful locket.

 

“Whoa.” Castiel whispered.

 

“Grandma told me when I was your age, that if you cut a picture out, put it inside and keep it near your heart that they will always know you love them and you will never be apart for long..” Rowena explained.

 

“Can I put you and daddy?” Castiel asked as Rowena smiled softly.

 

“It has to be someone special. Someone you love.” Rowena explained as the child blinked down at the locket. “I went through three before I met your daddy.”

 

“...but...didn’t that hurt daddy’s feelings?” Castiel asked as Rowena smiled softly.

 

“...You see, the magic only works on your _one_ true love.” Rowena poked his chin. “So even if you make a mistake, it’s okay.” Castiel nodded at that, as He looked down at the locket.

 

“Can I put Super daisy?” Castiel asked as his mother giggled and nodded. Leading him to find a picture to cut out on the internet. He was excited for the beginning of his life, he couldn’t wait to meet new kids. Make new friends….But he didn’t realize that was the start of the worse years of his life.

 

__________________________________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Now**

  
  
  
  


Castiel pulled Dean close and into a quick peck, Dean shut up all of his mush of negative thoughts as Castiel cupped his face.

 

“Shut up.” Castiel spoke annoyed as Dean frowned shoving him away angrily, but Dean was twisted pinned roughly against the car, as Dean held his breath. Castiel pinned him strongly against the car, as Dean’s breath hitched. “You’re fine. Breathe, stupid.”

 

Dean hesitantly started to calm down, letting Castiel pin him, letting the anxiety spill out of him, as Castiel let go of his pinned hands to hold his hips from behind.

 

“This is just dinner.” Castiel spoke. “We are just casually dating. We aren’t exclusive.” Castiel laughed against his ear, which got a small chuckle from Dean grudgingly.

 

_Were they just fooling themselves to believe that they weren’t?_

 

Dean slowly turned looking into Castiel’s eyes, as blue eyes search greens. Castiel held Dean’s chin eyeing his lips as Dean looked into his eyes with...affection.

 

“Besides who would want to date you, look at you, you’re all snotty!” Castiel spoke lightly shoving Dean back against the car, as Dean raised an eyebrow amused. Now obviously cheered up as Castiel started to walk towards the house, when Dean jumped onto his back. Castiel choked out in surprise as Dean wrapped his arms around his neck laughing.

 

“Take my snot!” Dean laughed trying to wipe it on Castiel’s skin as Castiel flailed his arms, yelling at Dean. Dean laughing once he got off, looking adoringly at Castiel who if no one knew him would think Castiel was actually mad at Dean. Dean knew this face, _happy_ grumpy that looked angrier than _angry_ grumpy cas.

 

“Excuse me.” Sam’s voice made them turn as Castiel crossed his arms looking annoyed at the interruption. “If you don’t mind, you’re making a scene.”

 

“I can do what I want, sasquatch-” Castiel raised an eyebrow, moving to comment, as Dean covered Castiel’s rude soon to be remark.

 

“Sam, hey. Sorry about that.” Dean choked out, as Castiel stopped his comment. Dean...was trying to please Sam...It was obvious in the way Dean’s eyes begged for him to look at him…. _Really_ look at him. Sam...looked as though he was staring right through him.

 

“Who's this?” Sam ushered to the man. It was obvious who he was. The name on his forehead was the biggest give away. Sam just really didn’t care.

 

“Th-This is my husband.” Dean spoke taking Castiel’s hand with a nervous shaking grip. Castiel squeezed back, steadying his hand. This was the first time, Dean addressed him as such. It was a bit of a shock...but he wasn’t wrong. “H-He’s...my husband.” Dean almost begged for a reaction from Sam who barely gave Castiel a glance.

 

“Did you bring him for dinner?” Sam stated coldly. “We only planned for you.”

 

“I-I’m sorry, I-It was short notice.” Dean choked out swallowing the lump in his throat.

 

“It was rude, that’s what it was.” Sam scoffed. “You expect us to feed him too?”

 

“H-He can have my plate.” Dean begged.

 

“The dinners for you! Not him!” Sam snapped. “Gabriel slaved away all morning making dinner, and you couldn’t just pick up the phone and tell him to make sure there was extra?”

 

“I’-I’m sorry-” Dean tried.

 

“Fucking typical Dean...Really, fucking typical. Once again you’re a fuck up-” Sam rolled his eyes but Castiel had already had enough. Before Dean could react, Castiel had already punched Sam hard in the face. Sam fell back cradling his nose, which blood slid down it.

 

“CASTIEL! STOP!” Dean moved in front of Castiel who had already started to try to hit him again. “STOP!”

 

“Sam?!” Gabriel called from the front door rushing to his soulmates side, as Dean moved wrapping his arms around Castiel’s neck hugging him close. Castiel’s body almost instantly stopped trying to advance as a arm wrapped around Dean’s waist protectively.

 

“This ASSHOLE assaulted me!” Sam snapped, as Castiel growled.

 

“What a fucking child!” Castiel snapped. “A fucking child with _MOMMY_ issues!”

 

“What the fuck did you say?!” Sam stood flicking the blood on his hand onto the grass growling angrily at Castiel.

 

“Castiel! Please stop!” Dean choked out weakly, tears filling his eyes. “It’s not worth it!...I’m not worth it.” The comment only made Castiel angrier, pulling Dean behind him. Dean choked out in surprise.

 

“My mommy died and my daddy’s in jail for selling crack! BOO FUCKING WHO!” Castiel laughed coldly. “And you are the only little princess suffering so that gives you magical powers to never grow the FUCK UP!”

 

“What the fuck do you know?!” Sam snapped shoving Castiel. “About me or my fucking life?!”

 

“I know you weren’t the only one who lost EVERYTHING!” Castiel growled, as he grabbed Sam’s shirt, landing another punch. Gabriel choked out, as Dean looked in fear. “What about Dean?! What about your brother?!” Sam managed to land a hit.

 

“SAM!” Gabriel choked out, as Sam kneeled Castiel in the stomach.

 

“STAY BACK!” Sam growled to Gabriel who obeyed, standing next to Dean they could only watch. Castiel tackled him to the ground as soon as he got the chance, punching Sam hard in the face repeatedly.

 

“OH WOE IS ME, SAM THE LITTLE FUCKING BRAT!” Castiel snapped. “DON’T YOU REALIZE THAT DEAN COULDN’T HAVE PREVENTED ANYTHING! PEOPLE DIE, SHIT HAPPENS! BLAMING DEAN SOLVES NOTHING!” Castiel groaned as Sam headbutted him, climbing on top of Castiel he kept punching him.

 

“DEAN PULLED THE PLUG! HE MADE ME LOSE MY MOTHER!” Sam punched Castiel hard, as Dean tried to stop Sam’s assault but Sam just easily shoved him away. Dean hit the cement hard. “HE MADE ME LOSE EVERYTHING! MY FATHER, MY MOTHER-!”

 

Castiel saw Dean nursing his wound, a bleeding elbow and side which caused instantly flipped Sam, landing punch after punch a blood spilled onto the grass. No one touches HIS fucking soulmate! When Sam was seeing stars, Castiel stopped punching him.

 

“ADMIT IT! YOU DON’T HATE DEAN!” Castiel growled, as he gripped Sam by the top. “YOU DON’T FUCKING HATE HIM BECAUSE YOU CARE SO MUCH TO HURT HIM! YOU AREN’T LIKE ME! YOU FUCKING CARE ABOUT PEOPLE! YOU CARE ABOUT DEAN!”

 

“SO WHAT?!” Sam growled, his struggling weak in comparison.

 

“THEN WHY PUSH HIM AWAY! WHY DO YOU KEEP SUCH A DISTANCE FROM HIM!” Castiel growled pulling back to punch him.

 

“BECAUSE IT’S EASIER FOR ME WHEN HE FINALLY LEAVES ME TOO!” Sam screamed as Castiel paused as tears slid down Sam’s angry face. “...I’m going to lose him someday too...and I can’t...I can’t…get attached when I know that one day he will. It’s my curse.”

 

Castiel lowered his fist, as he stared at Sam who broke down from all the pain and anger over the years.

 

“Everyone I love one day leaves, so pushing them away is the only way I can make it because It won’t hurt too bad if i’m already hurting….It was so selfish...and you didn’t deserve it....I’m so sorry, Dean. I’m so sorry...” Sam sobbed.

 

Castiel stared at him, before getting up off of Sam as Gabriel rushed to his side. Sam broke into harsh sobs as he gripped Gabriel. Castiel turned to Dean who was standing cradling his arm, a Castiel moved to it out of instinct. Checking Dean over as Dean stared at Castiel emotionless.

 

“You have a bad scrape, and he seemed to clock your lip good... I can look you over. I have my medical-” Castiel’s voice was cut short by a kiss to his lips. It was soft as Castiel whole body seemed to pause from it. Castiel’s heart skipped a beat.

 

“O-Ouch.” Dean pulled back touching his cut lip, before lightly touching Castiel’s. “S-Sorry, you must be hurting...T-That was stupid of me.” Dean and Castiel didn’t have to speak or think as their hands slid to hold each other gripped lightly.

 

“We established you’re a stupid idiot, Dean.” Castiel snipped back, as Dean broke into a soft laugh tears filling his eyes as Dean moved to hold him. Castiel...had defended him. Fought for him… Dean couldn’t hold back his happy tears as he squeezed Castiel tightly, wiping his tears as they fell.

 

“But I’m _your_ stupid idiot.” Dean sniffed, as Castiel paused at that lightly moving to hold Dean’s hips, before he buried his face into his neck.

 

Why did Dean speak to him like this?

 

Like Dean wanted to be stuck with a monster like him?

 

Dean gripped him tightly, as Castiel held him even tighter, their bodies hurt being so close but they wanted nothing more.

 

Could Castiel pretend this fairytale could continue?

 

That Dean could love what he was?

 

Or...was it better to enjoy it while it last?

 

_________________________________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

**Many years ago**

  
  
  
  


Five year old Castiel was slammed back against the playground hard, Castiel whimpered as the children laughed at him.

 

“Daisy! Daisy! Oh look, We have a Daisy!” The kids sung and taunted him. Every day was the same. Castiel’s hero. Castiel’s security blanket. His self esteem gone. Kids cut his hair, and shove him down things, mocking him for his inability to fly. Called him names for his name. His soulmate's name on his forehead.

 

Castiel would cry, come homing with gum in his hair, or scratches on his skin. Rowena tried to make things better, but no matter what she did. The other schools wouldn’t take Castiel because they were full. She even talking to the principal but it made it worse, the kids teased him more for needing ‘Mama’ to help him. They loved to make him suffer. It was fun.

 

Castiel’s everything gone.

 

After a while he...stopped crying. Rowena watched as he come home, quietly packing the items of the hero, Super daisy, he once adored more than anything. She watched him take it to the curb, and leave it with the trash.

 

“We’ll move.” Rowena spoke in tears as she wrapped an arm around him, they couldn’t, not with their financial situation, but Castiel loved her for the effort…

 

Castiel wasn’t sure when hollowness became anger.

 

He believed it was around middle school, in sixth grade. A boy had shoved his meal into his lap, which his mother had made him. The cafeteria laughed as Castiel’s eyes moved to the boy who smirked triumphantly bullying the kid who had _nothing_.

 

Castiel remembering thinking where was the satisfaction, where was the pride in destroying and hurting an empty shell?

 

“Where’s your super strength now, Super Daisy?” He mocked as the kid spat in his face, whipping his hand back he moved to slap Castiel.  

  
  
  


_Castiel wished it was hard enough to kill him._

 

_But…_

 

_….the thought made him angry._

 

_Why did he believe he had to die?!_

 

_Why did he believe ending his life would better anything?!_

 

_These assholes would keep living while Castiel game overed?!_

 

**_NO FUCKING WAY!_ **

  
  
  
  


Castiel grabbed the kids hand, which surprised him before Castiel roughly headbutted the kid. The boy hit the ground as Castiel screamed pinning the boy to the ground he started to bash his head in, beating, biting and punching him till the principal yanked Castiel off the scared boy.

 

“H-HE’S A MONSTER!” The kid cried holding his bite mark. “That kids a fucking monster!” The teachers and students looking in fear at castiel. Castiel stared at him angrily at them all, his grumpy face a threat to the world.

 

Castiel was a **_FUCKING_ ** monster.

 

If that’s what the world wanted, that’s what the world **_FUCKING_ ** got!

 

______________________________________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

**Now**

  
  
  


Dean pulled back, as he wiped at his eyes. Cupping Castiel’s face, he nuzzled against him.

 

“Are you okay?” Dean asked, as Castiel nodded. Dean gave a loving laugh as he kept kissing Castiel’s swollen face. Castiel couldn’t help but just stare at how beautiful Dean looked with puffy eyes. His eyes so green from his tears.

 

Castiel kept nodding till he placed his hand on Dean’s hand on his cheek and rested his forehead onto dean’s.

 

_“H-HE’S A MONSTER!” The kid cried holding his bite mark. “That kids a fucking monster!”_

 

Castiel opened his eyes in remembrance, as Dean sobbed out his emotions with tears and kisses. Dean...was so beautiful. So much better than him, yet...Dean was holding him...kissing him.

 

“I-I want to be exclusive.” Dean hiccuped and whimpered just holding him, as Castiel leaned back against the car holding his hips.

 

“I think you’re a idiot, I don’t want to be exclusive with anyone.” Castiel mumbled, as Dean pouted. “...But I _guess_ I can make an exception.” Castiel didn’t expect the rough hug, as Castiel grunted in pain from his ribs.

 

“....Good, because…” Dean breathed his voice with fear as he spoke burying his face into Castiel’s neck. “...I think I’m falling for you...and it scares me…” Castiel said nothing as he held him tightly, his mind blank racing with thoughts so quickly he couldn’t even function a sentence. But one did manage to come out.

 

“... _me too.”_ Castiel whispered just holding each other tightly as they both admitted their fears. Sam could only let Gabriel attend to him, as he held a cloth to his face, watching...his brother’s happiness for what he felt like was the first time. Sam stood against Gabriel’s suggestion.

 

“Hey, so, I don’t know about you two, but I’m starving.” Sam spoke to Dean and Castiel who looked at him in surprise. “Come, I got to learn about the idiot making my brother smile.” Sam waved them in, as Dean beamed happily. Sam...was taking an interest in him?

 

Castiel smiled, not giving Dean a chance to think about it, the sore fighters retired for dinner.

 

__________________________________________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Balthazar’s POV**

  
  
  
  
  
  


Balthazar laid curled against benny, the house above the coffee shop had become his and bennys. He wasn’t sure how it happened but for some reason every time they went to balthazar’s house they would take a box of his things here. Now, the apartment was empty of his things.

 

Balthazar nuzzled against benny, as Benny smacked his lips in sleep. Balthazar...loved him. Unconditionally. It was a love...that he was starting to believe even beat his soulmates. Benny and him were inseparable. They couldn’t spend an hour apart from each other. Texting, skyping and facebook were their resources when they were apart.  

 

Benny would always tell him he loved him. It was perfect. Benny would slip it in almost always. Just a sudden comment of, I love you, balthy. He always knew how to make balthazar’s heart race.

 

A harsh knock on the door made Balthazar sit up, benny tried to ignore it but after three knocks he bolted to the door pissed. Balthazar watched from the bed through the cracked open door. Benny looked upset. He could hear his screams of anger at the person.

 

“I DON’T WANT HER!” Benny yelled.

 

“She’s legally your responsibility. I’m sorry.” A man spoke as the rain pelted the windows hard.

 

“SHE IS NOT WELCOMED HERE!” Benny yelled as a woman’s whimper made Balthazar lean over to look. There was a red headed woman, standing in front of the man. Her clothes were a little out of style and she looked tore up. The voices were making her upset.

 

“Do not make me take this to court. You know you will not win.” The man threatened, as Benny slammed the door in their faces causing the woman to cry out.

 

“BENNY! PLEASE! OPEN THE DOOR! I LOVE YOU!” The woman sobbed as she was yanked away.

 

“I love you?” Balthazar whispered repeating her words...was that...anna? Benny came storming in, angrily slamming his fist into the furniture. Balthazar moved to him, holding him as blood slid down benny’s hand. “It’s okay...benny it’s okay….”

 

“You don’t understand. She can’t be here. She can’t live here.” Benny sobbed. “I can’t...I can’t look at her every day...I can’t forgive her.”

 

“Forgive her for what benny?” Balthazar cupped his face, as Benny sobbed loudly.

 

“For killing my baby girl.” Benny turned burrying his face into Balthazar’s neck and cried as Balthazar held onto him. Absorbing the words he said.

 

_Anna...killed Mia?_

 


	9. There's something wrong with Anna

 

 

 

 

** **

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Four years ago**

  
  
  
  


 

 

 

“The place would be perfect.” Benny spoke as he unlocked the door to his house, the house was loud with the sound of teletubbies. Benny closed the door behind him. “Sure the apartment on top isn’t needed but we can use it as storage or whatever. Rent it out or something. But I want it. The place is great for a coffee shop.”

 

“Daddy!” A loud voice cheered as Mia moved from the couch bolting over to her father. 

 

“Do a miracle. I got to go.” Benny hung up picking up the beautiful little one in his arms. He pulled her tightly into a hug, pressing kisses against her face as she giggled. It was so funny benny was blessed with a little mini in the baby selection. She was exactly like him personality wise, they were always so close and he adored her. He believed she was the only person he ever really loved. His perfect baby girl.

 

“I missed you!” Mia spoke in her two year old butchered speech. 

 

“I missed you too, pumpkin.” Benny breathed when he noticed her clothes. “Why are you in your underwear? It’s three in the afternoon. What happened to your clothes?” 

 

“I tried to change but I no good.” Mia spoke as Benny looked confused.

 

“Where’s mommy?” Benny spoke, as his eyes searched for Anna. Though he never...felt love for anna. He cared for her. They were friends raising a little girl together. However, lately...

 

“Sleepy night night.” Mia spoke as her tummy rumbled. 

 

“Did she feed you?” Benny spoke concerned as Mia shook her head no. Benny moved to sit her at the table, giving her a snack before moving into Anna’s room, pushing open the dark room. “Anna, get up.” 

 

Anna’s eyes opened but she said nothing as Benny forced open the curtains. She squeezed them shut and turned away but Benny yanked the covers off of her.

 

“Get up, Anna!” Benny snapped as she sat up looking annoyed. “You know you were suppose to watch Mia today. I had to look at properties! I can’t be expected to look after her and try to find a place for the coffee shop.”

 

Anna said nothing angrily grabbing for her robe, she eyed him coldly. She popped some pain reveliers she left on the counter, ignoring him. Benny grabbed her wrist. 

 

“This is serious, anna! You want her to be taken away! I need you to be her parent!” Benny growled.

 

“And I need a husband that doesn’t sleep in a different room!” Anna snapped, grabbing his jaw angrily, before grabbing his bulge tightly in her hand. “I want a husband that can get it up for me! Not be cursed with a fucking fag.” 

 

Benny shoved her off of him, grabbing his coat as Anna start to cry. 

 

“My love, I didn’t mean it!” Anna sobbed as Benny picked up Mia moving to her room, he grabbed clothes going to change her in the car since being here wasn’t ideal.

 

“I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with you, but figure it out!” Benny snapped at her as Mia held onto her father, watching her mother collapse in the doorway. Mia’s eyes slid over the bruising skin on her dad’s chin, as she buried her neck into her dad’s neck. 

 

____________________________________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

**Now**

 

 

 

 

 

  
  


Benny woke up to a light kick from Balthazar who was trying to hog the bed in his sleep, benny sat up realizing how in sleep he lost the war of the bed, and was now sleeping on the corner, while balthazar slept sideways with his legs on benny.

 

Benny sat up as Balthazar snored loudly, benny gave him a loving sigh. How many years he went without this man surprised him. He didn’t know how he could sleep without the loud snoring. Benny eyed Balthazar’s face, as he moved to lay besides him, Balthazar unfazed by the movements. Balthazar was...the first love he ever had. 

 

Of course, he had crushes before, however this..was so much different. Why wasn’t balthazar blessed to have his name? Why wasn’t benny blessed with balthazar’s? 

 

Benny’s eyes moved to a picture of him and mia. 

 

Ah.

 

To be able to meet her. 

 

His beautiful daughter. 

 

He would deal with it all again to have a second of her in his life.

 

Benny pressed kisses to Balthazar’s face as Balthazar started to wake, scrunching his face as he let their lips connect. Waking slowly to the make out, which balthazar was oh so good at kissing, however Balthazar pulled back looking at him with concern.

 

“Today’s the day, huh?” Balthazar asked as Balthazar hesitantly nodded. 

 

Today was the court date to determine if the state will force Benny to take Anna.

 

“It’s going to be okay.” Balthazar spoke as he held benny, benny said nothing just holding him. “It’s all going to be okay.”

 

_____________________________________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Four years ago**

  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

Benny carried Mia in, as Anna sat up straight on the couch. It was late as Mia was almost completely asleep. Anna moved to him, as Benny eyed her. She touched his face and looked down at mia.

 

“I’m sorry.” Anna spoke sniffing as she pressed kisses to Benny’s cheeks. “I’m sorry, I don’t know what came over me.” Benny tilted his head away to keep her lips away from his. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.” 

 

“I don’t want that to ever happen again.” Benny spoke as he moved away from her. “Next time you neglect her, I won’t think twice about leaving.” He laid mia down, before walking toward the door.

 

“Maybe if you weren’t with your whore, you would be here!” Anna snapped blocking him from leaving.

 

“Whore?! Anna. I’m opening a coffee shop! I am  _ not _ cheating on you!” Benny stated. “I told you, I may not be straight, but I will be loyal to you. You’re my best friend, Anna! I would never hurt you like that!”

 

“I just want you to be  _ normal! _ ” Anna snapped covering her eyes. “I want a  _ husband! _ ” 

 

“I am your husband!” Benny yelled back. “I can give you love, and I can give you companionship. I just...can’t give you anything physically, anna! And I’m sorry!” 

 

“THAT’S SUCH HORSESHIT!!” Anna screamed, as she hit him hard. He never raised a hand to her as she started to hit him hard, scratching him and punching him. “I WANT A REAL HUSBAND! I WANT YOU TO GET HELP! THIS! YOU! ISN’T NORMAL! I DESERVE A REAL MAN!”

 

“ANNA! STOP!” Benny shoved her back, as Mia started to cry. Benny grabbed Mia who clung to him tightly. Benny ignored anna’s screams as he packed mia into the car without another word and drove off. 

 

____________________________________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

**Now**

  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

Benny sat in the courtroom, his focus on the hand against his spine. Balthazar sat behind him touching him comfortingly the whole trial as his lawyers tried to make an argument on how emotionally damaging it was to place Anna back in his home with her history. Even if the law dictated she needed to be back in his home. They were soulmates. That was the law. 

 

Benny couldn’t understand how the law seemed to sympathise with her so greatly. If it wasn’t for the fact they favored the mother. Mia would still be here. She would have met Balthazar. For the first time ever saw her father happy.

 

However, That will never be a possibility. 

 

Anna destroyed that.

  
  
  


____________________________________________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

**Four years ago**

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

“Daddy, I don’t want to go with mommy!” Mia cried, as Benny held her, the court adjourning. He had no choice, they went to court and they lost. Mia had to spend fifty percent of her time with her. With Anna. Benny squeezed her close, as Anna moved to her snatching her from his hands.

 

“Mia. Now.” Anna growled yanking her along as Mia sobbed loudly. 

 

“Daddy!” Mia turned reaching for him, Benny moved stop her, but his lawyer stopped him. Held him back as Mia disappeared out of view. 

 

“LET GO!” Benny yelled as his lawyer held him back. 

 

“Do you want to be considered disobeying the court?!” His lawyer snapped. “That’s the way to do it! You will not win against her. Especially if you snatch that child from her arms.”

 

“What do you expect me to do?!” Benny growled as his lawyer. 

 

“Give me time, I need time.” The lawyer Sarah spoke. “Benny, I promise I will not rest till she’s in your custody, you’ll get her for the next week. Give me till then.” 

 

“...Okay.” Benny spoke relaxing. “You have till then, or I will handle it myself.” Benny moved away from his lawyer objections but Benny already left out the door.

 

_____________________________________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

**Now**

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

“Your honor.” Sarah spoke as Benny watched her walk around the room. He watched her in grace, listening to sarah explain how Anna was emotionally damaging to him, how her crimes are unforgettable and despite being declared mentally unfit to stand trial but that didn’t excuse what she has done. A little girl isn’t here anymore and to expect her soulmate to accept that is cruel and it was a crueler punishment to have him house her. 

 

Benny listened as he looked down, cradling his hands her picture. His beautiful little girl, wasn’t here anymore. They would be on his side. They had to be. There was no way he could...pretend, play house with her. His eyes slid over the perfect woman she was pretending to be. Perfect wife and mother...but it wasn’t true. His daughter deserved better... He deserved better.

  
  


___________________________________________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

**Four years ago**

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

Benny knocked on the door of his old house, Anna was suppose to bring Mia hours ago. She was suppose to have her dressed, and packed for a week at his house. Benny knocked harder, on the phone with his lawyer.

 

“Benny, you shouldn’t be there by yourself!” Sarah spoke. “Not when I am about to have your answer for sole custody. Get out of there, and Call the police!” 

 

“I want to give her a chance to hand her over.” Benny spoke. “I don’t want to freak her out, she gets...dangerous if threatened.” 

 

“...Just be careful, benny.” Sarah breathed. “You do this wrong...and you lost her.”

 

“I understand…” Benny breathed.

 

“...I’ll call you when I get the answer.” Sarah spoke, as Benny heard the phone click. Benny’s hand moved to the knob, he slowly rotated it which...it moved. She didn’t lock the door.

 

Benny pushed open the door, the door was unlocked. Benny walked into the dark house, as he eyed the dark room. 

 

“Anna? Mia?” Benny called, as he took in the messy counter of old food, and the clothes thrown about...Did...Anna run?! “MIA!” 

 

Benny bolted into room after room, looking for his daughter. When he slammed his bathroom door open, he slipped roughly on a puddle of water. Benny gripped his head rubbing the pain from his head. He forced himself up slightly, to snag the light switch as he groaned noticing the water flooding from the bathtub.

 

However, his eyes only lingered on the water for a moment. Benny’s breath hitched, as he choked out horrid sobs, moving to the water he pulled out his lifeless daughter. Cradling her, sobbing as he pet her pale face. She...was long gone, maybe even by a couple hours. Benny cried looking down at her. Touching her pale face, as benny’s phone started to ring. 

 

Benny placed the phone to his ear as Sarah’s voice echoed in the line. 

 

“Benny, they approved it.” Sarah cheered. “Go get your girl-...Benny?” Benny just continued to cry, as Anna sitting on the floor against the open door, her eyes looking around the corner at him.

 

“She...was going to go...I couldn’t lose her too.” Anna whispered, as Benny could only cradle Mia. 

 

“You fucking monster….How could you...How could you?!” Benny yelled as Anna said nothing. “Mia, baby, please wake up. God, please wake up.”

 

“Benny I’m calling the police.” Sarah stated as Benny pressed kisses to Mia’s skin just rocking her sobbing as Anna stood walking over. She touched Benny’s back softly . 

 

“It’s okay…” Anna whispered as she raised an knife, as Benny turned to shove her away for touching him. Seeing the knife, he only shoved her harder. She fell back into the tub as the water poured from the tub. Benny bolted into Mia’s room, placing her with care on the bed. Before he shove a chair under the door knob. His heart racing, his head pounding. 

 

“BENNY OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!” Anna screamed as she knocked and roughly pounded into the door with her body. His eyes on his little girl, so lifeless...he thought she was sleeping. 

 

_ She...was gone. _

 

“BENNY! I WON’T LET YOU LEAVE ME TOO! LET ME FUCKING IN!” Anna screamed the door, the chair threatening to cave to her.

 

_ His one reason of happiness...was gone… _

 

Benny looked towards the door, tears were sliding down his face as he gave one last look to his little girl. 

 

_ He had...nothing...without her.  _

 

Benny moved the chair away from the door, as Anna forced the door open. She gripped the knife tightly, her hand moved to his chest, Anna smiled at him lovingly.

 

“We will be with her soon.” Anna whispered as benny looked lost, his eyes away from her as his focus was on his baby girl. 

 

_ The world had lost all color without her. _

 

_ Dying...would bring back that color... _

 

Anna raised the blade to stab him, when a gun went off. Anna screamed holding her side, as a police officer moved to him. 

 

“Sir, are you okay?” The officer asked, as two other police officers handcuffed her. Benny turned to look at his daughter's dead body... Benny broke into sobs as he moved to his daughter just collapsing on the edge of her bed. Cradling her hand against his face as he cried for the loss of her...and the cowardness he wouldn’t end his life to join her. 

  
  
  
  
  
  


_________________________________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

**Now**

  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

The judge sighed, taking off her glasses, looking at the courtroom. Anna happily awaiting to be placed back into Benny’s care. Benny’s fingers laced in Balthazar’s who held him so tightly that benny thought he was going to lose his fingers but he didn’t care. 

 

Benny’s eyes turned to balthazar, seeing the colors in the world he never thought he would see again. He saw the beauty of the world. He knew if anna was back in his life he would lose it all over again…

 

_ If anna won this… _

 

He looked over Balthazar’s blue eyes, taking in the worry and love behind him. 

 

_ He would have to say goodbye to the colors again… _

 

Benny pressed his forehead against Balthazar’s holding him so tight, was this going to be it for this beautiful man? Why…? Why did he lose  _ everything _ he ever really loved?

 

“This case...is devastating.” The judge sighed. “Losing your child...Your soulmate...being unwell. Obviously this case...is hard. And the Laws that bind this case make my choices harder. But my job is not only to uphold the law, it is to make sure the right decision for each case is fair and just.” 

 

Benny closed his eyes, as he took a deep breath, holding balthazar so tightly he didn’t realize his own shaking. 

 

“...I rule in favor of Mr. Laffite.” The judge spoke, as Benny let out the loudest breath and moved to hug Balthazar.

 

“W-What?! NO!” Anna freaked as the lawyer tried to calm her down.     
  
“We are sorry for this case and the memories you had to endure with our state's actions Mr. Laffite.” The judge continued.

 

“NO! NO!” Anna screamed shoving things and yanking her hair. “BENNY IS MINE!”

 

“Someone get her out of my courtroom!” The judge spoke, as Anna was carried out of the courtroom by the guard, as The judge frowned noticeably looking at the lawyer. “I understand the woman was released, but find her some help. From what I witnessed today, She is too unfit for the outside world.”

 

“...Yes, your honor.” The lawyer nodded his head respectfully, before the judge looked to benny. 

 

“We have seemed to given you the short stick, Mr. Laffite.” The judge spoke. “I feel in my opinion, that if we as a justice system hadn’t favored the ideal that soulmates are always good and right that your daughter will be here right now...I can not bring your daughter back, but...I give you permission to ask one thing of us. We owe you that.” 

 

Benny was quiet for a long time, as he took in her words. 

 

“...I want...to be able to find my own soulmate.” Benny spoke taking Balthazar’s hand. “I want to marry someone without my name. I want to be given the same rights as soulmates. I want...to be able to start over…” 

 

The judge paused listening, before she just...stared at him. He knew he was asking too much, but he didn’t care. He knew the law, he knew he was disobeying them for wanting to marry someone without his name. To get the rights, like having a child one day in a soulmate nameless marriage. He expected her no, however…

 

She nodded her head in a yes. 

 

She...allowed him that? 

 

“Case dismissed.” The judge banged her gavel getting up to leave, as Benny turned to look at Balthazar. Giving him a tight hug. 

 

“Y-You’re free.” Balthazar breathed out. “You won-” Balthazar was pulled back to be pressed into a kiss, which Balthazar happily returned. Holding him tightly, before Benny pulled away.

 

“Marry me.” Benny breathed.

 

“W-What?” Balthazar choked out as benny kissed him again.

 

“I fucking love you, balthazar.” Benny breathed tears in his eyes as he slid his hand down balthazar’s cheek. “You...given me colors back...You’ve...made me want to live again…”

 

“B-Benny.” Balthazar nuzzled back as Benny sniffed holding him tightly, Benny broke into sobs of emotions as he cried into balthazar’s neck. Till the smallest words made Benny pull him into the hardest loving kiss he could muster. 

 

_ “...Yes…”  _

  
  


 

________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Balthazar's POV**

 

 

Benny and Balthazar stood outside the coffee shop, Balthazar taking in the beautiful name. Little Mia's. Benny unable to let him go as Balthazar placed his head on Benny's shoulders.

 

"So you really want to spend forever with me?" Balthazar asked as he looked up at Benny. Benny pressed their connected hands to his lips softly as they looked at the coffee shop they have made into a home.

 

"I'd be stupid not to." Benny smiled pressing a kiss to his lips. Balthazar smiled with love up at him. "So you really want to spend forever with me?" Balthazar hummed at that question as he looked towards Mia's coffee shop, before slowly looking to him.

 

"I'd be stupid not to." Balthazar whispered as Benny pressed him into the softest loving kiss, on their thumbs new names tattooed in.

 

Their names.

 

They softly gave the place one last look before heading up inside, to make their happy home a little happier.  


	10. The Letter

(Scenary/car photos: http://brianfulda.tumblr.com/)

 

 

 

 

**Now**

 

 

 

 

“Dean?” Castiel called as he set his keys on the counter, shrugging off his coat. His eyes searching in his almost completely dark home, for the first time since Dean had started living here. Castiel paused his eyes falling to a bowl of curry, still hot which meant that Dean here not but a moment ago. Castiel walked over smiling at the dinner with love, when he noticed a letter placed against a candle holder near his dinner.

 

Castiel reached over, taking the note as a...pit fell in his stomach, as he slowly pulled open the envelope with his name on it. His eyes moving with quickened eyes to read the letter, his hands shaking as he took in the beautiful handwriting.

 

Tears filling his eyes.  
  
  


_Dear, Castiel._

 

_I can only imagine the look of pain and horror on your face, as you saw this letter. I can imagine the breath you let out as you moved shaky hands to grip the letter you expected me for some time now to write. A letter I one day expected you to read._

 

_My goodbye letter._

  
  


__________________________________________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**_Four months ago_ **

  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

Dean’s eyes opened, as he stared at Castiel’s sleeping form. How beautiful was the man in the bed besides him. Dean eyed his face as he slid in between Castiel’s arms but Castiel was dead asleep and his only movement was his arm curving around Dean’s waist.

 

_I know you are hurt...and confused...realizing how much I meant to you._

 

Dean listened to the easiest breath Castiel could muster at the feel of his lover so close.

 

_When all we did was plan for us not to?_

 

“Cas.” Dean’s own words surprised him as Castiel stirred lightly. “Cas.”

 

_All our lives we ran, and we hid..._

 

“What?” Castiel mumbled as Dean eyed his face.

 

_I guess it was destiny for two of the fastest runners of our problems to collide._

 

“I missed you.” Dean whispered as he moved to grip him. Castiel’s face reddened as he let out a annoyed sigh.

 

_We collided with a bang._

 

“I was just right here, dipshit. How can you miss me?” Castiel grumbled with his grumpy loving face.

 

_Literally, I’m still seeing stars._

 

“...I don’t know.” Dean mumbled sadly as Castiel’s face softened, pulling Dean tighter to his body he held Dean in his bear hug for a long time.

 

_Stars...I hope to never stop seeing..._

 

“...Better?” Castiel whispered against the crook of Dean’s neck as Dean softly opened his eyes against Castiel’s chest.

  


_Maybe one day, those stars will help me find my way home..._

  


“...Better.” Dean mumbled, as he nuzzled into his chest to fall back asleep.

 

______________________________________________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Three months ago**

  
  


 

 

 

 

Dean’s breath hitched as Dean moaned gripping Castiel’s back roughly as Castiel slowly rolled his hips in slow, easy sex. Dean’s mouth unable to figure out if it was content with biting Castiel’s shoulder or kissing it. Dean’s teeth sinking in, when Castiel rocked into him just right.

 

_I know you are thinking..._

 

Castiel was quiet, except for the soft grunts. Dean realized Castiel was a lot more quiet during their sex. He didn’t figure out why till a couple weeks ago. Dean’s eyes closed as he let out a loud moan, Castiel rocking him into the bed.

 

_Where did it all go wrong?_

 

Castiel was quiet during sex so he could hear Dean whine and moan during their sex. Dean gasped moaned against Castiel’s shoulder which Castiel loved to get Dean louder and louder. Though he didn’t admit it and most likely never would.

 

_What was my breaking point?_

 

Dean kept squeezing his eyes shut, and scratching into Castiel’s back, as he got closer and closer to his own orgasm. Loving the slow sex so much in it’s own way from their quick sex. Though he did love it when Castiel got adventurous and pounded him on his office desk or anywhere in their home. Dean loved their sex happening with light touches, maybe a bit of light bumps of their fingers during a movie...then slowly their clothes would come off and it would be...indescribable.

 

_When did I decide to pack my bags and go?_

 

Dean let out a choked out moan, as Dean came gasping and needing for air. Feeling Castiel bury his face into Dean’s shoulder a bit roughly as he thrust the last few bits before he came into Dean. Dean gasped aloud whimper, arching his back when he came himself, he looked at Castiel shaking he lightly touched Castiel cheeks. Castiel eyed Dean’s face just as wow’d. Just as loving on this, as their lips roughly connected. Making out till their kisses slowly came to a stop.

 

_Was it that day?_

 

Castiel pulled out as he laid besides Dean his breath calmed as Dean sat up slightly to scoot up farther onto the bed. Castiel gave him a glance, as Dean reached over to clean off the cum with a tissue.

 

_Had I known the moment I made pancakes with strawberries on top to leave?_

 

“God I’m a mess.” Dean laughed, as Simon scratched roughly against the door. Which he started to do half way through their sex.

 

_Or was this a sudden thing?_

 

“Simon! Away!” Castiel yelled, but gave up opening the door for the dog before jumping back on the bed. Simon sitting watching his masters. Castiel’s focus on Dean, as Dean cleaned himself up till he noticed Castiel was just...staring.

 

_What had you done to make me go?_

 

“What?” Dean asked tossing the napkin into the trash. Dean staring at him with a loving smile.

 

_My love, you are asking all the wrong questions._

 

“...Marry me.” Castiel spoke eyeing him affectionately. Dean raised his foot lightly pushing at him with it.

 

_All the right questions? You will never ask._

 

“We are already married, stupid.” Dean chuckled but Castiel said nothing whistling for Simon to come over, which Simon did. Castiel took something off Simon’s collar as Dean looked confused till he noticed what it was. A ring. Dean let out a choke of surprise emotions flaring.

 

_And all the right answers will never make sense to you._

 

“Hand.” Castiel ushered to him.

 

_...At least not right now..._

 

“Y-You’re joking?” Dean choked out shaking as tears filled his eyes. “That’s mean, and you're joking.” However, Dean still gave his hand which Castiel slid a ring into it. Before Castiel pressed a kiss to Dean’s hand staring at him. Dean looked like he was going to break with every emotion possible just staring at Castiel, when Simon had snuck behind Castiel giving Castiel’s leg a lick. Which made Castiel tense with shock before Simon bolted for it.

 

_I wish I could answer them._

 

“YOU DAMN DOG!” Castiel turned getting up. “WHY DO YOU ALWAYS WANT TO LICK ME?!” Castiel bolted after the dog, as Dean’s focus turned on the ring. Pressing it slowly against his lips as Dean broke into happy laughter and smiles to himself.

 

_All the thoughts in that beautiful head of yours._

 

Dean was a husband.

 

_Though right now I do not believe you will understand..._

 

Dean heard Castiel returning, as Dean quickly bolted to the bathroom, not wanting Castiel to see his breakdown. He closed the door, letting out a deep breath as he took a second. He heard Castiel climb back on the bed, grumbling to Dean how Simon had it out for him, and something about simon licked Castiel’s butt because he thought Castiel’s yelling was happiness.

 

_But I will still try to explain..._

 

Dean rolled his eyes as he listened, Dean moving to the toilet he might as well relieve himself. When Dean was finished he moved to wash his hands, but something stuck to his foot. Dean lifted his foot taking note of a small heart shaped white paper. Dean eyed it, before pulling it off his foot. The real shock came when he turned it around.

 

_I found the photo._

 

A image of Castiel and some woman, the woman from Castiel’s office that stormed out that one day passing Dean in the hall. Dean eyed the photo damaged by the months of being on the bathroom floor. Castiel had his arm around her in some sort of party.

 

_The one from your locket._

 

Dean stared at the photo taking it in, as he slowly held the image, taking in how young Castiel was in his photo.

 

_And no...I’m not angry or hurt._

 

Dean’s eyes slid over to the door listening to Castiel complain about simon some more. Dean let out a shaky breath as he turned back to the photo.

 

 _In a odd sense...I realized you_ **_really_ ** _loved me…_

 

Dean tossed the picture into the toilet letting the water take it, since obviously by its condition it was meant to be long gone in the trash.

 

_Now, I know this sounds weird...and I say I sound crazy too…_

 

Dean moved to wash his hands in the sink, just as the bathroom door opened to see Castiel come in. Dean turned to look at him, as Castiel pressed a loving kiss to his lips.

 

_But...I recognized why you never took great care in getting rid of the photo._

 

_Because it was easier to self sabotage then to let your guard down and believe...that for a second our happiness would last..._

 

Dean pressed back lovingly as Castiel pulled back. Dean smiled at him softly before Castiel leaned over to the tub.

 

_Because you were realizing that this was too perfect, and it scared you._

 

“I think we should take a shower.” Castiel spoke as Dean laughed lovingly.

 

_You were scared I was going to run._

 

“I think you just want a reason to touch me.” Dean snorted as Castiel yanked him back against his body, Dean laughing.

 

_Because I was realizing that this was too perfect, and it scared me._

 

“I don’t need a reason.” Castiel growled playfully, as Dean’s fingers moved to Castiel’s locket. Castiel eyed him softly looking at Dean.

 

_I was scared I was going to eventually run._

 

“This is my great great great grandma's secret magical locket.” Castiel hummed as Dean smiled looking at the butterfly before running his thumb over the butterfly.

 

_Everyday I thought I would._

 

“Is it?” Dean smiled. “What’s so secret magical about it?”

 

_I didn’t understand this...love thing._

 

“You can only put certain people it, but not just normal people. It has to be someone special.” Castiel spoke. “Supposedly, if you cut a picture out, put it inside and keep it near your heart that they will always know you love them and you will never be apart for long…”

 

_What if I did this wrong?_

 

“That’s sweet…” Dean whispered.

 

_What if I got hurt?_

 

“Yeah and the best part is, the magic only works on your one true love.” Castiel chuckled himself at the line looking down at it.

 

 _What if_ **_I_ ** _hurt you?_

 

“Has it worked yet?” Dean asked curiously as Castiel softly opened the lock to reveal a picture of Dean and him, one Dean had taken back when they were ‘Not exclusively dating’. A selfie that seemed more natural than lisa and Castiel’s. Dean was sticking his tongue out in a selfie at the camera in bed wearing Castiel’s shirt as Castiel looked at Dean like he saw all the beauty in the world in him.

 _God, What_ ** _if_** _I_ _hurt_ ** _you_** _?_

 

“You’re still here, ain’t you?” Castiel whispered as Dean’s held his breath at the loving words. Castiel softly held out his hand to Dean which Dean took, letting Castiel lead him to the shower.

 

_And that thought alone killed me._

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_______________________________________________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Two months ago**

  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

_I fear right now...that you are starting to hate me._

 

Dean ran through the hospital tears in his eyes, as he bolted up the five flights of stairs. Getting to Castiel’s floor. Passing by balthazar watched Dean collide roughly into him in his poor attempt to avoid him.

 

_That your love for me is growing cold._

 

“Dean?” Balthazar called but Dean was already getting up. Turning the corner, he shoved through to Castiel’s office.

 

_You feel validated._

 

“Go away, ba-” Castiel spoke at the noise, use to it for the most part, thanks to balthazar’s annoying habits.

 

_Because you always suspected I’d leave you anyways._

 

“C-Cas.” Dean choked out a rough sob, as Castiel stood instantly in panic. Tossing off his reading glasses he moved to his soulmate. Who broke down the second castiel was no more than a step away from him. Castiel gripped Dean’s shoulders worried, searching his face as though he expected to read the answer off his face.

 

_And maybe, you are still right._

 

“What’s wrong?” Castiel stated, as Dean shook his head no, just sobbing. “Dean what’s wrong?”

 

_I did leave._

 

“S-Simon!” Dean sobbed wheezing, Castiel cupped his face, feeling Dean shake. “H-He won’t wake up! H-He’s so cold-” Castiel ripped away from Dean, grabbing his coat.

 

_However, my love it is nothing you did._

 

“Come on.” Castiel placed a hand on Dean’s lower back as he lead him out. Dean was shaking, wet from the rain. Had he ran here?

 

_Or said._

 

Castiel slid a coat on Dean’s wet shoulders, helping Dean into the car as Castiel started the car. Dean’s eyes softly drifted to Castiel wondering what at that moment Castiel was thinking, but he found himself yanking his eyes away covering his eyes with worry.

 

_But I’m sure you won’t believe me._

 

Castiel got out of the car once they were home, he didn’t have to tell Dean to stay in the car for Dean to obey. He wasn’t going to follow. Castiel ran up the steps and into the home. If you asked Dean the seconds Castiel was gone, Dean would tell you three hours. Dean didn’t look up till his side of the car was open. Dean glanced up with red swollen eyes, as Castiel looked at him...like he was delicate.

 

_And you are racking your mind of the possibilities._

 

“...Dean...He was a old dog…” Castiel hesitated, trying to break it to him as delicately as possible, but Dean had bolted out of the car at those words.

 

_...And I know all the possibilities and reasons you are thinking of._

 

“SIMON!” Dean sobbed, trying to bolt into the house, but Castiel yanked Dean close holding him tightly to his chest. Dean broke into harsh sobs as he fell to his knees in the rain, as Castiel kneeled with him holding Dean as long as he needed.

 

_Of course, they are all wrong._

 

Dean...wasn’t okay after losing Simon. Dean would stay in bed for hours just sleeping, and it broke Castiel’s heart to see him not...happy. Dean would still get up to work, and make Castiel meals. But Dean never made any for himself. He just missed Simon so much and the fact Simon was gone made Dean’s heart break.

 

_But...you wouldn’t believe me would you?_

 

Dean laid in the bed half sleep, almost ready to let sleep take him as he wiped a tear from his eye. Dean snuggled into the sheets when he felt movement against his bed. He ignored it. Squeezing his eyes closed more, when a wet object slid against his face.

 

_Because, you never realize you do it._

 

Dean recoiled slightly squeezing his face in disgust, when the object followed his slight movement back. Dean opened his eyes, to see a tibetan mastiff puppy licking his face. Dean choked out in surprise sitting up as Dean hesitantly reached over picking up the puppy who grew happier trying to lick Dean more. Dean eyed him before hugging the puppy close, tears prickling in his eyes as the puppy licked him happily.

 

_Every time you catch your reflection in a mirror._

 

“I know he doesn’t replace simon.” Castiel spoke as Dean turned to him. “...This is simon’s son, Salmon...Apparently Simon would sneak through the fence to _hang out_ with their lady dog...well when I realized they were selling his pups. It was a bit too late to have a pick...but...I hope salmon will do...”

 

_You pause every time._

 

Dean turned back to look at the dog. The dog looked a bit...grumpy, even though it was obviously full of happiness and love. Much like someone he knew. Dean eyed the dog lovingly, before pressing a kiss to the dog's nose who only grew happier barking and trying to lick Dean. However a comment made Dean pause.

 

_And my love it breaks me to watch you do it._

 

“...He’s not one I would have picked but if you like him. That’s what matters.” Castiel shrugged, as Dean turned.

 

_It literally kills me._

 

“...Why not?” Dean stated placing the puppy on the bed who rushed to love him. “...He’s perfect?”

 

_Because every time you look into a mirror._

 

“I don’t know…” Castiel waved Dean off as he moved towards the bathroom. “He just...seems a bit grumpy…” Dean’s face looked sadly at Castiel, as Castiel moved to wash his face. “Who would want something like that... “

 

_You cringe._

 

Castiel eyed himself in the mirror, his eyes looking away in almost disgust. Moving to wipe a towel on his face as the puppy barked wanting to be held by Dean. Dean picked up the puppy as the puppy licked his face happily.

 

_Because you are disgusted by the monster you believe so strongly to see._

 

Dean’s eyes watched him, as Castiel came back out of the bathroom. Dean turned looking at the puppy kissing his face.

 

_And it kills me._

 

“I don’t know what you are talking about.” Dean hummed, as Castiel raised an eyebrow. “I love my grumpy tuna.”

 

_Because my love I want to fix you._

 

“As long as you're happy.” Castiel spoke as he leaned over pressing a loving kiss to Dean’s lips. Dean knew Castiel...wasn’t just referring to the puppy that had jumped off the bed and licked Castiel’s exposed ankle before bolting.

 

_I want you to realize how beautifully perfect you are to me._

 

“FIRST SIMON! NOW YOU?! YOU DAMN DOG!” Castiel turned getting up. “WHY DO YOU ALWAYS WANT TO LICK MY LEG?!” Castiel bolted after the dog.

 

_And it haunted me when I realized..._

 

Dean laughed watching Castiel go out to scold the dog before his smile faded as he looked worried.

 

_...I never will be able to._

 

_____________________________________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**One month ago**

  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

Dean fixed his clothes as he eyed his looking at the mirror, dressed nicely for a change. Suit and tie. His eyes moved to Castiel who used the mirror over his shoulder. Fixing his bowtie and making himself presentable.

 

_How terrible it must be to hate everything about yourself?_

 

Castiel was getting a award for his hospital’s success rate. Castiel was nervous. Dean could tell. However, there was more to it. Dean watched Castiel slid a finger over the name on his forehead. Castiel didn’t realize he did it and the more Dean observed him, the more obvious he did it.

 

_To look in the mirror and dread it the second your eyes look at you..._

 

Castiel hated the name etched into his forehead like a scarlet letter. He didn’t hate the meaning behind it. Just the way people stared. The judgement. The comments.

 

_All because of the man you loves name?_

 

“You look great.” Dean hummed moving to hug him as Castiel lightly wiggled trying to get away.

 

_Maybe you hate me just a bit for it._

 

“You are crumpling my suit.” Castiel mumbled blushing his _happy grumpy_ showing.

 

_If I never existed..._

 

“Sorry.” Dean hummed, moving to straighten it again. Castiel eyed him, but said nothing till Dean looked up. “All better.”

 

_...you never would have suffered._

 

“...What would I do without you?” Castiel whispered.

 

_You never would admit it if I asked..._

 

“...You were fine before.” Dean spoke honestly. “You’d be fine after.” Dean fixed his suit with a couple tugs.

 

_And I never would have asked, even if you would..._

 

“No.” Castiel whispered as he turned away. “I wasn’t…”

 

_I just want to make you happy..._

 

Dean watched him go, taking a deep breath before he grabbed the car keys, following after him. The conference was boring, and Dean had to fight not to pull out his phone and facebook scroll. However, Dean had his camera. God. It was filled with pictures of Castiel and him. It was beautiful. Dean had every memory from almost when they started living together.  Even some...R rated ones. It also had some pictures from before he met Castiel, ever since Dean’s mother bought it for him for christmas. Dean kept snagging photos of Castiel in the candle lights, and Castiel kept forcing the camera down with his hand.

 

_Just wanted to love you better..._

 

He was nervous. Dean kept snagging photos, which Castiel looked annoyed with his _leave me alone_ grumpy face. Which mostly looked like Castiel could kill Dean and most likely not bat an eye. Though Dean ignored the threat in his face. Not having pictures of this moment would be terrible. Castiel might hate it now, but one day he would really appreciate a picture of this moment.

 

_If only it was that easy._

 

“Dean stop.” Castiel shoved the camera down, as Dean softly reached over brushing some hair out of Castiel’s face, making sure he looked good.

 

_To just...keep loving you._

 

“Babe, stop being nervous. You are just getting a award. This isn’t high school.” Dean stated, as Castiel hesitated and nodded. “You’ll be fine.”

 

_Till you saw all the reasons I love you..._

 

“-TO CASTIEL NOVAK!” The announcer spoke, the room erupted in applause. Castiel stood as Dean clapped happily, screaming happily for Castiel as Castiel went red on stage. Castiel walked up snagging the award quickly with hopes of getting off the stage but the announcer stopped him.

 

_But life doesn’t work that way..._

 

“Where are you going, shy one?” The announcer put an arm around Castiel keeping him in place. “Don’t want to thank anyone or say anything? What about your handsome soulmate?” Castiel hesitantly shook his head no, not liking to be in the spotlight. The man laughed as he squeezed Castiel, this was castiel’s boss. Castiel couldn’t just shove him away. Though everything in Castiel’s face made him look like he wanted too.

 

_You were giving all your love to me…_

 

“I remember when I first hired you.” The man laughed, Lucifer I think his name was. “Hard worker, inspiring doctor, angry son of a bitch.” The room laughed, Castiel flinched. Dean looked with worry, trying to read Castiel but his face grew cold. Castiel held his award tightly.

 

_And not leaving any for yourself..._

 

“I mean, I remember thinking. Could someone take this guy seriously as a doctor? He has a name that looks like dick on his forehead.” Lucifer chuckled, the room exploded in laughter. “Now, now. I kid. Castiel is the best employee I have ever had.” Dean stood with worry, as Lucifer addressed him.

 

_Was it just easier to pretend you could live like that?_

 

“And I’m glad it doesn’t say dick on your forehead.” Lucifer laughed. “Now, for real. I want to thank you for making my hospital great, making me a lot of money and _totally_ saving my ass!” The room laughed once more, as someone asked Dean to sit down.

 

_But it was bound to fail, my love._

 

“Thanks for being my own personal _Super Daisy._ ”  Lucifer’s last comment made Castiel’s eyes widened, as he tensed. Once lucifer let him go to move on, Castiel bolted off stage. Dean followed after him quickly as Castiel angrily paced outside the back alleyway. Dean followed, taking the camera off from around his neck, he placed it on the trash can lid before moving to Castiel.

 

_Because you can’t truly love someone..._

 

Castiel angrily pounded his fist into the bricked wall as Dean panicked trying to calm him. However Castiel was too deep into his panic attack.

 

_Till you love yourself._

 

“CASTIEL STOP! YOU ARE HURTING YOURSELF!” Dean begged as Castiel shoved him away.

 

_And you stopped loving yourself long before I came into the picture._

 

“I’m a **FUCKING** joke!” Castiel shook in anger. “I **KNEW** this award was to make fun of me!”

 

“Castiel, he was just teasing. He didn’t mean any bad will!” Dean spoke trying to move again, but Castiel angrily moved to slam his fist against the wall.

 

_What had destroyed you?_

 

“WHAT THE **_FUCK_ ** DO YOU KNOW ABOUT ANYTHING?!” Castiel turned screaming at him as Dean backed up, his back hit the wall as Castiel got in his face. “YOU ARE **_FUCKING_ ** PERFECT!”

 

_What moment made you decide you weren’t worth anything?_

 

“Cas, I’m not perfect!” Dean choked out. He never seen Castiel so angry.

 

_How I wish my kisses would heal your wounds._

 

“YOU ARE **BETTER** OFF THEN ME! I GOT A **FUCKING** TARGET ON MY FOREHEAD!” Castiel screamed, as he grabbed Dean’s arm rather roughly looking at Castiel’s name on his arm. “YOU **CAN’T** TELL YOURS IS FUCKING THERE!”

 

_How I wish I could scream at you to remember you matter too._

 

“Castiel, calm down!” Dean winced. “You’re hurting me!” Castiel tensed at those words, as he yanked his hand away, watching Dean cradle his bruising arm. Castiel’s face was cold.

 

_But you wouldn’t listen would you?_

 

“...Now do you fucking get it Dean...What your soulmate _really_ is?” Castiel scoffed turning away as he started to angrily throw things. “A **FUCKING** joke. A **FUCKING** loser. A **_FUCKING MONSTER_ **!” Castiel angrily knocked the trash cans the camera was on. Dean watched in horror as it crashed roughly to the ground.

 

_Because you’re so damaged all you can see is the scars..._

 

“ **_CASTIEL!_ ** ” Dean choked out a sob, as Castiel stopped. Seeing Dean rush to the broken camera. Dean picked up the pieces with shaking, Castiel’s anger quickly changed to shame as Castiel stood upset staring at Dean who looked at the pieces like...it broke him.

 

_My love, those scars tell your story..._

 

“...D-...Dean. I-I...” Castiel choked out before Dean stood moving past him sobbing, walking away from the broken pieces of camera and memories. Castiel didn’t follow, his eyes falling back to the broken camera...and the feeling of shame that suffocated him.

 

_...The story that lead you to me…_

 

____________________________________________________________________________

  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**The day**

  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

Dean stood in Castiel’s shirt, cooking fresh pancakes with strawberries on top. Castiel’s favorite as Salmon laid by his feet. Eating some of the food that Dean ‘dropped on accident’. Castiel walked out of the bedroom rubbing his face as he took a deep breath of the delicious smelling food. Castiel wrapped his arms around Dean who hummed at the touch.

 

_I realized the horrible truth that day..._

 

“Spoiling me at breakfast? I think it should be illegal to cook this good.” Castiel took in his scent. Dean still smelled of morning sex, which was slow and lazy. Dean offered Castiel a bite, which castiel took happily.

 

 _That I_ ** _can’t_** _save you..._

 

“Then you won’t be able to eat it.” Dean laughed, as castiel chewed taking in the hot pancakes and strawberries. Burning and soothing his mouth, castiel moved in eyebrows as though agreeing. Dean smiled softly watched Castiel take his plate trying to cool his mouth.

 

_That you must save yourself...._

 

Dean turned back to turn off his stove, when Castiel came back to kiss Dean on the cheek. Dean smiled even bigger, as he felt Castiel pull him close.

 

_This is a journey you must take on your own._

  


“Do dishes later, Come eat with me.” Castiel whispered pressing kisses against the hickey’s on Dean’s neck. Dean nodded following him with his own plate to eat.

 

_And it kills me...but my love, I am not leaving forever._

 

Dean smiled pressing multiple kisses, to his lips as he held Castiel. Castiel let him spoil him with kisses. Laughing as he kept looking at the clock.

 

_I will write you and count the day till come for me..._

 

“Dean, I’m going to be late.” Castiel laughed, as Dean pressed a couple more on his lips, as Castiel squeezed his hand.

 

_...and bring me home._

 

“I love you.” Dean beamed as Castiel shook his head giving Dean some more kisses.

 

_Once you finally realized that you can give just as much love to yourself..._

 

“I love you more, stupid.” Castiel breathed before he pressed ONE last kiss before he bolted out the door for work.

 

_And see how beautiful you truly are..._

 

“...Goodbye…” Dean whispered.

 

_Forever yours,_

 

Dean’s smile faded, as he swallowed looking sadly at the door. Dean slowly turned making his way to the bedroom. Pulling the suitcase from under the bed, he let out a heavy sigh before carrying it to the living room. Once he was dressed, he sat there on the couch just petting Salmon sadly as he cried.

 

_Dean_

 

________________________________________________________________

  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Now**

 

 

 

 

 

 

Castiel’s eyes filled with tears, as all the weight of emotions hit him at once. Castiel fell to his knees sobbing, as Salmon came over whimpering and trying to comfort him.

 

Dean...was gone.

  
  


__________________________________________________________________________

  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**One year later**

  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

Dean pulled off his shirt shoving some of it in his pocket, as he looked over the car engine. The piece of shit car he had been calling home finally gave it’s final breath. No matter how much Dean tried to keep it going. Dean groaned as he wiped sweat off his brow. Looking at the smoking engine, he sighed he gave it one last look over.

 

“Need a ride?” A voice spoke as Dean turned to look besides him, seeing Castiel in the driver's seat of a very nice car. He looked...happy. Though his face was still grumpy looking it, was obviously happier. He...looked good. Like...he actually listened to dean’s request.

 

“...No.” Dean eyed him playfully before grabbing his bag from the passenger seat and started to walk down the way. Castiel’s car followed slowly besides him.

 

“I’m thinking you do.” Castiel hummed playing alone.

 

“Why is that?” Dean asked not looking at him.

 

“Because it’s about one hundred degrees outside, and I have AC.” Castiel chuckled. “Besides I’m hot.” Dean smirked at that.

 

“You’re hot and I’m married.” Dean stated.

 

“I’m sure your husband won’t mind.” Castiel spoke.

 

“My husbands he will.” Dean laughed. “Climbing into a car with a hot stranger sounds like trouble.”

 

“I think it sounds like a adventure.” Castiel spoke as Dean paused at that, turning to look at him. “...Besides...I think your husband would rather have you safe in the arms of a lecher than exposed to the elements in the desert highway.”

 

“A Lecher, huh?” Dean crossed his arms smirking at that as Castiel gave Dean a wink.

 

“I never said I wasn’t without faults.” Castiel smirked, as Dean moved to the car opening the passenger's side of the car. Dean climbed in, as Castiel eyed him. “...So...where to?”

“...Home.” Dean spoke as he turned to look at Castiel, Castiel gave a soft smile as Dean took his hand.

 

“...Home it is.” Castiel whispered, pressing a kiss to Dean’s hand before turning around and heading home.

 

_____________________________________________________________________________

  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Three year later**

  
  
  
  


 

 

 

Castiel stirred lightly in the bed when his arm moved to slide around his soulmate. When he was met with cold sheets, Castiel sat up tiredly. Looking around the room, Salmon sitting up at the end of the bed at his movements. Castiel eyed the semi dark room, the one light in the corner of the room near the door was a subtle note that Dean was gone.

 

Castiel’s heart beated at that, always the slight fear, no matter how silly was still there. That Dean would run. However, when Dean moved through the door carrying a bundled blanket his calms were met with relief, as Dean’s eyes moved to Castiel’s meeting his with love.

 

“Sorry, did I wake you?” Dean spoke as Castiel shook his head no, as Dean moved to take a seat on the bed. “Josiah just got a little fussy…” Dean moved the blanket back revealing a small little asian baby boy.

 

Castiel smiled at them affectionately as he wrapped a arm around him keeping him close, Dean snuggled close, laying his head on his chest. Dean smiled down at the small baby boy who just wanted to be held. Blinking up at his parents tiredly, as Dean softly rubbed his cheek with his little finger.

 

Dean turned to look at Castiel, but paused as he stared at his forehead. Taking a second to blink at it, as Castiel reacted by reaching and touching it.

 

“W...What?” Castiel spoke.

 

“My name...It’s gone.” Dean spoke as Castiel blinked in surprise before getting up and moving to the bathroom. Castiel examined the name no longer there on his skin, He saw it was fading, Which happened when you found your soulmate over time. Normally around the ages of thirty to forty.

 

And...Castiel was forty.

 

Castiel slid his fingers over the normal clear forehead.

 

This was what he wanted right?

 

All his life?

 

This name to be gone…?

 

Castiel slowly returned to the bedroom, as Dean stopped seeing Castiel was handing him something. Dean paused slowly taking the permanent marker. Dean gave him a confused look, as Castiel leaned his forehead towards Dean. Dean gave a loving sigh, softly putting the marker to Castiel’s forehead.

 

_D E A N_

 

Dean smiled as he handed the marker back to Castiel who put the lid back on and tossed it on the counter. Pressing kisses to the side of Dean’s face, as Dean laughed lovingly. A small nose from Josiah made his parents turn to look at him. The newborn yawned moving his head, his soulmates blurry name on the side of his neck.

 

Which Castiel’s fingers moved to slightly rub as the baby blinked moving happily at the attention.

 

“One day Josiah...I hope the person who owns that name makes you very happy…” Castiel breathed pressing a kiss to his little fingers.

 

“I don’t have to hope.” Dean spoke. “...I know they will.” Dean slowly looked to Castiel as Castiel and Dean pressed a kiss against each other's lips. When Castiel tensed during the kiss, he turned angrily towards the culprit who made him do that, to see Salmon’s tongue out against Castiel’s leg. Salmon noticed Castiel’s angry stare, as Salmon bolted out of the room.  

 

“YOU DAMN DOG!” Castiel turned getting up. “WHY DO YOU ALWAYS WANT TO LICK MY LEG?!”

 

Dean laughed watching Castiel turn to follow the dog, as Josiah turned his head curiously towards the nose of Castiel yelling at the dog. Dean looked down at Josiah smiled wiggling, Dean smiled down at his son.

 

“Welcome to your new life, little one.” Dean whispered. “It’s going to be a string of up and downs. Sometimes it’s going to be the worse thing ever and you are going to not want to keep going… Never give up, my little one… and Always keep going because much to my surprise...All of it’s going to be worth it…” Dean touched his little lips with his finger when Castiel’s voice rang out.

 

“DEAN, SALMON LICKED MY BUTT AGAIN!!!” Castiel screamed as the dog barked happily. Dean rolled his eyes with loving care as he got out of bed with Josiah.

 

“Let’s go save daddy.” Dean breathed with love, as he walked out the door to help his damsel in distress.

  
  
  


** **

 

 

**The end**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, 
> 
> This was such a wonderful ride. 
> 
> I loved every second of the story and it's characters. 
> 
> Thank you so much for the love and support!
> 
> I never expected this story to be so popular.
> 
> But I am so glad it did become popular.
> 
> You guys are just amazing and I hope you loved it as much as I did.
> 
> Thanks guys for joining me on this ride.
> 
> XOXXOXO


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